Theatre

Want to know what the kids are doing these days? Marijaunas too mainstream, Heroine's too dangerous and cocaine is so strip of Lindsay Lohan's vomit covered thong. No the kids are going back to the basics. The alchehals and the cancer sticks and worst of all them Theatres.

Most people think theatre is a harmless hobby but friends we are facing some serious problems here. The combination of extreme time consumption, an exhausting sacrifice of health, and a complete absorption into the life of a nonexistant human in combination with the showtunes and the prolonged exposure to the homosexual has created quite a potent drug.

Side effects include:
Vomiting
bad cases of Diarhea
Exhaustion
Hunger
intense desire to have sexual intercourse with men
songs being stuck in head
sweatyness
excessive showering
Laundry doing
and weight loss.


Why do the kids do it? Fame. Or at least the delusion of it. Acting is one of the only activities where you are directly thanked by your audience for your skills and it is almost worth the sacrifice.

And cast parties. I sort of plan on having all sorts of debauchery on cast party night.

I am an improved human being... and so can you

My last blog was kind of awfully depressing, so I want to make this blog awefull (meaning full of awesome of course *ha ha ha* crappy joke crappy joke)
I have recently become obsessed with investigative journalism and the parking lot list really kind of sealed the obsession. I want to write a really weird blog that investigate things people barely care about but make it very interesting. So yeah if I have another "this is what I am going to do" blog I will feel like a jerk so I am going to talk about something political... thugs and criminals.
Sorry I just think everyone needs to see http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jU7fhIO7DG0


Know why? Thugs and criminals. Lawl. Some night this week I will have a real blog. promise or stick a European curly haired platinum blonde canine in my optical receptor.

Depressing blog

I'm sick of watching every single thing I do become a futile attempt to reach some goal that was never reachable in the first place. I'm sick of having floors ripped out from under me and feeling the expectations of my reputation forcing me to find a place to stand in the air. But most of all, I'm sick of being ignored, of having people talk down to me, and treating me like some sort of ball of ignorance that they have to conceal their true feelings from. Of every euphemism and subtle hinting, of gestures and looks that people think I'm blind to.

I'm not a perfect person. I talk too much, I'm occasionally so pompous that I want to punch myself in the face, I'm not very attractive, I have an intense guilt complex, I procrastinate, and I have a tendency to lie to myself and others to avoid a conflict. But I don't hate people for no reason and if I did I would at least have the decency to tell them. And I most definitely don't do anything bad enough to deserve half of the stuff that I am forced to deal with.

I'm not claiming that my life is harder than anyone else's, far from it, but it does happen to on occasion suck beyond the telling of it. People seem to always have advice for me, and I am sick of hearing people tell me “There will be worse times” or implying that I don't know how the difficulties of life. I know what it feels like to be manipulated, to have my name slandered, to watch something I have put all of my time and effort into crumble before my eyes, to be forced to beg for the death of one of the things I loved the most, to be seen as too weird to communicate with, to be needed too much, to be hated, to be hated by a large group of people, to live through a time where every loud noise sounds like a gunshot and the death of someone I care about, to be discriminated against, to be betrayed, to be poor enough to get excited about going to a fast food restaurant, to have plentiful amounts of money but nothing to buy that has even the slightest potential to satisfy me for even a moment, to have things abruptly change, and to have every constant torn from my life. And most of all I know what it feels like to be a human fucking being and to have problems and to deal with them to the best of my ability.

Right now, I'm facing several enormous problems. The only course of action is as it's always been deal with what you can, let the rest sort it self out. But there isn't much I can deal with. And everything that will “sort itself out” will be sorted into a long road of pain that I will have to smile through because that is the only thing I know how to do. They say that pain is a learning experience, that there is a lesson to be found in suffering. But how many loves do I have to watch shatter to learn that love is meant to shatter? How many of my hopes have to be crushed for me to learn that hope is closest I will ever come to my desired result?

Bitch of the day

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PMvZQsSRgG4

That's right Tim James is the official bitch of the day, because honestly whattaskank. just watch this video. Or if not you can read my translation

I am selfish and pointlessly patriotic. Look at how much of a dick I can be toward people who are not exactly like me. Elect me as governor. Then again, it is Alabama.

School parking lot list of items.

I thought it would be interesting to catalog the litter in Hendersonville High and Kid's Kindgdom parking lot parking lot today.
2 Boxes of cigarettes (Naughty people!)
7 used condoms (6 yellow, 1 blue)
5 condom wrappers (I guess the other people ate the wrappers, because seriously if you are going to throw a bag full of your man juice onto the ground you should not feel the moral obligation to throw the wrapper in the proper trash receptical)
3 styrofoam cups (all large steak and shake cups)
10 paper cups (most of them crushed beyond recognition, but I did recognize a starbucks and a burger king)
17 pens (mostly cheap ones with chewed caps)
8 pencils ( 2 were not broken)
5 ripped paper bags (This is an assumption of the total of all the ripped shreds)
9 plastic bags (same as above)
5 plastic baggies (1 of them had some really unusual liquid in it which despite the fact that any liquid in a plastic bag is gross makes me believe that
1 ugly brown mitten (I guess dem kittens were flippin they're shittens when they realized they left their mittens in the parking lot)
1 pair of gym shorts (poor freshman, probably got raped)
23 snack wrappers (12 candy, rest chips or similar)
32 gum wrappers
1 diaper in the High school lot(I guess Mrs. Whorsham couldn't wait till she got inside. Seriously the feck?)
30 plastic bottles (lots of drinkers)
8 cans (only 4 were beer)
3 of what I am pretty sure was a bit of a joint
$7.84 in change
2 movie ticket stubs (1 for "How to Train Your Dragon", the other "Kick Ass)
1 scarf black
1 piece of thread
1 my little pony (it has rainbow curls)
3 articles of Barbie clothing (all skanky)
A pair of boxers
1 Panties (these two were close together. Hmmmmmm)
more duckcrap than worth mentioning
5 children having tantrums (3 girls, 1 boy, 1 of whatever the fuck it was probably some sort of minilesbian)
4 cars with teen girls staring at me unusually (They had the look of superiority and the sounds of Ke$ha)
4 tennis balls
A fishing lure
a single key (Probably for a small locker)
and a toilet brush

You will be happy to know that much of this trash has been throw away. except you know things where people's genatalia has been in contact with. I am going to begin this exercise every month because I feel that I have learned a lot about the town of Hendersonville. A bunch of chainsmoking people have sex while gnawing on condom wrappers, then they throw toys and fast food about while smoking joints then they clean a toilet.

Another attempt to blog

I need to get back into a routine of blogging. But I am not sure how I want to proceed with this blog. So I am just going to blog about... tuxedos.
I just put in my order for my prom tux. It's a black jacket, white shirt, and green vest/tie combo. Having a date to prom has proved to be a dilemma. First of all I felt involved in some drama that I did not need. Secondly I can't choose a classy and stylish tuxedo . Next year I am going to go all out and wear a crazy awesome tux and force someone to color coordinate with me. Of coarse then I have to go find some freaking dead flower to strap to her arm or whatever the hell you do with it.

One honest question, what is the purpose of a tie? It is just there so that it can be tugged upon erotically as the man unzips his pants for dance floor sex. You know the standing dance sex that all the kids are doing. It's much more popular than slide sex, but much less entertaining.

I'm worried about prom. The whole limo thing kind of intimidates me... but here's to hoping it doesn't suck.

ACTing Stupid and This is not a book

Wanna hear about my ACT? I didn't think so. But Here are three tips for you if you haven't taken it.
1. Watch the clock, especially on math.
2. On the math section do the easiest questions you can find and then do the hard ones.
3. Skim the passages on Reading then do the questions
4. Only look at the graphs and the first lines of the science passages
5. Answer every question.

And try not to get stuck in the same room as a moderately obnoxious blonde guy who is contantly adjusting himself and you know what I mean by that.

Also I got this book called This Is Not A Book and I kind of want to daily blog about my adventures with said book. to force myself into a topic. Anyway...
thanks for reading!

6 more people I hate

okay here are the worst things you can do ever.

The Uberfan
Fandom is fine like Twilight? No problemo. Like Dane Cook? You have crappy tastes but that's fines. It's these mofos who yell at you when you disagree with their bullshit tastes. "BUT STEPHANIE MEYER WRITING LIKA DA JEESUS YOU ARE A BITCHWHOREFAGBISCUIT AND I HATE YOU!" Yeah fanaticism sucks.

The Gay Apologizer
You know that guy who is like, "well he meant like stupid gay not like gay gay he didn't mean anything offensive by it he was just like talking and it slipped out you know?" Now I don't really care when people say that's so gay but I do care when people defend people for saying it because they are aknowledging it can be offensive and trying to justify it's use. Seriously can you be any more hypocritical. This leads me to the...

"No disrepect" guy
The person who says No offense and then totally insults you to your face and expects you to respond to it pleasantly. Or the "No disrespect to African Americans but they do seem to be loud an unintelligent"

The Ameba couple
Those people who date eachother and are totally like groping all the fucking time and every conversation with them is like talking to sex robot because they are suggesting intercourse with one another while massaging eachother in the genatalia. Yeah I hate them.

The Facade
The kind of people who talk to you like you are a child when they are realy just stifling their inner opinion of you. "Hey how was your weekend (looks away)". I'd rather talk to a bastard than someone who pretends to like me.

The KS
The person who makes a group called "Speaking on the Day of Silence" as a direct slap in the face to everyone participating and to the entire gay community. And the person who complains that Dumbledore is waving a gay pride flag when it is a fucking joke.

