Perky DMV employee

Today's blog will be short again. I don't have much on my mind other than my poetry project lately.


For the last two days we have had a really pissed off substitute in US History. She moans about things and yell. My favorite was when someone sneezed and she said "Go to the BAFroom! There be so much disease going around he could kill us all!". It reminded me of the DMV. You know that one lady who just yells at you about how wrong you did everything. I really think they need to work on that. Here is my idea of the perfect DMV employee.

A perky woman of about 24. Blond with an enormous smile. Throw in a voice that sounds like a Yorkshire terrier and you have her.

"Hello drivers! Are you ready for some paperwork WOO HOO!"

"Oh it looks like you are missing some papers, come back tomorrow. Remember HAWAIIAN SHIRT DAY! ALOHA! YAY!"

"Looks like Mr. Chevel has all his papers in order. Come on Everybody say Good Job Mr. Chevel! GOOD JOB MR.CHEVEL. Here fill out this form and someone will see you within the next three hours."

"Hey Steven did you pass the permit test? You did! Let's hear it for Steven! DOGPOUND HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO!"

"Bridget just got herself a license you know the license song everybody
"Well somebody just got their license,
Looks like another car is on the road.
So give her words of encouragement
Before she hits your car and you explode!"

"Oh You want to renew your license! Well it looks like it's time for the rejection song
'So sorry
crappy driver
But you can't get a new license today
Don't be angry
Safety reasons
You've killed enough household pets already!"

"Oh it's picture time! You know what this means TOTAL MAKEOVER
'You're ugly but I'll give you
One big helping hand
We'll make you look sexy
Just stay right where you stand
Cover her in make up
Make her look real purty
Give her a spray tan so dark
She'll get stopped by security.
Put her is sexy clothes
Force her to make a smile
When they see her license
Boys will line up in a file'
CLICK! You still look like crap"

That's just my view of the perfect DMV employee.
Thanks,
Robert

Pasta Salad

Well I had a bad day. I cried for thirty minutes because I was lonely and because of a particular instance. The instance being of an asshole saying "I have to sit in front of that guy with a hundred who'm I hate!" Now if I was my normal self I would have said "Oh no hard fellings eh? I mean in twenty years if someone needs a six dollar blowjob I will be happy to direct them to your dark alley." But I didn't. I'm so concerned with appearing to be normal and proper I'm not who I'm supposed to be.

That was why I cried because I felt like people were forcing me to be normal but really it's my own fault. So I spent the rest of the day doing whatever I felt like. I danced a lot because it makes me feel good. I took Pasta Salad into the park to eat in a tuberware container. And I ate three popsicles while upside down.

I also decided that tomorrow I will be happy, make friends, and generally enjoy life instead of being normal boring Robert. YAY HAPPINESS.