Two days of excitement

For the first time in Hendersonville I had a real night of excitement. First I went skating which is of course an enormous occasion for me as I am horrible at skating. This time I decided to go blading. At first I epically failed most because of Shannon as she pulled me down and everything. Eventually I was skating like someone who was not five. Speaking of five year olds one of them pushed Shannon down and called her a mother fucker which was highly enjoyable. We did the hockey pokey and I fell a lot. Eventually I was skating marvelously and I want to do it more often. Then we went to Stake and shake. And then we played hide and seek after curfew. I am kind of tired because we stayed out until like 12.
Today nothing happened. But I did sleep for about 11 hours.

Skating party

Technically I have already screwed up the whole blog every day thing so I will describe both "yesterday" and today later.

How to epically fail at trying to woo me

Okay so this guy that I barely know facebook chatted me yesterday which I may or may not have put in here yesterday ( Yes not even I read my blogs anymore). Anyway, I just kind of of did the whole talking to him thing. Apparently he has had an enormous crush on me or something and I told him thanks ( which you should probably take as a no). Three reasons, 1 he lives very far away as in 3 hours. 2. He is not very attractive, he's got like bad acne and stuff. 3. (note sarcasm) He is black. I'm not racist or anything but choosing a relationship is like choosing a toilet seat , if you see brown you should probably go elsewhere. I mean I want to walk up to him and say "Were you aware that your skin color is inferior?" (totally kidding!) Anyway he asked for skype I was honest with my no. He asked for texting, I lied through my teeth and said my phone service doesn't offer it. When asked about calling I just left.

But add a number 4. The guy is a total fucking creeper. He posted pictures of Kingdom hearts guys making out with each other and tagged me as Sorah and him as Rikku. First of all seriously, if you are goingbe creepy at least tag me as a hot cartoon character like Fred from Scooby Doo. It would be more endearing, which leads to the second point. It's not like I'm dating him or anything. It's terrifying when you don't actually know the person that well. Is anyone else wondering if he will somehow ruffie and rape me electronically or like start sending me dirty pictures? It was about the creepiest thing ever. So I blocked him and untagged myself from the photos.

What is it about me that attracts terrifying bi guys. At least the guy with the creepy gages doesn't actually do anything that creepy. I thinks it's bi people in general. There is that Kelly Thompson girl too. So many creepy people, and they all like me

The big 60! and a near death experience

I almost died today. Well sort of. As I was walking out of school at like 7 because of Cinderella, which by the way I totally screwed up every scene that I was in, not including the one I totally forgot to enter in... But anyway Emily Stubbs, attempted to run over me in her car! It was hilarious. No one understands my life. Speaking of "My Life" I am listening to a song from the Bratz movie by a band called the Slumber Party Girls, if you didn't think I could sink any lower. Speaking of low sinking there are several extremely creepy people who have enormous crushes on me right now. I liked the endearing childlike giddyness of Cuddles92 or whatever the hell I called them. No, I have people who are like "I want to have sex with you" and I'm like "I want to barf when I think of sex with you". Puttin' you on my anathema list biotch!

It's really kind of nice to just sort of talk on my blog rather than do something ridiculous and then have nobody read it. My couple of devoted readers will probably appreciate whatever I say anyway. I love you guys! So anyway the next 60 blogs will be more personal, if possible. I will try to stay funny.

Ke$ha on American Idol

BLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

A translation of Low

The Actual chorus
Shawty had them apple bottom jeans (jeans)
Boots with the fur (with the fur)
The whole club was looking at her
She hit the floor (she hit the floor)
Next thing you know
Shawty got low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low
Them baggy sweat pants
And the Reebok's with the straps (with the straps)
She turned around and gave that big booty a smack (hey)
She hit the floor (she hit the floor)
Next thing you know
Shawty got low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low

Translation:

A girl who's name I did not bother to learn was wearing skanky denim pants and some boots similar to those worn by eskimos. Both of which I noticed as I looked at her ass, I was not the only one to do so, in fact everyone in the club was also. She walked onto the dance floor, and as soon as she did, that girls was spreading her oversexual filth across the dancefloor with inappropriate moevements. She was apparently also wearing baggy sweat pants and Reeboks with velcro ( I believe this is a direct insult to her intelligence, claiming that she is unable to tie her shoes). She began dancing, and surprising continued to dance like she was trying to milk a sugar daddy for some cash while he received a boner.

