The next three days I will be talking about Valentines related things, or as I prefer to call it, Singles Awareness Day
Twelve Perks of being single of Valentines day (or anytime)*sarcasm alert*
1. You never have to talk on the phone for seven hours trying to sound like you are not bored. Honestly I don't want to discuss plans for a relationship when I could be on Facebook desperately trying to find a friend.
2. You don't have to worry about buying the person presents. You can spend the money on self help books like Everyone Has Someone.
3. You can gaze at anyone's beauty you want to, then you can fail to have the enthusiasm to give yourself the joy of a fantasy.
4. You can hang out with your friends if you want to! You can all talk about how awesome it is to be together as friends and not as a healthy romantic couple.
5. You can listen to songs like "Imperfect is the New Perfect" or "Soar" and not feel like a loser, because those songs were probably legit written about you. You can sing along about how you are unappreciated and beautiful.
6. You can focus on school activities. You can have a 4.0 while all those people in relationships are... enjoying their lives! Screw them, you will succeed.
7. You can totally find your own reason to be happy, instead of relying on a person to bring you happiness. You can take up a hobby like singing (about how lonely you are), dancing (on a pole hoping someone will slip some cash into your underwear so you can feel appreciated), writing (depressing poetry) and drawing (tears on your face, in your leg blood).
8. You don't have to worry about STDs or Pregnancy or kissing or having a moment of pure bliss.
9. You don't have to go see crappy romantic comedies with someone. You can watch them alone.
10. You don't have gain weight by eating all those cheap chocolates. You can not eat anything and work out in hopes that you will be skinny enough to be loved.
11. You can worry if another person feels for you and have your heart crushed. And you can make those little sweet hearts candies. And give them all to yourself!
12. You can put your hands up when someone says ALL THE SINGLE LADIES, NOW PUT YOUR HANDS UP.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Thursday, February 11, 2010
I am completely BSing this entire thins
Let's make one thing clear, I have the same amount qualification to talk about love that a seven year old Kenyan AIDS orphan has when they talk about... enjoyment of life. You know those Kenyans so fast that they win every race, except you know the human race because they're all poor and diseased. And will probably die screaming for God to have mercy on their starving souls.
That was altogether inappropriate. I am deeply, deeply sorry. But today I don't feel like using euphemisms. Honestly, sometimes you just want to say "she was wasted and this guy boinked her" instead of "he took advantage of her".
But anyway today's topic... Teenage Romance.
Ta ta oh ma God
Ben din Ti ne ski irts
Gi Na is in vew ew ew
Boner in my pants!
Todays topic is a little more serious or should I say Thuriouth Thurthday. (Please note I know absolutely nothing about these topics)
Commonly asked questions about teenage romance.
Do teenagers experience love or is it just lust?
This really depends on the person. But let me tell you a large number of teenage relationships start on a lustful impulse. All high school relationships begin with the guy getting a boner and then acting on that boner. He may go about this in the appropriate way and ask her out and spend time with her and eventually fall in love with her. If the guy however goes out with one of those skankanistas in the pom squad then he is just lusting. When a guy just bones the girl a couple of times, it's lust. If the guy goes on a few dates with the girl it is lust until proven love.
Girls typically begin relationships from a combination of a crush and a lust. And it develops from there.
Robert on the other hand begins relationships by crying and hiding in the corner of his room. Because he does not begin relationships. He ends them by looking at the face of the person he likes and seeing a no.
I have been dating this guy/girl for a long time when are we ready to have sex?
First of all I think you should wait until you are sure of their gender, if you don't know that you might be in for a problem when you start the sex. Next you should talk about it. If you feel like you're ready you should discuss it and use protection. USE PROTECTION. Honestly. Don't listen to the Catholic church. Abstinence makes the church grow fondlers. Just have enjoyable sex. It's not the most important thing in the world it's part of being a human. But it is dangerous and you should consider the risks and how ready you are to take those risks.
I feel attracted to someone and I think they like me? What do I do?
Walk up to the person you like and talk to them about something you have in common. If you don't know the person well enough to know what you have in common, then they don't like you back. At least not yet. Just find some reason to talk to the person other than love. When the person knows you exist everything is much easier .
Where is a good first ate location?
Go to a zoo or an aquarium. Anywhere but the movies. The movies ruins your ability to bond. Go bowling for all I care, just go somewhere where you can talk.
Our relationship is going sour. How can I break up with them and be a complete asshole about it?
10. Txt message them
9. Never talk to them again. Go start dating someone else. Gather all pictures of them and their possessions. Set them inside a box with dog poop and set it on fire on their doorstep.