Apple

I have recently become jealous of anyone who has managed to get their hands on an iPad. While I know that it is just a big iPod touch I still would love one. It really seems like I am missing something with my mac because my magical brother has managed to turn his computer into the mystical working item that will bend to his every whim so I am going to be crazily overhauling my mac over the next few weeks.
Speaking of the next few weeks I am am off for spring break so nothing important is really going on. However I still managed to forget to blog today. But anyway I am going to talk about some of the mac applications I am going to get through completely legal process such as stealing.
Free things
Adium
I haven't had an IM thing in about three months so I am going to get every single kind because Adium let's me talk to people on all of my account through one IM account. This will of course allow me to hook up with the really creepy people on Omegle and the seven friends who actually want to talk to me outside of school.

Monster
This thing just tells me when things happen. Very useful though.

Quicksilver
Basically you press a button and type an application and it takes you there. Like magic fast. I just got this and I loves it.

Not so free things

Spell Catcher
Like 40$
Supposedly the best spell check ever. As you know I really need the best spell checker ever. I misspelled something and wrote oops and then misspelled oops. and then misspelled ROBERT YOU ARE A F*CKING IDIOT

Hyperspaces
Basically spaces on crack, not really that useful but I love spaces and this lets me customize them more.

well that's all I know of today except I am getting plants vs Zombies because it is the best video game ever.

Plans

Okay so I kind of failed on blogging everyday. I will continue to blogm but only on mondays wednesdays and weekends. that's it. Bye.

Two days of excitement

For the first time in Hendersonville I had a real night of excitement. First I went skating which is of course an enormous occasion for me as I am horrible at skating. This time I decided to go blading. At first I epically failed most because of Shannon as she pulled me down and everything. Eventually I was skating like someone who was not five. Speaking of five year olds one of them pushed Shannon down and called her a mother fucker which was highly enjoyable. We did the hockey pokey and I fell a lot. Eventually I was skating marvelously and I want to do it more often. Then we went to Stake and shake. And then we played hide and seek after curfew. I am kind of tired because we stayed out until like 12.
Today nothing happened. But I did sleep for about 11 hours.

Skating party

Technically I have already screwed up the whole blog every day thing so I will describe both "yesterday" and today later.

How to epically fail at trying to woo me

Okay so this guy that I barely know facebook chatted me yesterday which I may or may not have put in here yesterday ( Yes not even I read my blogs anymore). Anyway, I just kind of of did the whole talking to him thing. Apparently he has had an enormous crush on me or something and I told him thanks ( which you should probably take as a no). Three reasons, 1 he lives very far away as in 3 hours. 2. He is not very attractive, he's got like bad acne and stuff. 3. (note sarcasm) He is black. I'm not racist or anything but choosing a relationship is like choosing a toilet seat , if you see brown you should probably go elsewhere. I mean I want to walk up to him and say "Were you aware that your skin color is inferior?" (totally kidding!) Anyway he asked for skype I was honest with my no. He asked for texting, I lied through my teeth and said my phone service doesn't offer it. When asked about calling I just left.

But add a number 4. The guy is a total fucking creeper. He posted pictures of Kingdom hearts guys making out with each other and tagged me as Sorah and him as Rikku. First of all seriously, if you are goingbe creepy at least tag me as a hot cartoon character like Fred from Scooby Doo. It would be more endearing, which leads to the second point. It's not like I'm dating him or anything. It's terrifying when you don't actually know the person that well. Is anyone else wondering if he will somehow ruffie and rape me electronically or like start sending me dirty pictures? It was about the creepiest thing ever. So I blocked him and untagged myself from the photos.

What is it about me that attracts terrifying bi guys. At least the guy with the creepy gages doesn't actually do anything that creepy. I thinks it's bi people in general. There is that Kelly Thompson girl too. So many creepy people, and they all like me

The big 60! and a near death experience

I almost died today. Well sort of. As I was walking out of school at like 7 because of Cinderella, which by the way I totally screwed up every scene that I was in, not including the one I totally forgot to enter in... But anyway Emily Stubbs, attempted to run over me in her car! It was hilarious. No one understands my life. Speaking of "My Life" I am listening to a song from the Bratz movie by a band called the Slumber Party Girls, if you didn't think I could sink any lower. Speaking of low sinking there are several extremely creepy people who have enormous crushes on me right now. I liked the endearing childlike giddyness of Cuddles92 or whatever the hell I called them. No, I have people who are like "I want to have sex with you" and I'm like "I want to barf when I think of sex with you". Puttin' you on my anathema list biotch!

It's really kind of nice to just sort of talk on my blog rather than do something ridiculous and then have nobody read it. My couple of devoted readers will probably appreciate whatever I say anyway. I love you guys! So anyway the next 60 blogs will be more personal, if possible. I will try to stay funny.

Ke$ha on American Idol

BLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

A translation of Low

The Actual chorus
Shawty had them apple bottom jeans (jeans)
Boots with the fur (with the fur)
The whole club was looking at her
She hit the floor (she hit the floor)
Next thing you know
Shawty got low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low
Them baggy sweat pants
And the Reebok's with the straps (with the straps)
She turned around and gave that big booty a smack (hey)
She hit the floor (she hit the floor)
Next thing you know
Shawty got low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low

Translation:

A girl who's name I did not bother to learn was wearing skanky denim pants and some boots similar to those worn by eskimos. Both of which I noticed as I looked at her ass, I was not the only one to do so, in fact everyone in the club was also. She walked onto the dance floor, and as soon as she did, that girls was spreading her oversexual filth across the dancefloor with inappropriate moevements. She was apparently also wearing baggy sweat pants and Reeboks with velcro ( I believe this is a direct insult to her intelligence, claiming that she is unable to tie her shoes). She began dancing, and surprising continued to dance like she was trying to milk a sugar daddy for some cash while he received a boner.

[Flo-Rida]
I ain't never seen something that'll make me go
This crazy all night spending my doe
Had the million dollar vibe and a body to go
Them birthday cakes they stole the show
So sexual
She was flexible professional
Drinking X&O
Hold up, wait a minute, do I see what I think? Whoa
Did her thing seen shawty get low
Ain't the same when it's up that close
Make it rain I'm making it snow
Work the pole I gotta bank roll
I'm gonna say that I prefer the no clothes
I'm in to that I love women exposed
She threw it back at me I gave her mo
Cash ain't a problem I know where it go

Translation

Before this I had yet to see anything that would make my private parts tingle with this amount of excitement. Spending the money I probably received from welfare on a bit of a hormonal bingeby purchasing the womans vagina for a night. He squishy behind was quite impressive. Her dancing was wonderfully erotic, I mistook her for a woman who was a professional sexual dancer. Then I was drinking quite heavy amounts of alcohal. Hold on for approximately sixty seconds. Are you thinking similar thoughts to me? (The next word is an African American interjection that possibly means either a: I am having an orgasmic moment or b: that is a nice behind).Was she dacing like a floozy just now? It is quite different from a close vacinity. She is making my pants get wet and I am turning them white. Then I proposed she rode the pole like a bucking Bronco Llama, as I had quite a bit of cash on me. I must admit I prefer to watch dances when women are unclad, I gain pleasure when I look at girls thrusting their chamber of secrets about as their dirty pillows are flapping around. She returned the money to me, so I added a bit of cash to the pile.

[Chorus (T-Pain)]

[Flo-Rida]
Hey shawty what I gotta do to get you home
My jeans filled with guap and they're ready for showing
Cadillacs laid back for the sexy grown
Patron on the rocks that'll make you moan
One stack (come on), two stacks (come on), three stacks (come on)
Now that's three grand
What you think I'm playing baby girl I'm the man
I'm dealing rubber bands
That's when I threw her legs on my shoulders
I knew it was over
That heny and Cola got me like a soldier
She ready for Rover, I couldn't control her
So lucky on me I was just like clover
Shawty was hot like a toaster
Sorry but I had to fold her
Like a pornography poster
She showed her

Hello, woman. What would I be required to do to receive your services at my abode? My pants are filled with money and they are ready to leave my body. My testicles are prepared for sexual noises, and little Flo Rida is prepared to encourage you to make sexual exclamations. I am counting money. How about three thousand dollars for your filthy prostitution? You don't think I am serious? I am quite looking forward to your sexual services. That is when I placed her legs upon my shoulders and had some sex with her until I nearly had premature ejaculation, the alcohol I had consumed gave me a rifle and left me trigger happy like a boy soldier in Sudan. She was ready for me to play red rover with her internal organs. She was a good purchase, much like a lucky charm that you hang around your genatalia. She was sexually, much like a mechanical box that cooks bread into a crispy texture. I sincerely apologive for the fact that I had to contort her body, similar to the way I might attempt to close a poster of nudity.

[Chorus (T-Pain)]

[Flo-Rida]
Whoa shawty yeah she was worth the money
Little mama took my cash
And I ain't want it back
The way she bent that back
Got all them paper stacks
Tattoo above her crack
I had to handle that
I was zoned in sexy woman
Let me show it make me want it
Two in the morning I'm zoned in
Them rosee bottles foaming
She wouldn't stop
Made it drop
Shawty dipped that pop and lock
Had to break her off that guap
Gal was fine just like my glock

Her sexual services were highly enjoyed. She accepted her payment, and I was glad to pay her for her services, because of the way she contorted herself for my sexual pleasure. She accepted all of the cash, she also had a tattoo rigt about the center of her buttocks. This fact surprised me and I had to deal with this fact as I stared at her. She allowed me to view it and caused me to desire it. It was early in the morning and I was drunk off of some sort of alcohalic beverage. Yet, she continued to dance, bouncing her booty and doing hip hop moves. I had to remove her from the money, because she was sexy similar to the pistol I own.