[Flo-Rida]
I ain't never seen something that'll make me go
This crazy all night spending my doe
Had the million dollar vibe and a body to go
Them birthday cakes they stole the show
So sexual
She was flexible professional
Drinking X&O
Hold up, wait a minute, do I see what I think? Whoa
Did her thing seen shawty get low
Ain't the same when it's up that close
Make it rain I'm making it snow
Work the pole I gotta bank roll
I'm gonna say that I prefer the no clothes
I'm in to that I love women exposed
She threw it back at me I gave her mo
Cash ain't a problem I know where it go

Translation

Before this I had yet to see anything that would make my private parts tingle with this amount of excitement. Spending the money I probably received from welfare on a bit of a hormonal bingeby purchasing the womans vagina for a night. He squishy behind was quite impressive. Her dancing was wonderfully erotic, I mistook her for a woman who was a professional sexual dancer. Then I was drinking quite heavy amounts of alcohal. Hold on for approximately sixty seconds. Are you thinking similar thoughts to me? (The next word is an African American interjection that possibly means either a: I am having an orgasmic moment or b: that is a nice behind).Was she dacing like a floozy just now? It is quite different from a close vacinity. She is making my pants get wet and I am turning them white. Then I proposed she rode the pole like a bucking Bronco Llama, as I had quite a bit of cash on me. I must admit I prefer to watch dances when women are unclad, I gain pleasure when I look at girls thrusting their chamber of secrets about as their dirty pillows are flapping around. She returned the money to me, so I added a bit of cash to the pile.

[Chorus (T-Pain)]

[Flo-Rida]
Hey shawty what I gotta do to get you home
My jeans filled with guap and they're ready for showing
Cadillacs laid back for the sexy grown
Patron on the rocks that'll make you moan
One stack (come on), two stacks (come on), three stacks (come on)
Now that's three grand
What you think I'm playing baby girl I'm the man
I'm dealing rubber bands
That's when I threw her legs on my shoulders
I knew it was over
That heny and Cola got me like a soldier
She ready for Rover, I couldn't control her
So lucky on me I was just like clover
Shawty was hot like a toaster
Sorry but I had to fold her
Like a pornography poster
She showed her

Hello, woman. What would I be required to do to receive your services at my abode? My pants are filled with money and they are ready to leave my body. My testicles are prepared for sexual noises, and little Flo Rida is prepared to encourage you to make sexual exclamations. I am counting money. How about three thousand dollars for your filthy prostitution? You don't think I am serious? I am quite looking forward to your sexual services. That is when I placed her legs upon my shoulders and had some sex with her until I nearly had premature ejaculation, the alcohol I had consumed gave me a rifle and left me trigger happy like a boy soldier in Sudan. She was ready for me to play red rover with her internal organs. She was a good purchase, much like a lucky charm that you hang around your genatalia. She was sexually, much like a mechanical box that cooks bread into a crispy texture. I sincerely apologive for the fact that I had to contort her body, similar to the way I might attempt to close a poster of nudity.

[Chorus (T-Pain)]

[Flo-Rida]
Whoa shawty yeah she was worth the money
Little mama took my cash
And I ain't want it back
The way she bent that back
Got all them paper stacks
Tattoo above her crack
I had to handle that
I was zoned in sexy woman
Let me show it make me want it
Two in the morning I'm zoned in
Them rosee bottles foaming
She wouldn't stop
Made it drop
Shawty dipped that pop and lock
Had to break her off that guap
Gal was fine just like my glock

Her sexual services were highly enjoyed. She accepted her payment, and I was glad to pay her for her services, because of the way she contorted herself for my sexual pleasure. She accepted all of the cash, she also had a tattoo rigt about the center of her buttocks. This fact surprised me and I had to deal with this fact as I stared at her. She allowed me to view it and caused me to desire it. It was early in the morning and I was drunk off of some sort of alcohalic beverage. Yet, she continued to dance, bouncing her booty and doing hip hop moves. I had to remove her from the money, because she was sexy similar to the pistol I own.

Oops

Totes forgot to blog today. I'm not doing anything right today. I even misspelled Oops on a paper and that is just a failure.