8. Leave a trail of roses outside their house have them lead to a big poster board that says "I'm breaking up with you"
7. Tell them to get a tattoo of you, then when they are getting the tattoo tell the artist to write "(your name) just broke up with me permanently"
6. Kill their dog and carve the words " Let's stay friends" into the corpse.
5. Go to a sports game and tell them to put it up on the big board "Katherine will you break up with me?"
4. Go up in a hot air balloon and break up in the sky
3. 6 but with their grandmother
2. Wake them up and serenade/break up with them.
1. Kneel down and pull out a ring box. Inside place a small note that says "I'm breaking up with you."
That was altogether inappropriate. I am deeply, deeply sorry. But today I don't feel like using euphemisms. Honestly, sometimes you just want to say "she was wasted and this guy boinked her" instead of "he took advantage of her".
But anyway today's topic... Teenage Romance.
Ta ta oh ma God
Ben din Ti ne ski irts
Gi Na is in vew ew ew
Boner in my pants!
Todays topic is a little more serious or should I say Thuriouth Thurthday. (Please note I know absolutely nothing about these topics)
Commonly asked questions about teenage romance.
Do teenagers experience love or is it just lust?
This really depends on the person. But let me tell you a large number of teenage relationships start on a lustful impulse. All high school relationships begin with the guy getting a boner and then acting on that boner. He may go about this in the appropriate way and ask her out and spend time with her and eventually fall in love with her. If the guy however goes out with one of those skankanistas in the pom squad then he is just lusting. When a guy just bones the girl a couple of times, it's lust. If the guy goes on a few dates with the girl it is lust until proven love.
Girls typically begin relationships from a combination of a crush and a lust. And it develops from there.
Robert on the other hand begins relationships by crying and hiding in the corner of his room. Because he does not begin relationships. He ends them by looking at the face of the person he likes and seeing a no.
I have been dating this guy/girl for a long time when are we ready to have sex?
First of all I think you should wait until you are sure of their gender, if you don't know that you might be in for a problem when you start the sex. Next you should talk about it. If you feel like you're ready you should discuss it and use protection. USE PROTECTION. Honestly. Don't listen to the Catholic church. Abstinence makes the church grow fondlers. Just have enjoyable sex. It's not the most important thing in the world it's part of being a human. But it is dangerous and you should consider the risks and how ready you are to take those risks.
I feel attracted to someone and I think they like me? What do I do?
Walk up to the person you like and talk to them about something you have in common. If you don't know the person well enough to know what you have in common, then they don't like you back. At least not yet. Just find some reason to talk to the person other than love. When the person knows you exist everything is much easier .
Where is a good first ate location?
Go to a zoo or an aquarium. Anywhere but the movies. The movies ruins your ability to bond. Go bowling for all I care, just go somewhere where you can talk.
Our relationship is going sour. How can I break up with them and be a complete asshole about it?
10. Txt message them
9. Never talk to them again. Go start dating someone else. Gather all pictures of them and their possessions. Set them inside a box with dog poop and set it on fire on their doorstep.
8. Leave a trail of roses outside their house have them lead to a big poster board that says "I'm breaking up with you"
7. Tell them to get a tattoo of you, then when they are getting the tattoo tell the artist to write "(your name) just broke up with me permanently"
6. Kill their dog and carve the words " Let's stay friends" into the corpse.
5. Go to a sports game and tell them to put it up on the big board "Katherine will you break up with me?"
4. Go up in a hot air balloon and break up in the sky
3. 6 but with their grandmother
2. Wake them up and serenade/break up with them.
1. Kneel down and pull out a ring box. Inside place a small note that says "I'm breaking up with you."
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
This would happen to me
I know I said this was love week but shut your fecking face, I have a story to tell.
So I went up to my bonus room today, watched a little Pushing Daisies, yeah, it's awesome. I decided to go get a drink because I was thirsty. When I got to the door it didn't open. I tried it again. It still didn't open. I tried it for the next fifteen minutes screaming about how bad my life was and yelling for the cat or dog.
I immediately thought to slip something into the door to open it. That failed.
Then I realized we had the attic just next to the door, and I had the internet on the PS3. I looked up how to unhinge a door, THANK YOU eHow! And then realized that I needed a hammer and a screw driver like object. I found and tested several screwlike objects. I couldn't describe most of them. It had been at least thirty minutes now. But they were all wrong for different reasons. Then I found a Chinese sword. Of course I find a sword in my attic. I try to use this to wedge in between the the door. Then I started to slash at the door until I realized the sword was oiled so it couldn't cut anything, and that the door was, in fact, not a dragon.