Oops

Totes forgot to blog today. I'm not doing anything right today. I even misspelled Oops on a paper and that is just a failure.

Stream of conciousness: Wellness class

First of all an explanation. This is a sort of creative piece. Basically I am going to enter the mind of someone every time it is convenient because I am not creative enough to talk about my own life. This is a showcase of sorts because I want real practice as a novelist. This is the closest thing to publishing I have right now. Today I am in the mind of a freshman boy on his first two days of wellness class. This is supposed to record the thoughts of the person. Tell me what you think.
Day 1
Da da da da. I'm going to Wellness now. I guess the gym is this way, this class ought to be pretty simple just run around, don't get fat, and play some kickball. There is nothing scary about high schoo- OH MY GOD THE MEXICANS HAVE COME TO STEAL OUR JOBS! False alarm it's just a tan.. oh here we go Gymnasium. Oh okay everybody is sitting on the bleachers, but where is the gym teacher. OH MY GOD DID THAT FAT GUY EAT HIM?! No, wait that is the gym teacher, he looks quite a bit like a walrus. Well I guess I'll sit down, oh I know her and him and her and her. I guess I'll sit with them. Oh the walrus is singing! No it's telling us to bring exercise clothes for tommorow and that we can talk now. Alright I'll remember that.
FAST FORWARD!
Day 2
Alright I guess these are the changing rooms. I'll just do this quickly and nobody will bother me. HOLY CRAP. There is so much ax being sprayed in here, it's body odor not the bubonic plague, you don't have to coat the room in it. Oh damn, all the jocks are in here. Are they capable of shutting up? Okay so out of the jeans, into the shorts, out of the shirt into the- OUCH. For the love of god! Why the crap did you just hit me. Oh that makes since because "fag". Alright out of here now. The walrus is telling us to run. Running, running, running, when the walrus tell us to stop running? Oh okay now. That took like thirty minutes! Now it's back into my normal clothes, but I'm sweat like a prostitute in church, why do we say that? Is she like being raped by the holy spirit and having all kinds of fun or something OH nevermind! The whole sin thing. What we have to shower!this doesn't make any sense in front of freaking everyone? Oh crap everyone is hitting me with towels again. Oh there are stalls lets see. Occupied. Occupied. Double occupied and... moaning... oh this one is free. FF
All done oh crap where are my clothes. Oh that's real mature give me back pants. Why? because I'll kill you. Give me back my pants. What- AHHHHH! NO PLEASE DON'T. FF

The young boy in this story was later arrested for indecent exposure after his clothes had been urinated on. This is a cautionary tale for young freshman. Except you can't do anything to prevent it so nevermind.

And ask me stuff on my formspring.
http://www.formspring.me/rolyan93

Children, Owls and three hundred masturbators

I went to Mammoth Cave national park today. It is the largest cave in the world. There isn't much to elaborate on except how people should not bring children to small enclosed places where there will be about a hundred other people. In the entire cave children were hugging my legs and whining and shining LED lights directly in my eyes.
So here is a list of places never to bring children
1. Live theatre shows.
2. Caves.
3. Concerts
4. Nice restaurants
5.within eight feet of me

I am obsessed with Owl city right now. I am addicted to Vanilla Twilight. If you haven't heard it you should listen to it now

, Chat roulette. I tried chat roulette, this is an almost exact list of people I saw
Man masturbating, next
two girls, next
An old man, next
An asian girl chatted for a few minutes,
a man and woman having sex, next
A man masturbating, next
A woman juggling her boobs, next
A penis, next
A bunch of stuffed animals and a sign reading show your tits please! next
Couple of guys,next
Michael from five awesome gays! Connection implodes

Don't do it unless you are not phased by the male genatalia.

Oh yeah I just made a formspring. It's at http://www.formspring.me/rolyan93
Ask me anything

Adventure

I am going to start watching all of the really good movies of the past twenty years. Today I saw Up. I loved it. I'd love to blog more but I lost track of time and I will have a real one for you tommorow so... love you all.

Pickup lines5

1. My love for you is like tiling a floor, I'll cover the floor with white stuff and you'll get laid.
2. I will treat you like a taxi, bust in ride you to my destination and get out as fast as possible
3. I will treat you like a spoonful of soup. I will blow you and then swallow.
4. My love for you like is like an ironing board. Yeah I don't love you very much.
5. Roses are Red
Violets are blue
You have nice boobs
Let's f*ck

FFXIII

I just got final fantasy XIII today and I am going to blog about the other previous final fantasy games. Shortly though because I have a killer headache

I
This game had no real characters and the battles feel bland now, but it is still fun. And it started it and all that
II
Good story, crap battle system. But had characters!
III
Exact same as I but no "first game" excuse here.
IV
One of my favorites. Great characters, surprising ending and actually challenging at times. You will love this if you can get into the old battle system.
Lines to look for: "you spoony bard!"
V
All gameplay, silly story. Has a cross dressing assumed lesbian. It's worth it.
VI
The best game it has a wondeful story and the best villian of the series Kefka. He is so insane. He poisoned an entire fucking nation. I love the Opera scene, mog, Celes, Edgar, and Ultros. Go play it if you can stand sprites
VII
Overrated but not bad. Sephiroth is overrated. I really love Cait Sith even if no one esle does.
VIII
Squall is a total loser. The battle system sucks, and the story is mediocre. Bleh.
IX
This game is lovable. It's quite cut at times but it has a very dark story. I love Vivi
X
This one is a crowd pleaser. It has love stories, a well thought out battle system and Lulu. I loves me some Lulu. The Aeons are awesome but the final boss is underwhelming. I cried at the end though.
XI
I never played it. It's fucking online and you have to pay
XII
The story gets dry the battle system is good though. And I like Fran.

Vegetarianism

Top 8 things not to ask a vegetarian
1. What you do if you ate some meat right now? Would you like fecking throw up everywhere, or would you like fecking get crazy and flash everybody cuz... cuz your so weird?
Answer: If a vegetarian eats some meat by accident they do what any normal person would do in an accident, barf all over your fecking face, strip off all of my clothes and pray to pagan gods. Seriously what do people expect?
2. Did you know Hitler was a vegetarian and therefore Vegetarianism causes genocide?
Answer: Hitler was not a vegetarian unless pigeons and sausages are vegetables. Plus Benjamin Franklin was also a vegetarian. Not to mention the fact that people are using the "Hitler did it too!" argument made famous by every fecking internet person in the fecking world.
3.Do you miss meat?
Answer: Obviously not, if I missed meat enough to care I probably would not be a vegetarian.
4. Cavemen were omnivores, why are you going against nature?
Answer: Cavemen slept on fecking rocks too. Why are you going against nature?
5.Aren't you going to die of not having enough protein because meat is the only way you can get protein and is the most efficient type of food and I am just being a bitch right now because I am trying to be intolerant of something so I can feel better about myself?
Answer: Meat is the least efficient source of food. Protein can be found in legumes and seaweed and generally a whole lot of vegetables. Vegeatarians are typically healthier people by nature, because they can't get any of cholesterol or mad cow disease.
6.Dude how can you even do that?
Answer: It doesn't actually require doing anything. It's more of a not doing something type of thing. The conversation should end at "Oh you are a vegetarian" if you do not know the fundamental requirements for vegetarians
7. Did you know god put animals on earth for us to eat?
Answer: First of all I'm an athiest, second "God" put sex organs on earth to make the babies with. So why don't you use them all the freaking time?
8. Gosh are you all animal's deserve right and stuff? Cuz I hate people like that.
Answer: First of all... fuck you.

My homework

I feel like being lazy today so I am publishing my homework
Madame Smarts was punctillious about searching for children breaking rules, often flying through the halls like a harpy multiple times over the course of five minutes looking for a slight hug or unfitting skirt to slap a detention.She seemed to live under the illusion that students believed her to be a constructive critic, while in reality many of the girls at Saint Beatrice Academy believed that God created her as an allusion to the demons on the eighth circle of hell. She was the kind of egregious woman who could smash the skull of a kitten while sipping tea and telling jokes about knitting.
Those who considered the headmistress' decision to hire the noticeably evil woman to be abstruse had not communicated with the headmistress in a long while. While she was a very eminent scholar in her day, signs of her immanent decline into senility were apparent. It started small, forgetting to cite her sources on an article and wearing ballgowns to chapel, but not so long ago she was sighted walking down the halls wearing nothing but an air of professionalism, eliciting giggles from everyone on the site.
While the parents had their problems with Smarts, many were too involved in illicit activities to order an investigation on the woman. As it was in those days, considered a faux pas for a hired companion to have a bratty child clinging to the dollars they gained from their much desired love. So, much to the dismay of the girls, the mothers remained ambivalent to their woes at Saint Beatrice Academy And yet they expected no less, as they had been sent ot boarding school to be expunged from their mother's lives. They were forced to be trained in the ways of the idyllic housewife, to be sold at the end of their schooling to a moderately attractive vault of cash.
However, not every girl Ginger Dalforth was generally viewed as a pernicious slut, a badge which she wore proudly across the expanse of her cleavage which she proudly thrust in front of her as she smirked her way past madame Smarts. The teachers had often complained that she was defiling the younger girls, painting the tabula rasa with images from the Karma Sutra. Once when asked to recapitulate a passage from the bible she had been required to read, she simply stated “Jesus did something to help somebody”.This little antic angered Madame Smarts so much that she finally delivered the coup de grace and required the girl to dress as a nun and sing a history lesson in Latin in front of the entire student body.
Ginger, whose hatred for Madame Smarts had reached a new level, decided to dress up as sister August who's enormously obese.She stuffed her outfit with pillows and grabbed a small American flag, the most anachronistic thing she could find. Her song affected all of the teachers and students, the effect was that all of he students were punished. Ginger used the requirements of her punishment as an aegis against further punishment and barely escaped expulsion. Everyone in the school now predicted that she would become a femme fatale when she graduated.
Kathryn West had a bilious feeling that she envied Ginger's audacity. She reminded herself that the point d'appui was her actions not her thoughts. Then she would also notice the pretentious manner the other girls strutted the halls with. She often felt like like a persona non gratae in any conversation that castigated Ginger and her free spirit.She lagged farther behind the other girls, not dragging her feet in deliberate sluggishness as Ginger, but she made an effort to lax herself and express herself a little further.As she did such she fell on her face and laid face down in the grass feeling impotent.The other girls laughed as she pushed herself up saying “Mea culpa” repeatedly.Then Ginger offered a hand and Kathryn couldn't help feel as if she was taking the hand of the pure enemy of the zeitgeist as she accepted it.>From then on she viewed the other girls with an air of petulance

Oscar hopes

Here are my Oscar hopes.