Stream of conciousness: Wellness class

First of all an explanation. This is a sort of creative piece. Basically I am going to enter the mind of someone every time it is convenient because I am not creative enough to talk about my own life. This is a showcase of sorts because I want real practice as a novelist. This is the closest thing to publishing I have right now. Today I am in the mind of a freshman boy on his first two days of wellness class. This is supposed to record the thoughts of the person. Tell me what you think.
Day 1
Da da da da. I'm going to Wellness now. I guess the gym is this way, this class ought to be pretty simple just run around, don't get fat, and play some kickball. There is nothing scary about high schoo- OH MY GOD THE MEXICANS HAVE COME TO STEAL OUR JOBS! False alarm it's just a tan.. oh here we go Gymnasium. Oh okay everybody is sitting on the bleachers, but where is the gym teacher. OH MY GOD DID THAT FAT GUY EAT HIM?! No, wait that is the gym teacher, he looks quite a bit like a walrus. Well I guess I'll sit down, oh I know her and him and her and her. I guess I'll sit with them. Oh the walrus is singing! No it's telling us to bring exercise clothes for tommorow and that we can talk now. Alright I'll remember that.
FAST FORWARD!
Day 2
Alright I guess these are the changing rooms. I'll just do this quickly and nobody will bother me. HOLY CRAP. There is so much ax being sprayed in here, it's body odor not the bubonic plague, you don't have to coat the room in it. Oh damn, all the jocks are in here. Are they capable of shutting up? Okay so out of the jeans, into the shorts, out of the shirt into the- OUCH. For the love of god! Why the crap did you just hit me. Oh that makes since because "fag". Alright out of here now. The walrus is telling us to run. Running, running, running, when the walrus tell us to stop running? Oh okay now. That took like thirty minutes! Now it's back into my normal clothes, but I'm sweat like a prostitute in church, why do we say that? Is she like being raped by the holy spirit and having all kinds of fun or something OH nevermind! The whole sin thing. What we have to shower!this doesn't make any sense in front of freaking everyone? Oh crap everyone is hitting me with towels again. Oh there are stalls lets see. Occupied. Occupied. Double occupied and... moaning... oh this one is free. FF
All done oh crap where are my clothes. Oh that's real mature give me back pants. Why? because I'll kill you. Give me back my pants. What- AHHHHH! NO PLEASE DON'T. FF

The young boy in this story was later arrested for indecent exposure after his clothes had been urinated on. This is a cautionary tale for young freshman. Except you can't do anything to prevent it so nevermind.

And ask me stuff on my formspring.
http://www.formspring.me/rolyan93

Children, Owls and three hundred masturbators

I went to Mammoth Cave national park today. It is the largest cave in the world. There isn't much to elaborate on except how people should not bring children to small enclosed places where there will be about a hundred other people. In the entire cave children were hugging my legs and whining and shining LED lights directly in my eyes.
So here is a list of places never to bring children
1. Live theatre shows.
2. Caves.
3. Concerts
4. Nice restaurants
5.within eight feet of me

I am obsessed with Owl city right now. I am addicted to Vanilla Twilight. If you haven't heard it you should listen to it now

, Chat roulette. I tried chat roulette, this is an almost exact list of people I saw
Man masturbating, next
two girls, next
An old man, next
An asian girl chatted for a few minutes,
a man and woman having sex, next
A man masturbating, next
A woman juggling her boobs, next
A penis, next
A bunch of stuffed animals and a sign reading show your tits please! next
Couple of guys,next
Michael from five awesome gays! Connection implodes

Don't do it unless you are not phased by the male genatalia.

Oh yeah I just made a formspring. It's at http://www.formspring.me/rolyan93
Ask me anything

Adventure

I am going to start watching all of the really good movies of the past twenty years. Today I saw Up. I loved it. I'd love to blog more but I lost track of time and I will have a real one for you tommorow so... love you all.