So I return to the attic and eventually find a screwdriver. Where was it? Inside the ukulele Not under, not behind INSIDE the ukulele. The whole last place you expect thing was really starting to mean something to me. WHO THE CRAP PUTS A SCREWDRIVER INSIDE OF A UKULELE? I found a weird looking sledgehammer in a box... LABELED WINTER CLOTHES.
Then I took the door off it's hinges after battling a dragon and searching my attic like I was the fecking FBI. Went downstairs to get my drink. I grab a glass put it up to the ice machine... AND THE FRIDGE IS OUT OF FECKING POWER.
Then I got in the mood for more adventure. I missed the old days when stuff like this happened to me all the time so I went to the park with my dog Chance. Actually I am about to right now. Never ending story eh?
Actually it did end. I saw pot smoker in the park who may or may not have been Hate Crew members. And who may or may not have tried to get me to come over to them. Probably to sell me drugs, or mug me or gang rape me (Wouldn't it be ironic to loose my virginity the day after that blog?). I think I should have brought my new sword and killed me some Hate Crew guys. : D
I promised to have lists in every blog. Or at least I think I did. So here is today's list
Things I don't feel like doing today
1. Making a list.
2. Talking about love
So I went up to my bonus room today, watched a little Pushing Daisies, yeah, it's awesome. I decided to go get a drink because I was thirsty. When I got to the door it didn't open. I tried it again. It still didn't open. I tried it for the next fifteen minutes screaming about how bad my life was and yelling for the cat or dog.
I immediately thought to slip something into the door to open it. That failed.
Then I realized we had the attic just next to the door, and I had the internet on the PS3. I looked up how to unhinge a door, THANK YOU eHow! And then realized that I needed a hammer and a screw driver like object. I found and tested several screwlike objects. I couldn't describe most of them. It had been at least thirty minutes now. But they were all wrong for different reasons. Then I found a Chinese sword. Of course I find a sword in my attic. I try to use this to wedge in between the the door. Then I started to slash at the door until I realized the sword was oiled so it couldn't cut anything, and that the door was, in fact, not a dragon.
So I return to the attic and eventually find a screwdriver. Where was it? Inside the ukulele Not under, not behind INSIDE the ukulele. The whole last place you expect thing was really starting to mean something to me. WHO THE CRAP PUTS A SCREWDRIVER INSIDE OF A UKULELE? I found a weird looking sledgehammer in a box... LABELED WINTER CLOTHES.
Then I took the door off it's hinges after battling a dragon and searching my attic like I was the fecking FBI. Went downstairs to get my drink. I grab a glass put it up to the ice machine... AND THE FRIDGE IS OUT OF FECKING POWER.
Then I got in the mood for more adventure. I missed the old days when stuff like this happened to me all the time so I went to the park with my dog Chance. Actually I am about to right now. Never ending story eh?
Actually it did end. I saw pot smoker in the park who may or may not have been Hate Crew members. And who may or may not have tried to get me to come over to them. Probably to sell me drugs, or mug me or gang rape me (Wouldn't it be ironic to loose my virginity the day after that blog?). I think I should have brought my new sword and killed me some Hate Crew guys. : D
I promised to have lists in every blog. Or at least I think I did. So here is today's list
Things I don't feel like doing today
1. Making a list.
2. Talking about love
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Virginity.
Virginty. I happen to be a virgin and this is not entirely due to the fact that I do not have any good qualities in terms of looks. Only 75% of it is due to this fact. I happen to be saving myself for love.
For love? You may ask. Why not for marriage?
Because marriage is not for everyone and definitely not for me. You have to like... live with someone else that isn't a cat, dog, ferret, ball python, betta fish, capybara, and African Grey Parrot and mystical mermaid goat (my dreams are realistic). So I am going to save myself for love.
Basically this means I am not just in it to play around. I would actually want it to be a relationship that has lasted for longer than four months and I love the other person. Even then I would want to have fun in other ways before there is any contact with the special power. I think that is a reasonable goal. Saving yourself for marriage is not realistic. Face it, love is about sex. You don't love a person unless you, on an internal level want to have sex with them. But mutual love should be the litmus test. Jew know? Of course Jew knows, as Jews are notoriously often telepathic.
I encourage you not be a skank/ho/whore/jizz basket/easy girl/hussy/street walker/pavement princess/slut/llama mama. You aint no railroad, don't get laid just cuz you paid. And use safe sex unless you want children.
12 Antislut/ safe sex sayings or advice
1. Pet your dog not your date. (this could have very scary alternate meanings)
2. Score on the field not on your girl
3. If you give a guy a blowjob before you love him your lips will turn black and crowd of your elderly relatives will follow you around crying the loss of your soul to satan.