Actor in a Leading Role

• Jeff Bridges in “Crazy Heart”
• George Clooney in “Up in the Air” <------------ He deserves at least one
  
• Colin Firth in “A Single Man”
• Morgan Freeman in “Invictus”
  
• Jeremy Renner in “The Hurt Locker”

Actor in a Supporting Role

• Matt Damon in “Invictus”
• Woody Harrelson in “The Messenger”
• Christopher Plummer in “The Last Station”
• Stanley Tucci in “The Lovely Bones”
• Christoph Waltz in “Inglourious Basterds” <-------- DIS ONE HERE
  

Actress in a Leading Role

• Sandra Bullock in “The Blind Side”
• Helen Mirren in “The Last Station”
• Carey Mulligan in “An Education”
• Gabourey Sidibe in “Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire” <------ New Actress
  
• Meryl Streep in “Julie & Julia”

Actress in a Supporting Role

• Penélope Cruz in “Nine”
• Vera Farmiga in “Up in the Air”
• Maggie Gyllenhaal in “Crazy Heart”
• Anna Kendrick in “Up in the Air”
• Mo’Nique in “Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire” <------ She is amazing
  

Animated Feature Film

• “Coraline” Henry Selick
• “Fantastic Mr. Fox” Wes Anderson
• “The Princess and the Frog” John Musker and Ron Clements
• “The Secret of Kells” Tomm Moore
• “Up” Pete Docter <--------- Didn't really see it
  

Art Direction

• “Avatar” Art Direction: Rick Carter and Robert Stromberg; Set Decoration: Kim Sinclair<----- the only one I've seen
  
• “The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus” Art Direction: Dave Warren and Anastasia Masaro; Set Decoration: Caroline Smith
• “Nine” Art Direction: John Myhre; Set Decoration: Gordon Sim
• “Sherlock Holmes” Art Direction: Sarah Greenwood; Set Decoration: Katie Spencer
• “The Young Victoria” Art Direction: Patrice Vermette; Set Decoration: Maggie Gray

Cinematography

• “Avatar” Mauro Fiore
• “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince” Bruno Delbonnel <----- So that the Harry Potter series can get something
  
• “The Hurt Locker” Barry Ackroyd
• “Inglourious Basterds” Robert Richardson
• “The White Ribbon” Christian Berger

Costume Design

• “Bright Star” Janet Patterson
• “Coco before Chanel” Catherine Leterrier <------ I had to do a report on this movie
  
• “The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus” Monique Prudhomme
• “Nine” Colleen Atwood
• “The Young Victoria” Sandy Powell

Directing

• “Avatar” James Cameron <---- the only one the movie deserves
  
• “The Hurt Locker” Kathryn Bigelow
• “Inglourious Basterds” Quentin Tarantino
• “Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire” Lee Daniels
• “Up in the Air” Jason Reitman

Documentary (Feature)

• “Burma VJ” Anders Østergaard and Lise Lense-Møller
• “The Cove” Louie Psihoyos and Fisher Stevens
• “Food, Inc.” Robert Kenner and Elise Pearlstein <-------- Very Good
  
• “The Most Dangerous Man in America: Daniel Ellsberg and the Pentagon Papers” Judith Ehrlich and Rick Goldsmith
• “Which Way Home” Rebecca Cammisa

Documentary (Short Subject)

• “China’s Unnatural Disaster: The Tears of Sichuan Province” Jon Alpert and Matthew O’Neill
• “The Last Campaign of Governor Booth Gardner” Daniel Junge and Henry Ansbacher
• “The Last Truck: Closing of a GM Plant” Steven Bognar and Julia Reichert
• “Music by Prudence” Roger Ross Williams and Elinor Burkett
• “Rabbit à la Berlin” Bartek Konopka and Anna Wydra <------- Awww Bunnies!
  

Film Editing

• “Avatar” Stephen Rivkin, John Refoua and James Cameron
• “District 9” Julian Clarke
• “The Hurt Locker” Bob Murawski and Chris Innis
• “Inglourious Basterds” Sally Menke
• “Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire” Joe Klotz <---- I love this one
  

Foreign Language Film

• “Ajami” Israel
• “The Milk of Sorrow (La Teta Asustada)” Peru
• “A Prophet (Un Prophète)” France <------ Gotta root for France
  
• “The Secret in Their Eyes (El Secreto de Sus Ojos)” Argentina
• “The White Ribbon (Das Weisse Band)” Germany

Makeup

• “Il Divo” Aldo Signoretti and Vittorio Sodano
• “Star Trek” Barney Burman, Mindy Hall and Joel Harlow <----- Spock
  
• “The Young Victoria” Jon Henry Gordon and Jenny Shircore

Music (Original Score)

• “Avatar” James Horner
• “Fantastic Mr. Fox” Alexandre Desplat
• “The Hurt Locker” Marco Beltrami and Buck Sanders
• “Sherlock Holmes” Hans Zimmer
• “Up” Michael Giacchino <-------- Didn't see it but going for it
  

Music (Original Song)

• “Almost There” from “The Princess and the Frog” Music and Lyric by Randy Newman
• “Down in New Orleans” from “The Princess and the Frog” Music and Lyric by Randy Newman <-------- I like black princess and this song
  
• “Loin de Paname” from “Paris 36” Music by Reinhardt Wagner Lyric by Frank Thomas
• “Take It All” from “Nine” Music and Lyric by Maury Yeston
• “The Weary Kind (Theme from Crazy Heart)” from “Crazy Heart” Music and Lyric by Ryan Bingham and T Bone Burnett

Best Picture

• “Avatar” James Cameron and Jon Landau, Producers
• “The Blind Side” Gil Netter, Andrew A. Kosove and Broderick Johnson, Producers
• “District 9” Peter Jackson and Carolynne Cunningham, Producers
• “An Education” Finola Dwyer and Amanda Posey, Producers
• “The Hurt Locker” Kathryn Bigelow, Mark Boal, Nicolas Chartier and Greg Shapiro, Producers
• “Inglourious Basterds” Lawrence Bender, Producer
• “Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire” Lee Daniels, Sarah Siegel-Magness and Gary Magness, Producers
• “A Serious Man” Joel Coen and Ethan Coen, Producers
• “Up” Jonas Rivera, Producer <-------Gooooooo! Underdog!
  
• “Up in the Air” Daniel Dubiecki, Ivan Reitman and Jason Reitman, Producers

Short Film (Animated)

• “French Roast” Fabrice O. Joubert
• “Granny O’Grimm’s Sleeping Beauty” Nicky Phelan and Darragh O’Connell
• “The Lady and the Reaper (La Dama y la Muerte)” Javier Recio Gracia
• “Logorama” Nicolas Schmerkin
• “A Matter of Loaf and Death” Nick Park <---- It sounds good
  

Short Film (Live Action)

• “The Door” Juanita Wilson and James Flynn
• “Instead of Abracadabra” Patrik Eklund and Mathias Fjellström
• “Kavi” Gregg Helvey
• “Miracle Fish” Luke Doolan and Drew Bailey <----- Didn't see any of them
  
• “The New Tenants” Joachim Back and Tivi Magnusson

Sound Editing

• “Avatar” Christopher Boyes and Gwendolyn Yates Whittle
• “The Hurt Locker” Paul N.J. Ottosson <------ KAPOW
  
• “Inglourious Basterds” Wylie Stateman
• “Star Trek” Mark Stoeckinger and Alan Rankin
• “Up” Michael Silvers and Tom Myers

Sound Mixing

• “Avatar” Christopher Boyes, Gary Summers, Andy Nelson and Tony Johnson
• “The Hurt Locker” Paul N.J. Ottosson and Ray Beckett
• “Inglourious Basterds” Michael Minkler, Tony Lamberti and Mark Ulano
• “Star Trek” Anna Behlmer, Andy Nelson and Peter J. Devlin
• “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” Greg P. Russell, Gary Summers and Geoffrey Patterson <----- Lol I made a joke
  

Visual Effects

• “Avatar” Joe Letteri, Stephen Rosenbaum, Richard Baneham and Andrew R. Jones <------- DURH!
  