Pickup lines5

1. My love for you is like tiling a floor, I'll cover the floor with white stuff and you'll get laid.
2. I will treat you like a taxi, bust in ride you to my destination and get out as fast as possible
3. I will treat you like a spoonful of soup. I will blow you and then swallow.
4. My love for you like is like an ironing board. Yeah I don't love you very much.
5. Roses are Red
Violets are blue
You have nice boobs
Let's f*ck

FFXIII

I just got final fantasy XIII today and I am going to blog about the other previous final fantasy games. Shortly though because I have a killer headache

I
This game had no real characters and the battles feel bland now, but it is still fun. And it started it and all that
II
Good story, crap battle system. But had characters!
III
Exact same as I but no "first game" excuse here.
IV
One of my favorites. Great characters, surprising ending and actually challenging at times. You will love this if you can get into the old battle system.
Lines to look for: "you spoony bard!"
V
All gameplay, silly story. Has a cross dressing assumed lesbian. It's worth it.
VI
The best game it has a wondeful story and the best villian of the series Kefka. He is so insane. He poisoned an entire fucking nation. I love the Opera scene, mog, Celes, Edgar, and Ultros. Go play it if you can stand sprites
VII
Overrated but not bad. Sephiroth is overrated. I really love Cait Sith even if no one esle does.
VIII
Squall is a total loser. The battle system sucks, and the story is mediocre. Bleh.
IX
This game is lovable. It's quite cut at times but it has a very dark story. I love Vivi
X
This one is a crowd pleaser. It has love stories, a well thought out battle system and Lulu. I loves me some Lulu. The Aeons are awesome but the final boss is underwhelming. I cried at the end though.
XI
I never played it. It's fucking online and you have to pay
XII
The story gets dry the battle system is good though. And I like Fran.

Vegetarianism

Top 8 things not to ask a vegetarian
1. What you do if you ate some meat right now? Would you like fecking throw up everywhere, or would you like fecking get crazy and flash everybody cuz... cuz your so weird?
Answer: If a vegetarian eats some meat by accident they do what any normal person would do in an accident, barf all over your fecking face, strip off all of my clothes and pray to pagan gods. Seriously what do people expect?
2. Did you know Hitler was a vegetarian and therefore Vegetarianism causes genocide?
Answer: Hitler was not a vegetarian unless pigeons and sausages are vegetables. Plus Benjamin Franklin was also a vegetarian. Not to mention the fact that people are using the "Hitler did it too!" argument made famous by every fecking internet person in the fecking world.
3.Do you miss meat?
Answer: Obviously not, if I missed meat enough to care I probably would not be a vegetarian.
4. Cavemen were omnivores, why are you going against nature?
Answer: Cavemen slept on fecking rocks too. Why are you going against nature?
5.Aren't you going to die of not having enough protein because meat is the only way you can get protein and is the most efficient type of food and I am just being a bitch right now because I am trying to be intolerant of something so I can feel better about myself?
Answer: Meat is the least efficient source of food. Protein can be found in legumes and seaweed and generally a whole lot of vegetables. Vegeatarians are typically healthier people by nature, because they can't get any of cholesterol or mad cow disease.
6.Dude how can you even do that?
Answer: It doesn't actually require doing anything. It's more of a not doing something type of thing. The conversation should end at "Oh you are a vegetarian" if you do not know the fundamental requirements for vegetarians
7. Did you know god put animals on earth for us to eat?
Answer: First of all I'm an athiest, second "God" put sex organs on earth to make the babies with. So why don't you use them all the freaking time?
8. Gosh are you all animal's deserve right and stuff? Cuz I hate people like that.
Answer: First of all... fuck you.