4. If he hasn't put a ring on it, make him put a thing on it.
5. Don't let him tap anything but the floor ... with his tap shoes... in order to impress you for his love.
6. (For guys) If you don't love anyone. Just fecking feck your pillow or like tame the lizard.
7. SEX - LOVE = DECAPITATION
8. Let's do some more math: Sex isn't addition, IT'S MULTIPLICATION. (Unless you are gay.) So the equation is (Boy)(Girl) = 3. Condoms and birth control pills are worth 1/3. Yeah pwned.
9. For Gay guys. Even if there is no chance for the very worst STD. Make sure you at least care about the guy. Hmm saying... saying. Don't take it up you rear, until you love him dear.
10. For lesbian. How does your sex even work? Until you can work out your love, you can't work out the serious confusion that is how you are going to have sex.
11. If they want your part
they gotta want your heart
Make'm love ya for you
And not for your skiddlydoo. ( that is sooo my new word for sex organs
12. (rap this out how you feel)
Want This? A rap by Robert Naylor
He say he want this, He say he want this
He wanna introduce himself to my Beatrice
But he don't love me, he wanna slice my muffin
But till he love me for me he ain't getting nothin'
Ya don't want romance, ya wanna play sex
And You don't even wanna play it with a latex
Do you just think it's in and out superfly
Sometimes one times one can multiply
To three, four, five, even eight
So either take out on a nice date
Chat me up, compare and contrast
See if our love can ever last
Wait a while before we start to touch things
Wait until ya tuggin on my heartstrings
And if that's too much for your plate
Well I hope you like to masturbate.
UGH YEAH!
For love? You may ask. Why not for marriage?
Because marriage is not for everyone and definitely not for me. You have to like... live with someone else that isn't a cat, dog, ferret, ball python, betta fish, capybara, and African Grey Parrot and mystical mermaid goat (my dreams are realistic). So I am going to save myself for love.
Basically this means I am not just in it to play around. I would actually want it to be a relationship that has lasted for longer than four months and I love the other person. Even then I would want to have fun in other ways before there is any contact with the special power. I think that is a reasonable goal. Saving yourself for marriage is not realistic. Face it, love is about sex. You don't love a person unless you, on an internal level want to have sex with them. But mutual love should be the litmus test. Jew know? Of course Jew knows, as Jews are notoriously often telepathic.
I encourage you not be a skank/ho/whore/jizz basket/easy girl/hussy/street walker/pavement princess/slut/llama mama. You aint no railroad, don't get laid just cuz you paid. And use safe sex unless you want children.
12 Antislut/ safe sex sayings or advice
1. Pet your dog not your date. (this could have very scary alternate meanings)
2. Score on the field not on your girl
3. If you give a guy a blowjob before you love him your lips will turn black and crowd of your elderly relatives will follow you around crying the loss of your soul to satan.
4. If he hasn't put a ring on it, make him put a thing on it.
5. Don't let him tap anything but the floor ... with his tap shoes... in order to impress you for his love.
6. (For guys) If you don't love anyone. Just fecking feck your pillow or like tame the lizard.
7. SEX - LOVE = DECAPITATION
8. Let's do some more math: Sex isn't addition, IT'S MULTIPLICATION. (Unless you are gay.) So the equation is (Boy)(Girl) = 3. Condoms and birth control pills are worth 1/3. Yeah pwned.
9. For Gay guys. Even if there is no chance for the very worst STD. Make sure you at least care about the guy. Hmm saying... saying. Don't take it up you rear, until you love him dear.
10. For lesbian. How does your sex even work? Until you can work out your love, you can't work out the serious confusion that is how you are going to have sex.
11. If they want your part
they gotta want your heart
Make'm love ya for you
And not for your skiddlydoo. ( that is sooo my new word for sex organs
12. (rap this out how you feel)
Want This? A rap by Robert Naylor
He say he want this, He say he want this
He wanna introduce himself to my Beatrice
But he don't love me, he wanna slice my muffin
But till he love me for me he ain't getting nothin'
Ya don't want romance, ya wanna play sex
And You don't even wanna play it with a latex
Do you just think it's in and out superfly
Sometimes one times one can multiply
To three, four, five, even eight
So either take out on a nice date
Chat me up, compare and contrast
See if our love can ever last
Wait a while before we start to touch things
Wait until ya tuggin on my heartstrings
And if that's too much for your plate
Well I hope you like to masturbate.
UGH YEAH!
Monday, February 8, 2010
The week if love
This week I am going with a love theme. Because it is Valentines day week. Today is love note day.