• “District 9” Dan Kaufman, Peter Muyzers, Robert Habros and Matt Aitken
• “Star Trek” Roger Guyett, Russell Earl, Paul Kavanagh and Burt Dalton

Writing (Adapted Screenplay)

• “District 9” Written by Neill Blomkamp and Terri Tatchell
• “An Education” Screenplay by Nick Hornby
• “In the Loop” Screenplay by Jesse Armstrong, Simon Blackwell, Armando Iannucci, Tony Roche
• “Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire” Screenplay by Geoffrey Fletcher <------
  
• “Up in the Air” Screenplay by Jason Reitman and Sheldon Turner

Writing (Original Screenplay)

• “The Hurt Locker” Written by Mark Boal
• “Inglourious Basterds” Written by Quentin Tarantino
• “The Messenger” Written by Alessandro Camon & Oren Moverman
• “A Serious Man” Written by Joel Coen & Ethan Coen
• “Up” Screenplay by Bob Peterson, Pete Docter, Story by Pete Docter, Bob Peterson, Tom McCarthy <--------

See how I did tonight!

Sexy Saturday Animal edition

Cordelia: (interrupts) Harmony, shut up. Do you know what you are, Harmony? You're a sheep.

Harmony: I'm not a sheep.

Cordelia: You're a sheep. All you ever do is what everyone else does just so you can say you did it first. And here I am, scrambling for your approval, when I'm *way* cooler than you are 'cause I'm *not* a sheep. I do what I wanna do, and I wear what I wanna wear. And you know what? I'll date whoever the hell I wanna date. No matter how lame he is.

This had nothing to do with today's topic but I thought you should see it. Today I am talking about my favorite animals based on type. I would call them sexy, but then I sound enormous zoophillic which is very very unsexy.

Best type of Dog: Puggles
Worst Type of Dog

Best type of cat: Sville
Worst type of cat: Silvester, that asshole always trying to kill tweety

Best type of farm animal: Goat
Worst: Goose

Best bug: Dead one
Worst: Butterflies. Fucking obnoxious

Best American Animal: Racoon
Worst: Southern Baptist (just kidding all of my readers)

Best African Animal: Hippo
Worst: Eddie Murphy

Best fish: Clownfish
Worst: Garr

Best bird: Hummingbird
Worst: Goose

Sorry this blog was so random.

ACT

I mming hate the ACT. But I just registered for it like a few minutes ago after my brother forced me to watch this stoner movie with him. I was not on marijuana so I did not understand what the crap was going on in said movie. My grandparents are here, stepdad's side of course. And um... I have to read a book and write to really crappy analysis essays. Sorry about the short blogs but I am a busy person. At least I am continuing to bog despite my busy schedule of associating with things I don't like very much because I have to.

Grease Callbacks

This is a personal update. I got a callback for grease which went really well and took up all of my time tonight. Shortest blog ever. Bye.

The worst things you can possibly do

Want to learn how to be extremely obnoxious try some of these handy things that truly piss me off. Here are a list of types of people that I cannot stand.

1. The lazy shopper. Leave your shopping cart in the middle of the fecking parking lot. Seriously, if you don't have time to put away your shopping cart DON'T GO TO THE GROCERY STORE. I don't care how many times your hips have been replaced you elderly skanks, push the thing into the cart return or move into a nursing home. Have kids in the car? Do you really want to set such a horrible example for your kids by being a satanic lazy jerk? Ugh.

2. The baby bringer. I understand that you have a baby, and that you want to get out of the house. But bringing your baby to the movies, nice restaurants, live theatre shows and any place that is not Chucky cheese's. Seriously your baby will not appreciate Hamlet, Inglorius Basterds, Japanese Hibachi grills... I know you are trying to figure out something to do with your baby. But when you take it out the only thing I want to do with it is throw it directly into the firs of the hibachi flame. (Figuratively of course, I would actually just cut out it's vocal chords so it wouldn't scream anymore)

3. The food taker. I know I have a lot of food. That does not give you the right to reach into my stack of chips and grab a fecking handful. It's not the fact that you ate some it's the fact that you didn't ask. It makes me want to lick all of my food first and then shove a thousand donuts down your throat.

4. The mock helper. That one guy who "helps" you do something and takes credit but doesn't actually do anything. Like when someone is "helping" wit groceries and they just pass you the bag one by one while standing at the trunk. Seriously motherfather! You ain't helping!

Sorry this blog was shorter but I am going to continue this little game for a while, because I am topic desperate even though I had a theme going...

Another Unacceptabe Topic

Today is the sexual preference day. One of the worst topics to talk about with someone you do not plan on having sex with in the near future. I don't want to go into this in high detail. So I won't. Let's just say I like someone who takes control. Actually I have no idea what I like because I have not had sex.
But to show you how horrible sex conversations can be here are a few I have overheard. *All are completely real*

1. "So have you guys ever tried having sex upside down? Man that was some good stuff right there!"

2. "I used this banana last night and I just like mashed it up and..."

3. "Have you ever put a donut down there so that she..."

4. "I had this dream last night about Mr.******, (a scary teacher)..."

5. "So how about the two of us see if we are lesbians this weekend..."

6. "You were so good..." (Same people as above)

7. "Is it weird to use a Daikon radish to..."

8. "So She and I definitely did it on the pews in the church..."

9. "I prefer someone who is willing to be tied up before..."

10. "Have you ever seen that video about the horse twelve times in a row..."

A horrific topic that I am glad to have ducked out of.

PAYBACK TIME

Look here women, we have heard enough about your lady problems (meaning the period of course), and us men (which we will pretend includes me) are sick of hearing about them. Now you must hear the awkward erection discussion.
A man's junk seems to hat him. Whenever it is most inconvenient the boner strikes and there is no real cure. Sure it signifies sexual attraction, SOMETIMES. But the majority of the time it just means that you are sitting a little too comfortably. Another leading cause of erections is the "Man I sure am glad I don't have a raging boner right now!" thought, which will ALWAYS cause one.
The biggest problem with erections is that no one is sympathetic. If you are having the lady issues, sure your life is a living hell but a least people don't yell "Haha Look she's having her TOM, let's all point it out and giggle!". I mean boners get you laughed at and you can't do anything about it. No one will talk to you respectfully if you are packing wood.
There are of course a few surefire methods of getting rid of them.
1. Ignoring them and focusing on something else
2. thinking of the elderly
3. The third option which is the only one that always works
But You can't use option 3, you can only hope for the best or adjust your pants a little bit. I am going to avoid making anyone too much more uncomfortable, but please just understand that GUYS DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT LADY PROBLEMS, and that men deserve a bit more slack.

Conversation Fails

Top 5 things never to talk about casually
1. For Women: Periods, tampons, Maxipads. Anything to do with bleeding out of a vagina. No one needs to know this. Just say, "I'm having lady problems". Men are terrified of Tampons. Telling a man, "wow my special place is bursting forth like the floodgates of hell, and it's like Dead Alive down there. You could bathe in it." is a horrible idea. Honestly that's just disgusting.
For Men: Wet Dreams. Awkward boners.

2. A person's sexual preference of being a top or a bottom, for both gay and straight people. This is soooo awkward, no one wants to tell a person whether they would like to be the dominator or the dominated. So don't ask. It's only important when people are getting really intimate, not at any other time.
Also sexual arrousal at unusual things, fetishes, any sexual dreams, and masturbation.

3. Experiences involving diarrhea. MONTEZUMA'S REVENGE! Or other health problems

4. Money problems especially taxes. If you are having money trouble ask an accountant. Also including what you have done for money out of desperation.


5. Your actual opinions on other people's religions outside of "Yeah, I haven't really taken the time to understand Scientology" instead of "You fucking kiddin' me brah, you Scientology and shit ,man you crack'd up and shit man! You all L.Ron Hubbard is Gawd and shit! Oh my motherfucking lord you an insane bitch baby! You insaaaaaaane bitch!"


And guess what I am talking about this week? Monday- Friday? Anyone?

Yes you, in the back who is black?

"These things?"

You win a prize. Consider awkward week begun.

Gossip

Would life be easier if no one kept secrets from anyone? I mean, if we went out there and just said everything about ourselves openly and freely?
No, absolutely not. People have weird secrets that others can live without knowing. So why do people feel the need to search for other people's secrets and dig into other people's lives? I have enjoyed the wonderful world of he said she said from the victims point of view for my entire life, and I have to say that I love it. From the "Did you really have sex with **** in the bathroom yesterday?" (honestly I heard this once) to the pregnancy rumor incident, being gossiped about is wonderful. Everyone seems to have some opinion of me, as I am an easy guy to judge. I see people talking to me like they think I will eat their unborn children.

So I am going suggest some rumors about myself now so without further ado...
Ten rumors I want spread about me

10."Robert Naylor is pregnant by immaculate conception. He will be having Ceiling Cat's child! "
9. "Robert Naylor had a love affair with a panda"
8. "Robert was adopted. His original parents were Lance Bass and Rosie O'Donnel"
7. "Robert is a stripper on the weekends, he has caused Robert Pattinson to swoon, Miley Cyrus to drool, and Zac Efron to jizz his pants.
6. "Robert is actually the fourth Jo Bro. He is hiding in Hendersonville because he is too amazing for the other brothers"
5. Robert is a mass murderer. He kills everyone who misspells the word Banana.
4. Robert has a second butt. He keeps it under his left foot
3. Robert can make people have orgasms from miles away. He just chooses not to.
2. Robert has never aged a day. He simply attends school over and over again doing different things every time he does
1. Robert actually care what We think about him.