My homework

I feel like being lazy today so I am publishing my homework
Madame Smarts was punctillious about searching for children breaking rules, often flying through the halls like a harpy multiple times over the course of five minutes looking for a slight hug or unfitting skirt to slap a detention.She seemed to live under the illusion that students believed her to be a constructive critic, while in reality many of the girls at Saint Beatrice Academy believed that God created her as an allusion to the demons on the eighth circle of hell. She was the kind of egregious woman who could smash the skull of a kitten while sipping tea and telling jokes about knitting.
Those who considered the headmistress' decision to hire the noticeably evil woman to be abstruse had not communicated with the headmistress in a long while. While she was a very eminent scholar in her day, signs of her immanent decline into senility were apparent. It started small, forgetting to cite her sources on an article and wearing ballgowns to chapel, but not so long ago she was sighted walking down the halls wearing nothing but an air of professionalism, eliciting giggles from everyone on the site.
While the parents had their problems with Smarts, many were too involved in illicit activities to order an investigation on the woman. As it was in those days, considered a faux pas for a hired companion to have a bratty child clinging to the dollars they gained from their much desired love. So, much to the dismay of the girls, the mothers remained ambivalent to their woes at Saint Beatrice Academy And yet they expected no less, as they had been sent ot boarding school to be expunged from their mother's lives. They were forced to be trained in the ways of the idyllic housewife, to be sold at the end of their schooling to a moderately attractive vault of cash.
However, not every girl Ginger Dalforth was generally viewed as a pernicious slut, a badge which she wore proudly across the expanse of her cleavage which she proudly thrust in front of her as she smirked her way past madame Smarts. The teachers had often complained that she was defiling the younger girls, painting the tabula rasa with images from the Karma Sutra. Once when asked to recapitulate a passage from the bible she had been required to read, she simply stated “Jesus did something to help somebody”.This little antic angered Madame Smarts so much that she finally delivered the coup de grace and required the girl to dress as a nun and sing a history lesson in Latin in front of the entire student body.
Ginger, whose hatred for Madame Smarts had reached a new level, decided to dress up as sister August who's enormously obese.She stuffed her outfit with pillows and grabbed a small American flag, the most anachronistic thing she could find. Her song affected all of the teachers and students, the effect was that all of he students were punished. Ginger used the requirements of her punishment as an aegis against further punishment and barely escaped expulsion. Everyone in the school now predicted that she would become a femme fatale when she graduated.
Kathryn West had a bilious feeling that she envied Ginger's audacity. She reminded herself that the point d'appui was her actions not her thoughts. Then she would also notice the pretentious manner the other girls strutted the halls with. She often felt like like a persona non gratae in any conversation that castigated Ginger and her free spirit.She lagged farther behind the other girls, not dragging her feet in deliberate sluggishness as Ginger, but she made an effort to lax herself and express herself a little further.As she did such she fell on her face and laid face down in the grass feeling impotent.The other girls laughed as she pushed herself up saying “Mea culpa” repeatedly.Then Ginger offered a hand and Kathryn couldn't help feel as if she was taking the hand of the pure enemy of the zeitgeist as she accepted it.>From then on she viewed the other girls with an air of petulance

Oscar hopes

Here are my Oscar hopes.

Actor in a Leading Role

• Jeff Bridges in “Crazy Heart”
• George Clooney in “Up in the Air” <------------ He deserves at least one
  
• Colin Firth in “A Single Man”
• Morgan Freeman in “Invictus”
  
• Jeremy Renner in “The Hurt Locker”

Actor in a Supporting Role

• Matt Damon in “Invictus”
• Woody Harrelson in “The Messenger”
• Christopher Plummer in “The Last Station”
• Stanley Tucci in “The Lovely Bones”
• Christoph Waltz in “Inglourious Basterds” <-------- DIS ONE HERE
  

Actress in a Leading Role

• Sandra Bullock in “The Blind Side”
• Helen Mirren in “The Last Station”
• Carey Mulligan in “An Education”
• Gabourey Sidibe in “Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire” <------ New Actress
  
• Meryl Streep in “Julie & Julia”

Actress in a Supporting Role

• Penélope Cruz in “Nine”
• Vera Farmiga in “Up in the Air”
• Maggie Gyllenhaal in “Crazy Heart”
• Anna Kendrick in “Up in the Air”
• Mo’Nique in “Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire” <------ She is amazing
  

Animated Feature Film

• “Coraline” Henry Selick
• “Fantastic Mr. Fox” Wes Anderson
• “The Princess and the Frog” John Musker and Ron Clements
• “The Secret of Kells” Tomm Moore
• “Up” Pete Docter <--------- Didn't really see it
  

Art Direction

• “Avatar” Art Direction: Rick Carter and Robert Stromberg; Set Decoration: Kim Sinclair<----- the only one I've seen
  
• “The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus” Art Direction: Dave Warren and Anastasia Masaro; Set Decoration: Caroline Smith
• “Nine” Art Direction: John Myhre; Set Decoration: Gordon Sim
• “Sherlock Holmes” Art Direction: Sarah Greenwood; Set Decoration: Katie Spencer
• “The Young Victoria” Art Direction: Patrice Vermette; Set Decoration: Maggie Gray

Cinematography

• “Avatar” Mauro Fiore
• “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince” Bruno Delbonnel <----- So that the Harry Potter series can get something
  