10 entirely ineffective love notes
1.
Do you like me? Circle
Yes No
From your Secret Admirer
2.
You know I happen to have a male sex part
And you happen to have a female sex part
The sex drive of teenagers is high
Let's get jugy with it baby,
And make a baby
Baby, Baby
3.
Sometimes i dream about you wrapped in leather bondings as I fill your craving for a large piece of man inside you. And you are like ripping your joints because you are this human pretzel of leather and stuff
4.
This isn't the only mail I'm sticking in your box this Valentines day.
5.
You know I like you a lot and I think you have a nice body.
6. Your lips are like the petals of roses
That tickles the scenting of noses
The way they part
Lights up my heart
And can you just fecking wrap them around my penis now.
7.
I love you more than I love my other sexual partners
8.
Yo Shaquaqua. You so fine you like you fucking Shawty or summn cuz you like a melody in my head and I gun to my holster and a toaster that puts out and a ho to put mah soldier boy inside of.
9.
FUCK ME OOOH BABY. IMA MAKE SEX EXPLOSION INSIDE YOU
10.
ILY
Sorry this blog wasn't very good.
Imagine an asian singing the Lollipop song.
Rorrypop Rorrypop ooh Rorry rorry Rorrypop Rorrypop ooh Rorry Rorry Rorry Rorry pop Buh buh bum bump.
Consider your day made.
10 entirely ineffective love notes
1.
Do you like me? Circle
Yes No
From your Secret Admirer
2.
You know I happen to have a male sex part
And you happen to have a female sex part
The sex drive of teenagers is high
Let's get jugy with it baby,
And make a baby
Baby, Baby
3.
Sometimes i dream about you wrapped in leather bondings as I fill your craving for a large piece of man inside you. And you are like ripping your joints because you are this human pretzel of leather and stuff
4.
This isn't the only mail I'm sticking in your box this Valentines day.
5.
You know I like you a lot and I think you have a nice body.
6. Your lips are like the petals of roses
That tickles the scenting of noses
The way they part
Lights up my heart
And can you just fecking wrap them around my penis now.
7.
I love you more than I love my other sexual partners
8.
Yo Shaquaqua. You so fine you like you fucking Shawty or summn cuz you like a melody in my head and I gun to my holster and a toaster that puts out and a ho to put mah soldier boy inside of.
9.
FUCK ME OOOH BABY. IMA MAKE SEX EXPLOSION INSIDE YOU
10.
ILY
Sorry this blog wasn't very good.
Imagine an asian singing the Lollipop song.
Rorrypop Rorrypop ooh Rorry rorry Rorrypop Rorrypop ooh Rorry Rorry Rorry Rorry pop Buh buh bum bump.
Consider your day made.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Boxers or briefs?
Supremely Awkward Sundays
Today I am going to talk about men's underwear because I don't feel like acknowledging that I probably should be talking about football because I really don't care. Most of my readers are girls and they simply do not understand the ultimate question every man must answer?
Boxers, Briefs, or Boxer Briefs. Or thongs. or tights. Or nude underneath. Yes I am talking about all of those today so my female readers understand the difficulty of the choice. I happen to be an underwear expert.
When you choose underwear as a guy you must consider the one thing that women do not understand. I really don't think I should say it's proper name on thing blog so I will just call it by pet names this entire time. There are three main deciding factors for the underwear choice.
1.Sex appeal. Let's face it, underwear is just a blindfold to sexytime. But whoever the guy is having sex with will appreciate sexy underwear. If the rod of love is displayed beautifully in his casing then the underwear has definate good qualities. People who don't have good junk to display should probably go with less sexy underwear.
2. Comfort. Comfort is directly related to control. Boxers are the most comfortable underwear because they are very roomy, but they don't have any control personally I prefer more...
3. Control. The little friend like to dance around sometimes which is very uncomfortable. If the underwear is too loose everyone will know when Thunderstick is ready to strike. Tighter underwear is better for social situations and also prevents any movement.
4.Health. If a guy is trying to have kids he needs to wear something looser. Don't make me explain this. (This is not a real category, but it is something to consider)
So now lets review the underwear types.
Boxers
Sex Appeal: Low. While Boxers are the main choice of guys, this choice does very little in the way of sexiness. It does however, help avoid locker room laughs. As jocks are assholes and boxer fundamentalists.
Comfort: Decent. If the material is good they feel great. Unless Mr. Incredible gets dancey. Then they suck.
Control: Crappy. If Oscar Meyer gets happy he not be held back. If the barn doors are open the animals will escape, if you catch my drift.