Honest advertising

I saw an ad today for Church's Chicken this woman walked onto the camera and said "I loves me some Church's chicken. Mmmm Crunchy!" Yes she was black. This is the most honest advertising on television today and i think there should be more of it. Here are some suggestions to 10 popular companies

1. Mc. Donald's
"Our food will fuck you up for life, but it doesn't taste very bad."
2. Slyvan Learning Center
"We'll make your lazy child study under the watchful eyes of our creepy Indian tutors, who will constantly say "You are dooo-ing it wrong" until their soul is crushed and they become school robots"
3. Viagra
"It will give you this freaky, raging boner for like seven hours of eldersex"
4.Wendy's
"Our food is really kind of crappy, but we do have frosties"
5. Cocoa Puffs
"This cereal will make your kids so hyper they will explode, therefore ending the financial burden"
6. Wii
" Three weeks of unceasing fun and then you realize it's not, and wonder why you bought one"
7. Walmart
"Our wage slavery is your baragain, come walk on the faces of our employees by buying some of our undercut products that will destroy small businesses and exploit China"
8. All State
"Your in good hands until you get in a crash, then it's your fecking problem"
9.Beneful
" Are you thinking Disgusting food with nutrients that dog is really not enjoying?"
10. Taco Bell
"No self respecting mexican would work here"

Nothing in particular

My pants are going to hanging on a wall at my school's cafeteria and I am mad at my schools principal. Honestly when you are a homophobic skank, you are bound to get blogged about. Apparently she completely rejected the idea about the day of silence, because she said that it would be to contraversial or because she is a complete bigot or whatever the crap she said. What a whore/sham. That was Hendersonville Joke sorry majority of my readers. But anyway can you feel my frown right now?
It's a very positive movement to bring attention to gay bashing and try to put an end to it, not saying that gay people should be allowed to sexytime on her desk. I mean really, you can't be any more homophobic if you reject an anti bullying movement. She apparently flipped out, and wanted it to be completely ignored, so that noone would hear about the cause. See what I mean, total whore/sham.
Anyway I have the talent show tommorow so this blog must suffer. Sorry faithful reader.

Career Option 2: Gold Digging

I think I like this career thing I'm going to roll with it until I get a better idea. (Give me your suggestions!)

First of all some statistics...
49% of women who make $100,000 dollars or more are unmarried. And probably sex starved.
This is believed to be because 75% percent of men prefer a woman who makes a lower income than they do. Personally I think that this is because men are really, really stupid.

If these women are so lonely all a guy would have to do to satisfy them is do a little dance, make a little love, and earn their inheritance. All I have to do is bait myself up for some cougars, really old ones who can't get preggers. I just get em happy and get their money.

That's right I want to be the first male gold digger. I won't even need to go to school, I just need to work out a lot and practice flirting. That's like a million dollar income! All I have to do is feign attraction and love, and I am a brilliant actor. How is that for a job?

I can even do some dancing so they really like they way I look, and they are so tempted that they feel the requirement to sex me. And I will live the life of luzary. I will save money I ear nfrom this venture too. I will be amazingly rich. Tell me what you think.

Career Option 1: Motivational poster maker

I am going to show of some of my career oriented skills every week. This week is the motivational poster making skill. Here are some examples of familiar motivational poster styles.

1. The talking animal. . They say something cute that is supposed to inspire you.

2.The BE YOURSELF! This one is self explanatory

3.The famous person If they did it you can too!

4.The Song lyric incorporation Don't Stop Believin'

5.The Jesus For Catholic schools


Yeah this blog took a long time to make. So what did you think? It's really short but trust me this took forever

This is the way I am

I don't even know how people find out about my blog but apparently I have seven followers. HIGH SCORE! Anyway I think since I am happy about getting seven followers and I am just happy today I thought I should talk about weird things to scare my followers away!
So 40 things that make me abnormally weird... this list long and ridiculous and will serve as a guide to whether or not people should read this blog. And as the introduction I never did. Since fame is on the horizon.
- I'm a vegetarian. And I am also not fucking scared of him. However she does not want to touch me Wa oh or love me wa oh
-I have irrational fears of dolls, grasshopper, geese, and guys who choose to wear crocs, overalls, and saggy pants
- I have like seven shirts that I wear and no other ones. MALL TRIP DIS WEEKEND. One of those shirts is a Charlie the Unicorn shirt that without fail makes everyone immediately love me for five seconds. They say everythime "OH MAH GAWD THAT SHIRT IS AWESOME".
- I facebook stalk all of the people who friend request me who I don't know, and will even talk to them on occasion.
- I was born deformed nipples. I also am murdering a beerless belly right now through...
- Exercise TV videos involving dancing. Especially those with Bollywood in them. Dance club are pretty Badass though
- I was kissraped as a Kindergartner by this girl who liked Ketchup on her Pizza.
-My second "barely" (as in a peck) kiss was with my cousin
- My third "barely" ( as in a peck) kiss was with a guy, also kissraped
- I have several characters that I let enter everyday conversation. "I made a pony... and now it's a unicorn" and "I'M ON AN EFFING WALRUS!"
- I give a voice to my dog so I can converserse with him "Uh, Mr. Robert? Are you sure those are your pants because a lot like Mr. Gerald's pants"
- People tell me I smell good when I sweat
- People like to sit next to me and smell me when I sweat.
- I have a monobrow. Which I can roll like the ocean.
- I hate potatoes
-The smell of bananas kind of turns me on. This just got so awkward. Let's continue in this manner. If I still have seven followers the world has gone insane.
-I have on occasion kissed my reflection for practice.
-I have dreams that I am also a person named Kyle Hawthorne, a nudist who attends public school, does drugs, and plays the legs of a crippled girl in a revival of Pushing Daisies.Oh and he and Kristin Chenowith date sometimes.
-Occasionally I pretend that I am a ghetto latin girl when talking to telemarketers "I gonna take you back to Mexico and kill yo ass!"
-Same as the last but an Indian man "Oh me gawd. You are selling Male Enhancement, may I buy some for my young son
- I love Final Fantasy. That's weird enough.
- I still love NSYNC. OMG Bye, bye, bye OMG
-I can say the alphabet backwards faster than forwards
- I memorized all of the Weird Al Song "Trapped in the drive through"
-I punched a guy in the face. Not because he was ginger, but because he had no soul.
- I talk to myself more than I talk to other people
-My music collection is weird honesly who listens to songs like "Show Me Your Genitals" and "*censored tomorrow's blog censored*
- I know most of the Single Ladies dance
- Same as above, but Bad Romance and the majority of it
-I never wear matching socks
-I love making my own meanings for peoples random "efcedeswhs" stuff "Every fat child eats donuts every Saturday while having sex" or "sghyvcnrt" is "South Georgia's hot young voluptuous children need rape tazers"
-I shave awkward hair places. like my enormous... legs
-I can legitimately say that I have no shame
- I can sing both soprano parts and tenor parts
-I love talking to strangers (you think?)
-I hate styrofoam, Walmart and anyone who dislikes anyone for anything about them based on prejudice
-I don't actually care about religion at all, which a lot of people dislike about me. Why worry about religion?
-I have never had a romantic kiss, or been in a real relationship, but have still had enormous romantic disappointments
- Llamas
- I actually think people care about this stuff about me.

Twilight. A cenematic experience

Today I watched part of Twilight, the movie. LOL, by which of course I mean licking otter legs. I had to end the experience early due to the fact that you can only shove so much cinematic crap down your throat without throwing up into a blog and sharing it with everyone. Now this is sounding a little bit too much like cupchicks which I would prefer to watching the second part of Twilight. So here is Twilight, the movie, part one.
This fecking deer is grazing while Bella is whining about how she is dying. Then Bambi starts running and then someone jumps out and gives him a Jeebus hug and everything is brighty lightys. Seriously watch the movie. THAT IS WHAT HAPPENS.
So Bella is talking to her mom and then Phil says "I love you both, we have to go" actual dialog btw. Then she moves to Forks and her dad takes her home. They have this awful conversation about blankets then Bella sees this frisky cripple outside with a moderately attractive Native American boy. Bella walks outside and the frisky cripple has an exchange of wit with Charlie the cop. Then Bella gets this gosh awful red truck and makes friends with Jacob. They go to a dinner where Bella is remembered by a waitress, then she starts shaking this ketchup around like it's salt, I rewatched this part like four times. She has no understanding of the physics of a ketchup squeeze bottle.
Then she goes to school. Everyone laughs at her truck. Then this politically correct Asian walks up and introduces himself to Bella. Seriously Eric this is Forks, go back to Chopsticks! Then Bella goes to Jim where she throws this ball at Mike Newton's head. Mike Newton is the most attractive guy in this movie, but Bella is only interested in godly boys who look like their faces have been raped by baby powder and guyliner. And she meets Jessica who is quite simply the worst character ever her dialogue sounds like it was never edited. Kind of like this blog but it was written by someone who has never talked to a teenager before ever.
Then Bella sees Edward in the cafeteria and meets this girl who is not important and this Black guy. Go back to Finger's in the chicken bucket! Was that too far? Yeah. She stares at edward and is all make love to me now. then she goes to biology and Edward is covering his nose and he's all "GUURRRL You stanky" and covering his nose and leaning away. Then Bella whines to her mom. Then Edward isn't at school for a while.
When he comes back he is nicer and they have the worst conversation ever. Then the black one tries to kill her and Edward stops the car with his hand. Then the movie is boring until Bella almost gets raped and Eddie saves her. They go to the hospital and then for some reason they go to a greenhouse and blah blah blah. Bella goes to the beach and talks to Jacob then quite ironically tells this one girl that she is "an independent woman" despite the fact that Bella is entirely useless. Bella goes to the store and then almost gets raped. Edward reveals he can read minds "cat". They go home. Bella uses Google and then suddenly...
Bella knows what Edward is is and they go into a forest for my favorite scene in the part of the movie I saw.
Bella drops her backpack and tells Edward everything she has figured out. Then he is like "say it out loud!" and she is like "You are a flaming homosexual". Edward then says, " I need you to know what I look like in the sun. Then they just start running with Bella on piggy back. Then Edward starts to sweat sparkles and he is all "This is the skin of a killer" then he spazzes out throws things around and they start getting happy with each other.
End

I am considering doing more blogs of this variety where I summarize things in this manner, tell me if you liked this.