• “The Hurt Locker” Barry Ackroyd
• “Inglourious Basterds” Robert Richardson
• “The White Ribbon” Christian Berger

Costume Design

• “Bright Star” Janet Patterson
• “Coco before Chanel” Catherine Leterrier <------ I had to do a report on this movie
  
• “The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus” Monique Prudhomme
• “Nine” Colleen Atwood
• “The Young Victoria” Sandy Powell

Directing

• “Avatar” James Cameron <---- the only one the movie deserves
  
• “The Hurt Locker” Kathryn Bigelow
• “Inglourious Basterds” Quentin Tarantino
• “Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire” Lee Daniels
• “Up in the Air” Jason Reitman

Documentary (Feature)

• “Burma VJ” Anders Østergaard and Lise Lense-Møller
• “The Cove” Louie Psihoyos and Fisher Stevens
• “Food, Inc.” Robert Kenner and Elise Pearlstein <-------- Very Good
  
• “The Most Dangerous Man in America: Daniel Ellsberg and the Pentagon Papers” Judith Ehrlich and Rick Goldsmith
• “Which Way Home” Rebecca Cammisa

Documentary (Short Subject)

• “China’s Unnatural Disaster: The Tears of Sichuan Province” Jon Alpert and Matthew O’Neill
• “The Last Campaign of Governor Booth Gardner” Daniel Junge and Henry Ansbacher
• “The Last Truck: Closing of a GM Plant” Steven Bognar and Julia Reichert
• “Music by Prudence” Roger Ross Williams and Elinor Burkett
• “Rabbit à la Berlin” Bartek Konopka and Anna Wydra <------- Awww Bunnies!
  

Film Editing

• “Avatar” Stephen Rivkin, John Refoua and James Cameron
• “District 9” Julian Clarke
• “The Hurt Locker” Bob Murawski and Chris Innis
• “Inglourious Basterds” Sally Menke
• “Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire” Joe Klotz <---- I love this one
  

Foreign Language Film

• “Ajami” Israel
• “The Milk of Sorrow (La Teta Asustada)” Peru
• “A Prophet (Un Prophète)” France <------ Gotta root for France
  
• “The Secret in Their Eyes (El Secreto de Sus Ojos)” Argentina
• “The White Ribbon (Das Weisse Band)” Germany

Makeup

• “Il Divo” Aldo Signoretti and Vittorio Sodano
• “Star Trek” Barney Burman, Mindy Hall and Joel Harlow <----- Spock
  
• “The Young Victoria” Jon Henry Gordon and Jenny Shircore

Music (Original Score)

• “Avatar” James Horner
• “Fantastic Mr. Fox” Alexandre Desplat
• “The Hurt Locker” Marco Beltrami and Buck Sanders
• “Sherlock Holmes” Hans Zimmer
• “Up” Michael Giacchino <-------- Didn't see it but going for it
  

Music (Original Song)

• “Almost There” from “The Princess and the Frog” Music and Lyric by Randy Newman
• “Down in New Orleans” from “The Princess and the Frog” Music and Lyric by Randy Newman <-------- I like black princess and this song
  
• “Loin de Paname” from “Paris 36” Music by Reinhardt Wagner Lyric by Frank Thomas
• “Take It All” from “Nine” Music and Lyric by Maury Yeston
• “The Weary Kind (Theme from Crazy Heart)” from “Crazy Heart” Music and Lyric by Ryan Bingham and T Bone Burnett

Best Picture

• “Avatar” James Cameron and Jon Landau, Producers
• “The Blind Side” Gil Netter, Andrew A. Kosove and Broderick Johnson, Producers
• “District 9” Peter Jackson and Carolynne Cunningham, Producers
• “An Education” Finola Dwyer and Amanda Posey, Producers
• “The Hurt Locker” Kathryn Bigelow, Mark Boal, Nicolas Chartier and Greg Shapiro, Producers
• “Inglourious Basterds” Lawrence Bender, Producer
• “Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire” Lee Daniels, Sarah Siegel-Magness and Gary Magness, Producers
• “A Serious Man” Joel Coen and Ethan Coen, Producers
• “Up” Jonas Rivera, Producer <-------Gooooooo! Underdog!
  