Notes: Good for urinals. Then again urinals are not good for anything but getting stared at by creepy old men.
Briefs
Sex appeal: Potentially high. Good for showing off. but tighty wighties do not bring smiles to anyone. If you have a nice colored brief or a square leg brief then you are doing alright in this department.
Comfort: Depends. A snug feel is either liked or disliked. Personally I think it feels good to have everything held behind.
Control: The second best. The cheeky money wont pop up to say hello in these babies. This actually feels sort of nice to me. But let move on.
Boxerbriefs
Sex appeal. Higher that boxers lower than briefs
Comfort. Good. These will keep the giving tree in the ground but won't hold him in a tight embrace. These are the middle ground
Control: Good. These don't restrain him too much but they hold him back enough to keep him hidden and let him go a bit. This blog is soooo innapropriate
Thongs
Sex Appeal: High. But only if you are in a leather daddy bar.
Comfort: None to speak of. DO NOT ASK ME HOW I KNOW THIS I JUST FREAKING DO.
Control: Too much.
Nothing
Sex appeal: Unknown. It shows that you are just ready for action whenever
Comfort: Depends. If it's like jeans none, but dress pants aren't that bad. But you kind of start to rub a bit
Control: The most ever. If you believed that you are stupid.
So that was the most awkward thing ever. Personally I love a tight boxerbrief. That would look a bit like this. I love American apparel's underwear because the fabric is awesomeness. And there are lots of colors.
That was also the gayest blog I've ever made. Meaning like wanting to have sex with one of the models gay. God I hope this blog doesn't become popular overnight and my grandmother reads this. CAROLINE I AM WATCHING YOU!
Today I am going to talk about men's underwear because I don't feel like acknowledging that I probably should be talking about football because I really don't care. Most of my readers are girls and they simply do not understand the ultimate question every man must answer?
Boxers, Briefs, or Boxer Briefs. Or thongs. or tights. Or nude underneath. Yes I am talking about all of those today so my female readers understand the difficulty of the choice. I happen to be an underwear expert.
When you choose underwear as a guy you must consider the one thing that women do not understand. I really don't think I should say it's proper name on thing blog so I will just call it by pet names this entire time. There are three main deciding factors for the underwear choice.
1.Sex appeal. Let's face it, underwear is just a blindfold to sexytime. But whoever the guy is having sex with will appreciate sexy underwear. If the rod of love is displayed beautifully in his casing then the underwear has definate good qualities. People who don't have good junk to display should probably go with less sexy underwear.
2. Comfort. Comfort is directly related to control. Boxers are the most comfortable underwear because they are very roomy, but they don't have any control personally I prefer more...
3. Control. The little friend like to dance around sometimes which is very uncomfortable. If the underwear is too loose everyone will know when Thunderstick is ready to strike. Tighter underwear is better for social situations and also prevents any movement.
4.Health. If a guy is trying to have kids he needs to wear something looser. Don't make me explain this. (This is not a real category, but it is something to consider)
So now lets review the underwear types.
Boxers
Sex Appeal: Low. While Boxers are the main choice of guys, this choice does very little in the way of sexiness. It does however, help avoid locker room laughs. As jocks are assholes and boxer fundamentalists.
Comfort: Decent. If the material is good they feel great. Unless Mr. Incredible gets dancey. Then they suck.
Control: Crappy. If Oscar Meyer gets happy he not be held back. If the barn doors are open the animals will escape, if you catch my drift.
Notes: Good for urinals. Then again urinals are not good for anything but getting stared at by creepy old men.
Briefs
Sex appeal: Potentially high. Good for showing off. but tighty wighties do not bring smiles to anyone. If you have a nice colored brief or a square leg brief then you are doing alright in this department.
Comfort: Depends. A snug feel is either liked or disliked. Personally I think it feels good to have everything held behind.
Control: The second best. The cheeky money wont pop up to say hello in these babies. This actually feels sort of nice to me. But let move on.
Boxerbriefs
Sex appeal. Higher that boxers lower than briefs
Comfort. Good. These will keep the giving tree in the ground but won't hold him in a tight embrace. These are the middle ground
Control: Good. These don't restrain him too much but they hold him back enough to keep him hidden and let him go a bit. This blog is soooo innapropriate
Thongs
Sex Appeal: High. But only if you are in a leather daddy bar.
Comfort: None to speak of. DO NOT ASK ME HOW I KNOW THIS I JUST FREAKING DO.
Control: Too much.
Nothing
Sex appeal: Unknown. It shows that you are just ready for action whenever
Comfort: Depends. If it's like jeans none, but dress pants aren't that bad. But you kind of start to rub a bit
Control: The most ever. If you believed that you are stupid.
