Short blog.

This will be the last love themed blog for a long while anyway, unless I like fall in love tommorow or something because I think everyone including me is getting sick of them. This blog will be short because my parents love me and I must go to a church even if it is not the one they go to because God will heal my life and make everything better. His method of doing this is strange, it seems to involve synchronized singing badly, putting on ugly clothes under the pretense that they are nice, and waking up ridiculously early. Today will just be about some interesting things about love and relationships, which I will comment on using some humorous explanations.

Fisrt thing I would like to say: Did you know that being in love actually releases a chemical similar to amphetamines? That's right love is crystal meth. That's probably why all meth addicts are trailer park dwellers with no friends, family, or cats. Because when you are in love you get all the fun times of drugs, without looking like you can't spell the word dentist.

Ain't ya spell that D-N-T-47?

A lot of people know that the longest time any two people have ever been in a relationship for is recorded to be 85 years of marriage? Did you know this is also the longest recorded time that a human has not had sex? All the virgins die before 84 from meth amphetamine related accidents. The shortest recorded relationship lasted for .0000012 seconds when man asked a girl out and received a yes at the exact moment the woman was eviscerated by a passerby. *BS ALERT*

Paraphilia is sexual attraction to strange things. In order to qualify as a paraphilia, the perversion has to be recored in only a very small number of people. I am going to list some of my favorites:
Pyrophilia: Sexual attraction to fire. This is possible impractical perversion I can possibly imagine.
Ursusagalmatophilia. Sexual attraction to stuffed animals. This perversion is present in all teenage boys as when they see stuffed animals they feel the need to set up elaborate sex scenes and video tape them.
Nasophilia- Attraction to noses. The bigger the better.
Dendrophillia- Attraction to trees. A haiku
Sexytime splinters
Skiddillydoo porcupine.
OW! My effing junk


I don't want to end on a sexual note so let me go with Shakespearean one.

Did you know that Shakespeare's most famous love sonnet was written to a man? Yes. "Shall I Compare Thee to a Summer's Day?" was written for the Earl of South Hampton. While Shakespeare would seem, through his sonnets, to fall in love with this man, he eventually gives up on a relationship with him because he wants the Earl to have some babies.
Later Shakespeare would go on to fall in love with the dark lady to whom he wrote several of his most popular love sonnets to.

Hmm I still feel like I need to say something to wrap this up so I am going to go for a personal note.
I've never fallen in love because I haven't had the opportunity. Maybe one day soon an opportunity will knock, but I am past the days where I will whine because I do not have anyone in my life. (At least until the next five days on and before Valentines day). I am above posting chain messages saying that I will get a kiss this Valentines day.

Don't read this, it really works
1. Say your name five times.
2. Say your crushes name five times.
3. spin around seven times while saying "Love is Everywhere"
4. Post this to your blog or send to five people in the next hour and your crush will ask you out on Valentines day. If you don't you will be chained up in a public bathroom and whipped and raped by leather clad insane lesbians until you are unable to have children.

Or attending a certain church just because someone I like goes there. *cough* *cough*. Well if I have to go to one I might as well go to one with benefits right?

Or sending myself a rose...

Or blogging about love for a week just to whine about my frustrations with my life.

Yeah I'm perfectly well adjusted!