• “Up in the Air” Daniel Dubiecki, Ivan Reitman and Jason Reitman, Producers

Short Film (Animated)

• “French Roast” Fabrice O. Joubert
• “Granny O’Grimm’s Sleeping Beauty” Nicky Phelan and Darragh O’Connell
• “The Lady and the Reaper (La Dama y la Muerte)” Javier Recio Gracia
• “Logorama” Nicolas Schmerkin
• “A Matter of Loaf and Death” Nick Park <---- It sounds good
  

Short Film (Live Action)

• “The Door” Juanita Wilson and James Flynn
• “Instead of Abracadabra” Patrik Eklund and Mathias Fjellström
• “Kavi” Gregg Helvey
• “Miracle Fish” Luke Doolan and Drew Bailey <----- Didn't see any of them
  
• “The New Tenants” Joachim Back and Tivi Magnusson

Sound Editing

• “Avatar” Christopher Boyes and Gwendolyn Yates Whittle
• “The Hurt Locker” Paul N.J. Ottosson <------ KAPOW
  
• “Inglourious Basterds” Wylie Stateman
• “Star Trek” Mark Stoeckinger and Alan Rankin
• “Up” Michael Silvers and Tom Myers

Sound Mixing

• “Avatar” Christopher Boyes, Gary Summers, Andy Nelson and Tony Johnson
• “The Hurt Locker” Paul N.J. Ottosson and Ray Beckett
• “Inglourious Basterds” Michael Minkler, Tony Lamberti and Mark Ulano
• “Star Trek” Anna Behlmer, Andy Nelson and Peter J. Devlin
• “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” Greg P. Russell, Gary Summers and Geoffrey Patterson <----- Lol I made a joke
  

Visual Effects

• “Avatar” Joe Letteri, Stephen Rosenbaum, Richard Baneham and Andrew R. Jones <------- DURH!
  
• “District 9” Dan Kaufman, Peter Muyzers, Robert Habros and Matt Aitken
• “Star Trek” Roger Guyett, Russell Earl, Paul Kavanagh and Burt Dalton

Writing (Adapted Screenplay)

• “District 9” Written by Neill Blomkamp and Terri Tatchell
• “An Education” Screenplay by Nick Hornby
• “In the Loop” Screenplay by Jesse Armstrong, Simon Blackwell, Armando Iannucci, Tony Roche
• “Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire” Screenplay by Geoffrey Fletcher <------
  
• “Up in the Air” Screenplay by Jason Reitman and Sheldon Turner

Writing (Original Screenplay)

• “The Hurt Locker” Written by Mark Boal
• “Inglourious Basterds” Written by Quentin Tarantino
• “The Messenger” Written by Alessandro Camon & Oren Moverman
• “A Serious Man” Written by Joel Coen & Ethan Coen
• “Up” Screenplay by Bob Peterson, Pete Docter, Story by Pete Docter, Bob Peterson, Tom McCarthy <--------

See how I did tonight!

Sexy Saturday Animal edition

Cordelia: (interrupts) Harmony, shut up. Do you know what you are, Harmony? You're a sheep.

Harmony: I'm not a sheep.

Cordelia: You're a sheep. All you ever do is what everyone else does just so you can say you did it first. And here I am, scrambling for your approval, when I'm *way* cooler than you are 'cause I'm *not* a sheep. I do what I wanna do, and I wear what I wanna wear. And you know what? I'll date whoever the hell I wanna date. No matter how lame he is.

This had nothing to do with today's topic but I thought you should see it. Today I am talking about my favorite animals based on type. I would call them sexy, but then I sound enormous zoophillic which is very very unsexy.

Best type of Dog: Puggles
Worst Type of Dog

Best type of cat: Sville
Worst type of cat: Silvester, that asshole always trying to kill tweety

Best type of farm animal: Goat
Worst: Goose

Best bug: Dead one
Worst: Butterflies. Fucking obnoxious

Best American Animal: Racoon
Worst: Southern Baptist (just kidding all of my readers)

Best African Animal: Hippo
Worst: Eddie Murphy

Best fish: Clownfish
Worst: Garr

Best bird: Hummingbird
Worst: Goose

Sorry this blog was so random.