So that was the most awkward thing ever. Personally I love a tight boxerbrief. That would look a bit like this. I love American apparel's underwear because the fabric is awesomeness. And there are lots of colors.
That was also the gayest blog I've ever made. Meaning like wanting to have sex with one of the models gay. God I hope this blog doesn't become popular overnight and my grandmother reads this. CAROLINE I AM WATCHING YOU!
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Sexy Saturday: Music edition
That's right every saturady there will be a special edition where I share things that I like to everyone so they can steal my personal style.
Let's begin. Because I suck at transitions.
SEXY SATURDAY!!! WOOO-OOOOO-OOOOOOOOOOO-SHOODA BOP BOP
Music Edition
I am going to start by saying I love weird music. If you Don't like my taste in music you are probably normal. I do like a lot of popular things too though I will have a section for that today. But I'll shut up and begin with category 1.
6 Songs I can't stop listening to that you may not have heard of:
6 Get Crazy, LMFAO
This song is about flashing boobs. No joke. Actual subject of the songs. But it is just about the most catchy thing I have ever heard. It is dance worthy, and hilarious and I coulsn't really ask for more.
5 I've Got Nothing, Chartjackers.
I may be a little biased because I was involved in helping make this song. But it is currently my ring tone. The fact that it is a cheesy love song makes it even better.
4 Beautiful, Dirty, Rich, Lady Gaga.
I don't know if this is fair to put in the song you haven't heard of since Lady Gaga is such a phenomenal hit. But this song is much less heard of than some of her more popular works. Personally, I think this one is my favorite.
3 Come Around, MIA
While I hate that Timberland is in this song, MIA's part of the song is good enough to earn a spot on this list. The songs sheer catchyness is the driving force of the song. I especially love the random mumbling.
2 Straight Outta Compton, Nina Gordon
This is an amazing concept. A rap song sung with a beautiful woman's voice. It works and it's hilarious. Hearing the phrase "cuz ice cube is crazy as fuck" sung with Nina Gordon's voice is priceless
1 My Hands, Leona Lewis
This song is just beautiful. It's been out for a while but You probably haven't heard it. (Unless you stalk the FFXIII website like I do. It's like number seven on my "To Stalk" list)
******
When I made this list I totally forgot to add "Hands Down" by Dashboard Confessional. And when I continue through this week I might add a sexy stuff section at the bottom of every post just in case I want to talk about more songs or something else.
Now lets examine the most popular artist right now (cough cough I looked at iTunes and listened to the top 50 cough) to judge their abilities.
Ke$ha
I already blogged about this. Completely shitty artist. But Blah Blah Blah has 3OH3! in it so that one isn't quite as awful
Lady Gaga
Totally fucking amazing. I would cut off my leg to see Lady Gaga in concert. Her music is ingenious and extremely fun to listen too. Dance value, musical value, everything is wonderful.
Black Eyed Peas
Good. Ignore the hype for I Gotta Feeling, Listening to that song is like listening to a woman giving birth to a rhino, because it is bad . Boom Boom Pow, Meet Me Halfway, and Imma be are wonderful
Lady Antebellum
If you have a slight taste in country, you will probably like her. She has a good voice at least
Train
Wonderful sound, can't really say too many bad things about them
Timberland
Timberland is extremely obnoxious sounding but they pair well with others
Pink
Good enough. Seriously can there be like an awful artist soon.
Justin Bieber
Oh shit. I just cursed myself. Yes. There can be an awful artist soon. Bieber sounds like an eight year old boy who just cut off his balls. And since when is repeating the word baby over and over again is NEVER acceptable except when during sex with children. Honestly. "baby. Baby. BABY. UGH." Was that too far?. Yes, yes it was. Now you will always think of that when you listen to the song. But instead the song sounds like a forth grader wrote a song based on the words on a Dora Valentine. The Guy isn't even legendarily cute like many of the other people who are popular based on looks alone. The guy sounds like a five second song on an iPod stuck on Replay
Iyaz
Ha. I see what I did there.
Boys Like Girls
What an ironic name for an emo type of band. unless you interpret it as boys that are like girls. Because emo heterosexual is a bit of an oxymoron. They are not awful though.
Owl City
Fireflies is a bit annoying but the rest of their music is good in my opinion
Taylor Swift
She went to my high school and she donated like 200,000 dollars and it went to the theatre department. So I have an enormous amount of respect for her. But I have to say that her voice is not the best I have heard. Her lyrics are very good. Also I would probably be expelled if I said she sucked. But seriously she isn't half bad.
Beyonce
She has a great voice. But the only songs from her I like is Single Ladies and Listen.
