Boxers or briefs?

Supremely Awkward Sundays
Today I am going to talk about men's underwear because I don't feel like acknowledging that I probably should be talking about football because I really don't care. Most of my readers are girls and they simply do not understand the ultimate question every man must answer?
Boxers, Briefs, or Boxer Briefs. Or thongs. or tights. Or nude underneath. Yes I am talking about all of those today so my female readers understand the difficulty of the choice. I happen to be an underwear expert.
When you choose underwear as a guy you must consider the one thing that women do not understand. I really don't think I should say it's proper name on thing blog so I will just call it by pet names this entire time. There are three main deciding factors for the underwear choice.
1.Sex appeal. Let's face it, underwear is just a blindfold to sexytime. But whoever the guy is having sex with will appreciate sexy underwear. If the rod of love is displayed beautifully in his casing then the underwear has definate good qualities. People who don't have good junk to display should probably go with less sexy underwear.
2. Comfort. Comfort is directly related to control. Boxers are the most comfortable underwear because they are very roomy, but they don't have any control personally I prefer more...
3. Control. The little friend like to dance around sometimes which is very uncomfortable. If the underwear is too loose everyone will know when Thunderstick is ready to strike. Tighter underwear is better for social situations and also prevents any movement.
4.Health. If a guy is trying to have kids he needs to wear something looser. Don't make me explain this. (This is not a real category, but it is something to consider)

So now lets review the underwear types.

Boxers
Sex Appeal: Low. While Boxers are the main choice of guys, this choice does very little in the way of sexiness. It does however, help avoid locker room laughs. As jocks are assholes and boxer fundamentalists.
Comfort: Decent. If the material is good they feel great. Unless Mr. Incredible gets dancey. Then they suck.
Control: Crappy. If Oscar Meyer gets happy he not be held back. If the barn doors are open the animals will escape, if you catch my drift.
Notes: Good for urinals. Then again urinals are not good for anything but getting stared at by creepy old men.


Briefs
Sex appeal: Potentially high. Good for showing off. but tighty wighties do not bring smiles to anyone. If you have a nice colored brief or a square leg brief then you are doing alright in this department.
Comfort: Depends. A snug feel is either liked or disliked. Personally I think it feels good to have everything held behind.
Control: The second best. The cheeky money wont pop up to say hello in these babies. This actually feels sort of nice to me. But let move on.


Boxerbriefs
Sex appeal. Higher that boxers lower than briefs
Comfort. Good. These will keep the giving tree in the ground but won't hold him in a tight embrace. These are the middle ground
Control: Good. These don't restrain him too much but they hold him back enough to keep him hidden and let him go a bit. This blog is soooo innapropriate

Thongs
Sex Appeal: High. But only if you are in a leather daddy bar.
Comfort: None to speak of. DO NOT ASK ME HOW I KNOW THIS I JUST FREAKING DO.
Control: Too much.

Nothing
Sex appeal: Unknown. It shows that you are just ready for action whenever
Comfort: Depends. If it's like jeans none, but dress pants aren't that bad. But you kind of start to rub a bit
Control: The most ever. If you believed that you are stupid.

So that was the most awkward thing ever. Personally I love a tight boxerbrief. That would look a bit like this. I love American apparel's underwear because the fabric is awesomeness. And there are lots of colors.
That was also the gayest blog I've ever made. Meaning like wanting to have sex with one of the models gay. God I hope this blog doesn't become popular overnight and my grandmother reads this. CAROLINE I AM WATCHING YOU!