ACT

I mming hate the ACT. But I just registered for it like a few minutes ago after my brother forced me to watch this stoner movie with him. I was not on marijuana so I did not understand what the crap was going on in said movie. My grandparents are here, stepdad's side of course. And um... I have to read a book and write to really crappy analysis essays. Sorry about the short blogs but I am a busy person. At least I am continuing to bog despite my busy schedule of associating with things I don't like very much because I have to.

Grease Callbacks

This is a personal update. I got a callback for grease which went really well and took up all of my time tonight. Shortest blog ever. Bye.

The worst things you can possibly do

Want to learn how to be extremely obnoxious try some of these handy things that truly piss me off. Here are a list of types of people that I cannot stand.

1. The lazy shopper. Leave your shopping cart in the middle of the fecking parking lot. Seriously, if you don't have time to put away your shopping cart DON'T GO TO THE GROCERY STORE. I don't care how many times your hips have been replaced you elderly skanks, push the thing into the cart return or move into a nursing home. Have kids in the car? Do you really want to set such a horrible example for your kids by being a satanic lazy jerk? Ugh.

2. The baby bringer. I understand that you have a baby, and that you want to get out of the house. But bringing your baby to the movies, nice restaurants, live theatre shows and any place that is not Chucky cheese's. Seriously your baby will not appreciate Hamlet, Inglorius Basterds, Japanese Hibachi grills... I know you are trying to figure out something to do with your baby. But when you take it out the only thing I want to do with it is throw it directly into the firs of the hibachi flame. (Figuratively of course, I would actually just cut out it's vocal chords so it wouldn't scream anymore)

3. The food taker. I know I have a lot of food. That does not give you the right to reach into my stack of chips and grab a fecking handful. It's not the fact that you ate some it's the fact that you didn't ask. It makes me want to lick all of my food first and then shove a thousand donuts down your throat.

4. The mock helper. That one guy who "helps" you do something and takes credit but doesn't actually do anything. Like when someone is "helping" wit groceries and they just pass you the bag one by one while standing at the trunk. Seriously motherfather! You ain't helping!

Sorry this blog was shorter but I am going to continue this little game for a while, because I am topic desperate even though I had a theme going...

Another Unacceptabe Topic

Today is the sexual preference day. One of the worst topics to talk about with someone you do not plan on having sex with in the near future. I don't want to go into this in high detail. So I won't. Let's just say I like someone who takes control. Actually I have no idea what I like because I have not had sex.
But to show you how horrible sex conversations can be here are a few I have overheard. *All are completely real*

1. "So have you guys ever tried having sex upside down? Man that was some good stuff right there!"

2. "I used this banana last night and I just like mashed it up and..."

3. "Have you ever put a donut down there so that she..."

4. "I had this dream last night about Mr.******, (a scary teacher)..."

5. "So how about the two of us see if we are lesbians this weekend..."

6. "You were so good..." (Same people as above)

7. "Is it weird to use a Daikon radish to..."

8. "So She and I definitely did it on the pews in the church..."

9. "I prefer someone who is willing to be tied up before..."

10. "Have you ever seen that video about the horse twelve times in a row..."

A horrific topic that I am glad to have ducked out of.

PAYBACK TIME

Look here women, we have heard enough about your lady problems (meaning the period of course), and us men (which we will pretend includes me) are sick of hearing about them. Now you must hear the awkward erection discussion.
A man's junk seems to hat him. Whenever it is most inconvenient the boner strikes and there is no real cure. Sure it signifies sexual attraction, SOMETIMES. But the majority of the time it just means that you are sitting a little too comfortably. Another leading cause of erections is the "Man I sure am glad I don't have a raging boner right now!" thought, which will ALWAYS cause one.
The biggest problem with erections is that no one is sympathetic. If you are having the lady issues, sure your life is a living hell but a least people don't yell "Haha Look she's having her TOM, let's all point it out and giggle!". I mean boners get you laughed at and you can't do anything about it. No one will talk to you respectfully if you are packing wood.
There are of course a few surefire methods of getting rid of them.
1. Ignoring them and focusing on something else
2. thinking of the elderly
3. The third option which is the only one that always works
But You can't use option 3, you can only hope for the best or adjust your pants a little bit. I am going to avoid making anyone too much more uncomfortable, but please just understand that GUYS DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT LADY PROBLEMS, and that men deserve a bit more slack.