This blog wasn't that funny and for that I apologize. But I will be doing more of these. Next week i will pick a topic I know more about. TELEVISION!
Update:
I got the fish, I decided to name it Carl. I would add a picture but I don't want to.
Naylor out
Let's begin. Because I suck at transitions.
SEXY SATURDAY!!! WOOO-OOOOO-OOOOOOOOOOO-SHOODA BOP BOP
Music Edition
I am going to start by saying I love weird music. If you Don't like my taste in music you are probably normal. I do like a lot of popular things too though I will have a section for that today. But I'll shut up and begin with category 1.
6 Songs I can't stop listening to that you may not have heard of:
6 Get Crazy, LMFAO
This song is about flashing boobs. No joke. Actual subject of the songs. But it is just about the most catchy thing I have ever heard. It is dance worthy, and hilarious and I coulsn't really ask for more.
5 I've Got Nothing, Chartjackers.
I may be a little biased because I was involved in helping make this song. But it is currently my ring tone. The fact that it is a cheesy love song makes it even better.
4 Beautiful, Dirty, Rich, Lady Gaga.
I don't know if this is fair to put in the song you haven't heard of since Lady Gaga is such a phenomenal hit. But this song is much less heard of than some of her more popular works. Personally, I think this one is my favorite.
3 Come Around, MIA
While I hate that Timberland is in this song, MIA's part of the song is good enough to earn a spot on this list. The songs sheer catchyness is the driving force of the song. I especially love the random mumbling.
2 Straight Outta Compton, Nina Gordon
This is an amazing concept. A rap song sung with a beautiful woman's voice. It works and it's hilarious. Hearing the phrase "cuz ice cube is crazy as fuck" sung with Nina Gordon's voice is priceless
1 My Hands, Leona Lewis
This song is just beautiful. It's been out for a while but You probably haven't heard it. (Unless you stalk the FFXIII website like I do. It's like number seven on my "To Stalk" list)
******
When I made this list I totally forgot to add "Hands Down" by Dashboard Confessional. And when I continue through this week I might add a sexy stuff section at the bottom of every post just in case I want to talk about more songs or something else.
Now lets examine the most popular artist right now (cough cough I looked at iTunes and listened to the top 50 cough) to judge their abilities.
Ke$ha
I already blogged about this. Completely shitty artist. But Blah Blah Blah has 3OH3! in it so that one isn't quite as awful
Lady Gaga
Totally fucking amazing. I would cut off my leg to see Lady Gaga in concert. Her music is ingenious and extremely fun to listen too. Dance value, musical value, everything is wonderful.
Black Eyed Peas
Good. Ignore the hype for I Gotta Feeling, Listening to that song is like listening to a woman giving birth to a rhino, because it is bad . Boom Boom Pow, Meet Me Halfway, and Imma be are wonderful
Lady Antebellum
If you have a slight taste in country, you will probably like her. She has a good voice at least
Train
Wonderful sound, can't really say too many bad things about them
Timberland
Timberland is extremely obnoxious sounding but they pair well with others
Pink
Good enough. Seriously can there be like an awful artist soon.
Justin Bieber
Oh shit. I just cursed myself. Yes. There can be an awful artist soon. Bieber sounds like an eight year old boy who just cut off his balls. And since when is repeating the word baby over and over again is NEVER acceptable except when during sex with children. Honestly. "baby. Baby. BABY. UGH." Was that too far?. Yes, yes it was. Now you will always think of that when you listen to the song. But instead the song sounds like a forth grader wrote a song based on the words on a Dora Valentine. The Guy isn't even legendarily cute like many of the other people who are popular based on looks alone. The guy sounds like a five second song on an iPod stuck on Replay
Iyaz
Ha. I see what I did there.
Boys Like Girls
What an ironic name for an emo type of band. unless you interpret it as boys that are like girls. Because emo heterosexual is a bit of an oxymoron. They are not awful though.
Owl City
Fireflies is a bit annoying but the rest of their music is good in my opinion
Taylor Swift
She went to my high school and she donated like 200,000 dollars and it went to the theatre department. So I have an enormous amount of respect for her. But I have to say that her voice is not the best I have heard. Her lyrics are very good. Also I would probably be expelled if I said she sucked. But seriously she isn't half bad.
Beyonce
She has a great voice. But the only songs from her I like is Single Ladies and Listen.
This blog wasn't that funny and for that I apologize. But I will be doing more of these. Next week i will pick a topic I know more about. TELEVISION!
Update:
I got the fish, I decided to name it Carl. I would add a picture but I don't want to.
Naylor out
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