Do the Hellen Keller

I'm currently blogging while reading an article about Hellen Keller

Why did Hellen Keller's dog kill itself?
Because it's name was ahfjgIUAGFSAFHWEF

How did Hellen Keller's parent's punish her?
They told her to find the corner of a circular room.

But honestly why do we remember Hellen Keller. Because she learned to speak despite impossible odds. Why then, does nothing that Hellen Keller do after she goes to college make it into out history textbooks? Because she was a socialist. And everyone knows that socialists are pure evil.

So hold back your children, because I am a socialist. I think medicine should be free and college should be cheap. I think the poor deserve health and education just as much as everyone else does. Financial aid is not good enough. And the healthcare plan should be socialized.

The fact that it is not, at all, similar to what Europe has, seems not to have been told to the Tea Party.

So do the Hellen Keller and think socialist!

Anyway I'm struggling for topics. Any suggestions? Leave them in the comments

AH! 5 Minutes to blog

What do I say in 5 minutes?
My brother came back today, which is a bother with a r that stands for ridiculous. AH That's it I'll do a chatspeak translations! Okay here goes. umm.
ROFL
Riding on fucking llama.
Ha that was pretty funny no?
Shortest blog yet. Brother was home, pressed for time.
Hearts and love and all that jazz.

Reverting to childhood

Today I am going to review my favorites from childhood and explain why they were either good or awful. This one is longer so I'll begin
Music
Britney Spears
Still good, but not for the same reasons. She is now good for being slutty sounding and catchy. She used to be pretty bad.
Backstreet Boys
Um not so much. They had an okay sound but they just tickled my young love for harmonies
* NSYNC
Still Amazing. Honestly go listen to Bye, Bye, Bye right now and tell me you don't love it. They could dance too. They were awesome. Now I want to do the pop dance for the talent show next year. LOVE THEM
Aaron Carter
He is like Justin Bieber's inspiration. SOOOO BADDD. He sounds like a four year old Kareoke party.
Destiny's Child
Survivor was really good.So was say my name. I actually am buying those songs. Sue me I loved me.

TV Shows
Powerpuff Girls
Oh my gosh this show was so good. Great dialouge, cool fight scenes. I used to get laughed at for watching this, yet I still stand by it proudly
Courage the Cowardly Dog
Still great. NAUGHTY. Go watch that one now. It's really good. I love courage and Muriel and Eustice. Flantasy flan.
Scooby Doo
This show was a big formula every episode was the exact same. But I did love the characters, that's all this show had going for it.
Winnie the Pooh
Aw. I loved Eeyore. This show was so precious, not great but at least very memorable.

Books
Goosebumps
Hahaha. Go to Blogger Beware. This series was bad
Harry Potter
OMG. THE BEST THING EVER
Magic Treehouse
Not good.

This blog was not great. Tommorows will be better! I SWEAR

FOXES ARE DUMB

Let's get this going. 20 Reason why I hate fox
20. They cancel good TV shows. Like Firefly and Wonderfalls. Honestly Fox. You suck.
19. Bill O'Reilly. Some people would think I would put this closer to number one. However Bill O'Reilly is the most moderate conservative on the damn channel and he spent 4 shows talking about how Dumbledore was indoctrinating children into Homosexuality. Compared to some of the later numbers he is tea and cookies.
18.The blatant homophobia of the channel itself. Honestly when you cover a non existent tea party protest and ignore the massive gay rights march. Oh yeah and there were some gays that marched around being all silly and homosexual this weekend, but some tea party people were here a few minutes ago. Honestly, we're not talking about Paris Hilton. You can't film a discarded thong or the general odor of ignorant anger and call that news.
17. the focus on the Tea Party movement. Honestly you expect anyone to care about people marching around saying "What do we want, NO NEGROS IN POL-IT-ICS! OR YOU KNOW TAXES" and carrying ar0und signs that say "We are the jews for Obama's ovens"? What's worse is they criticize other news stations for ignoring protests as small as 500 people. Honestly why did Fox miss my pep rally, there were a bunch of people yelling there? 500 can't be ignored!
16.They fired Colmes. He was the only Liberal employee of the station. Seriously. The only one.
15. They lied about Obama's Healthcare plan to the point of making it look like he said the opposite of what he said. Basically one in the interview he looked at the teleprompter and read that people were asking whether or or not "I would like a Healthcare system similar to those in Europe" (<--- That is what Fox quoted) A question to which he answered no. They totally lied about what he said and sparked a lot of people babbling about nothing, when really Obama was talking about making a more affordable system
14. They basically organized an anti Obama protest.
13.Ann Coulter's opinion seems to be valued on this channel.
12. They hate Lesbians. (See yesterday)
11. They source conservatively. This means that they gather their information in a way that will present a conservative bias. No other news company sources as biasedly as Fox does.
10. During Obama's Campaign they did a story on his taste in music and how it was evil. Obama says that Ludacris is a good musician but Ludacris says lyrics refering to women as bitches and hos, therefore Obama is pimp.
9. They corrupted the innocent fox's name by associating it with their news station. Next they will refer to rape as "Narwhal" and murder as "Armadillo". and genocide as "Puggle".
8. They gave Birthers a bunch of airtime
7. They eat children.
6. Sean Hannity. Totally uniformed. A total idiot. No seriously watch his show he is a Fecking dumbess.
5. They call other news station Liberally Biased, when they hire no liberals and expect not to be called a conservative news station.
4. They say that they interview people of all points of view. This is true but they will say "Here is a treasonous bastard who says John McCain was a bad soldier"
3. Sarah Palin. Honestly this woman is the worst thing to politics ever. she gets her own blog badmouthing her in funny ways
2. Glenn beck. HUGE ASSHOLE
1. They say they are fair and balanced

Sexy Tuesday! TV Edition

This is Sexy Saturday but with a Tuesday twist. Before I go and tell you about what you should and should not be watching, I have sad news. My fish Charleston died today and I thought I should give him a moment of ellipsis...

Anyway before this gets too depressing let me tell you today's categories. Two shows you probably missed, 8 canceled shows you absolutely must get into, and what you should and should not be watching on TV at the moment.

Before I begin let me tell you this: I really, REALLY hate Fox. While this is for a variety of reasons, I will probably use that as my blog tomorrow, So I will focus on the fact that they kill their best shows! You might say, oh the shows just don't get viewers. No. Fox Murders them. You will see what I mean. Basically they take shows that they personally don't like for whatever reason, and place them in the worst possible time slots and then they often randomly change the time slot with no advertising. With a couple of the shows they killed, they aired the episodes out of order.

I have a theory that Fox absolutely hates lesbians. You will see why in a minute.

Shows you probably missed.
1. Wonderfalls. This show was only on air for four episodes. Because, yes it was on Fox. The basic premise of the show is that this underachieving girl who works in a gift shop is suddenly given orders by random toy animals, ping flamingos, and the like. Their little orders, while seemingly random, eventually lead to the main girl helping other character's lives get better. It sounds stupid, but it's not. The writing is incredibly good and funny, the charachters are lovable... but alas the main character's sister is a lesbian. So Fox canceled the show. You can get it on DVD.

2. Firefly. This show has an enormous cult fanbase so I barely need to advertise it here. It's a sci-fi western by the wonderful Joss Whedon, (who, it should be noted, scripted the first lesbian sex scene). Fox also murdered this show. The box set is very popular, so you can probably find it at a Blockbuster, if you don't like to buy things.

The Great Six. My favorite six canceled shows. In order
6. Arrested Development.
This show has a very specific audience, but it is one of my favorite straight comedies ever. I laugh more at this than Seinfeld. It is the story of the Bluth Family, a dysfunctional rich family that lost everything. The show has very quirky characters, like Gob the magician, and Tobias the never- nude former analrapist (both an analyst and a therapist) turned actor. The show eventually begins to use more inside jokes than anything so it's best if you start from the beginning.
5. Veronica Mars
This is a show that you really have to watch from the begining to get into. But once you get into it will hold you until the writing gets lazy in the third season and you are telling yourself "I love the characters, I love the charachters" so you can survive it. Seriously though the first two seasons are so wonderfully crafted, you find yourself stunned and often in tears.
4. Pushing Daisies
A cute quirky comedy about a piemaker who can raise the dead. This show is ingenious, the characters are so unique and I found myself loving all of them from the knitting detective to the the waitress (played by Kristen Chenowith, nuff said). The show makes me laugh every time I see it.
3. Dead Like Me
About George Lass, who becomes a grim reaper after she is hit by a toilet seat that fell from space. The deaths in this show are insanely creative and the dialogue is extremely witty and well written. "It's not about homeland security you stupid motherfucker I'm gunna get a friend!"
2.Angel
Basically this is a Buffy spinoff that took on a bit of a darker tone and ended up turning out to be almost as good as it's parent show which I will now fangasm about.
1. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
The. Best. Show. Ever. Honestly it has love, it's hilarious, it has action, drama, song singing, lesbians... Everything about this show is incredible. The title basically explains the premise. It's about a girl named Buffy who is, in fact, a vampire slayer. But it is about so much more than that. Every episode had me loving the characters more and more until I was riding on the emotional rollercoaster along with them. Favorites include Willow and Anya. If you like dialog, you will love this show. If you like action, you will love this show. If you have the smallest amount of good taste in your body, you will love this show. Go watch it, go buy seasons 1-7 and watch every last one of them. I order you to do so.

Okay I need to wrap this up so these will be shorter.
Sexy Shows
House
This is the best Medical drama on air. Period.
30 Rock
I love this show. It's simply hilarious
South Park
Still just as genius as it was years ago.
Weeds
Amazing, but it is on showtime, so you may not get it on your cable, if you do have showtime, watch this show.
United States of Tara
Another showtime show, you should definitely check it out.
Supernatural
A Buffy knock off, but good nonetheless
Glee
Despite the fact that almost everyone likes it, this show is good.
Bones
The only crime show I can bare anymore.

Unsexy Shows
Lost
Way to overcomplicated. It is also full of plotholes and obnoxious fans
Anything Reality TV, exclding American Idol and my guilty pleasure Bachelor

I don't even know of the existence of other bad TV shows...

One last thing is anyone else sad about iCarly getting canceled? Way to ruin the television for children. Anyway tomorrow I talk about fox news.

Omegladdicted

Today I'm going talk about Omegle. It's a stranger chat website that I LOVE. No seriously it's amazing. You go on there and you get to talk to complete idiots. Like this person.

Stranger: ARE YOU AWARE OF HOW TO STOP YOUR TYPING FROM BEING IN ALL CAPS?

Stranger: I SEEM TO BE HAVING A PROBLEM

You: press the''Caps Lock" key
Stranger: Oh... thanks
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You get to talk to random horny people.
Stranger: Hey sexy girl!
You: Hey sexy 47 year old man.
Stranger: Please. I'm only 43
Stranger: Tell me about your boobs.
You have disconnected.

But best of all you get to have absolutely ridiculous conversations: Like these 7
Touched by an Angel

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hi

Stranger: where are you from?

You: Heaven.

You: I am an angel here to protect young girls from pedophiles

Stranger: you are joke

You: give me your full address so I can make sure no pedophiles get it.

Stranger: oh ,so tell me where are you from please~~~!

You: And tell me what times you are alone at so I can keep them away

You: I told you I am an angel! I am from the tips of gods fingers.

Stranger: yeah ,always

You: Now tell me where you live so I can rape you

You: I mean protect you

You: from being raped

Stranger: china,can you see me ?

You: yes

Stranger: so ,what color my clothes is?

You: I can only see your beautiful face in glimpses from our heavenly father.

You: I see your inner self. You naked.

Stranger: i hate you ^

You: This does not matter you must be raped by your protector,

You: I mean protected from your rapist

Age difference doesn't matter I guess

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hi asl'

You: Hi 23 male USA

Stranger: cool

You: What about you?

Stranger: 12 f florida

You: 12? Shouldn't you be in bed by now?

You: MY BED?

Stranger: nahhh

Stranger: \depends whatcha look like
(HOLY CRAP 12 year olds. Interested. In 23 year olds. WTF)

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

I admit I was inspired by 6
Stranger: hey

Stranger: asl?

You: 7 f tragically not in your pants

Stranger: Oh yeah!
You: Dude you are fucking creeper.
Stranger: What? Can't a guy be horny?

Kitty roleplaying

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hey there

You: Hey are you a boy or a girl

Stranger: what are you?

You: It is quite obvious that I a fluffy white kitten

Stranger: My name is Stacey

You: Oh I see you are a crossdresser

Stranger: why do you say that?

You: Work those hairy legs in a dress!

Stranger: why do you think that?

You: Stacey it's obviously a crossdresser name. That's worse than the name Yolanda!

Stranger: how would know so much about it? what's your name?

You: Mittens

Stranger: cute

Stranger: are you a boy a girl kitty?

You: The bad veteranarian cut off my junk so it doesn't really matter anymore

Stranger: i see. why are you on omegle mittens?

You: Because I was lonely. My owner has 27 other cats and she completely ignores me

Stranger: don't you want a new owner?

You: I do, I do

You: Will you be my owner?

Stranger: i'd love a new kitty yes

You: OH MY GOD THIS STACEY MAN-GAL WANT'S MY PUSSY!

Most of my other ones weren't this fun. I just thought I''d share some as a break from my normal blogs. Anyway. Omegle is awesome. And I wil lhave a real blog tommorow. It will be a Sexy Tuesday. Because I totally forgot Sexy Saturday.

Sort of boring day

I was going to blog about the mystical love that I fell in today because I posted that thing on here, but alas, life is crap. Today is a straight up blog about my life, but I will try to be funny about it.
I had to go to church, which would be a good thing/bad thing/WHY IS MY LIFE SO COMPLEX?/sort of interesting. But alas when one is forced to go to something they do not care about and none of the few friends they have who attend said event are at said event... okay let me make this as simple I went to church which I, as what some might call a filthy heathen and denier of our lord and savior Jesus Christ who died to save your sins you ungrateful little wrench, do not particularly enjoy attending church. My parents said that we have to go to church as a family but I don't have to go to the same church. First of all WTF kind of logic is that? Second I decided to go to a church someone I had been asked out by once before attended. Said person who I shall henceforth refer to as Cuddles94, had asked me out on a weekend I was scheduled to attend to orthodontist on. The orthodontist seems like a crap excuse to dodge a date. Not in my house.
More WTF logic from my parents: since we moved Robert in the middle of his braces sentence, we should not find a new orthodontist, but instead waste entire Saturdays driving eight hours to and from the orthodontist. With pointless short breaks, which my stepdad defines as about 30 minutes of me sitting in the car alone while he chats up the elderly.
Anyway long story short there was a French club party, and Cuddles94 was like "You should totally make such and such recipe that is time consuming so that I will attend this party, otherwise I will not go. I am totally not fucking lying right now and certainly do not actually have plans to coffee with someone else after school tommorow, if I was I would tell you and this would be noncomplicated and your vengeful streak won't have to battle your attraction and genuine liking of me later on." Long story short. People lie. But I didn't let on that this totally rubbed me the wrong way and still haven't.

Then I got to see Cuddles94 struggle under the pressures of the new relationship. Until the rents totally find out about a little presex funtimes, and Cuddles94 felt the sting of long term punishment. When the txt... to a friend of Cuddles94 ended their short lived relationship. I was able to taste the sweet air of karma and the wonderful words "Na na na na! That's what you get jerkface!"

Anyway Cuddles94 goes to the church and recently broke through the rent's watchful eyes to send people Facebook messages. Then I get one about attending the church again, and I get my hopes up for an interesting Valentines and Cuddles94 is a no show.

BLUGH. Wow human race Wow.

Short blog.

This will be the last love themed blog for a long while anyway, unless I like fall in love tommorow or something because I think everyone including me is getting sick of them. This blog will be short because my parents love me and I must go to a church even if it is not the one they go to because God will heal my life and make everything better. His method of doing this is strange, it seems to involve synchronized singing badly, putting on ugly clothes under the pretense that they are nice, and waking up ridiculously early. Today will just be about some interesting things about love and relationships, which I will comment on using some humorous explanations.

Fisrt thing I would like to say: Did you know that being in love actually releases a chemical similar to amphetamines? That's right love is crystal meth. That's probably why all meth addicts are trailer park dwellers with no friends, family, or cats. Because when you are in love you get all the fun times of drugs, without looking like you can't spell the word dentist.

Ain't ya spell that D-N-T-47?

A lot of people know that the longest time any two people have ever been in a relationship for is recorded to be 85 years of marriage? Did you know this is also the longest recorded time that a human has not had sex? All the virgins die before 84 from meth amphetamine related accidents. The shortest recorded relationship lasted for .0000012 seconds when man asked a girl out and received a yes at the exact moment the woman was eviscerated by a passerby. *BS ALERT*

Paraphilia is sexual attraction to strange things. In order to qualify as a paraphilia, the perversion has to be recored in only a very small number of people. I am going to list some of my favorites:
Pyrophilia: Sexual attraction to fire. This is possible impractical perversion I can possibly imagine.
Ursusagalmatophilia. Sexual attraction to stuffed animals. This perversion is present in all teenage boys as when they see stuffed animals they feel the need to set up elaborate sex scenes and video tape them.
Nasophilia- Attraction to noses. The bigger the better.
Dendrophillia- Attraction to trees. A haiku
Sexytime splinters
Skiddillydoo porcupine.
OW! My effing junk


I don't want to end on a sexual note so let me go with Shakespearean one.

Did you know that Shakespeare's most famous love sonnet was written to a man? Yes. "Shall I Compare Thee to a Summer's Day?" was written for the Earl of South Hampton. While Shakespeare would seem, through his sonnets, to fall in love with this man, he eventually gives up on a relationship with him because he wants the Earl to have some babies.
Later Shakespeare would go on to fall in love with the dark lady to whom he wrote several of his most popular love sonnets to.

Hmm I still feel like I need to say something to wrap this up so I am going to go for a personal note.
I've never fallen in love because I haven't had the opportunity. Maybe one day soon an opportunity will knock, but I am past the days where I will whine because I do not have anyone in my life. (At least until the next five days on and before Valentines day). I am above posting chain messages saying that I will get a kiss this Valentines day.

Don't read this, it really works
1. Say your name five times.
2. Say your crushes name five times.
3. spin around seven times while saying "Love is Everywhere"
4. Post this to your blog or send to five people in the next hour and your crush will ask you out on Valentines day. If you don't you will be chained up in a public bathroom and whipped and raped by leather clad insane lesbians until you are unable to have children.

Or attending a certain church just because someone I like goes there. *cough* *cough*. Well if I have to go to one I might as well go to one with benefits right?

Or sending myself a rose...

Or blogging about love for a week just to whine about my frustrations with my life.

Yeah I'm perfectly well adjusted!