Theatre

Want to know what the kids are doing these days? Marijaunas too mainstream, Heroine's too dangerous and cocaine is so strip of Lindsay Lohan's vomit covered thong. No the kids are going back to the basics. The alchehals and the cancer sticks and worst of all them Theatres.

Most people think theatre is a harmless hobby but friends we are facing some serious problems here. The combination of extreme time consumption, an exhausting sacrifice of health, and a complete absorption into the life of a nonexistant human in combination with the showtunes and the prolonged exposure to the homosexual has created quite a potent drug.

Side effects include:
Vomiting
bad cases of Diarhea
Exhaustion
Hunger
intense desire to have sexual intercourse with men
songs being stuck in head
sweatyness
excessive showering
Laundry doing
and weight loss.


Why do the kids do it? Fame. Or at least the delusion of it. Acting is one of the only activities where you are directly thanked by your audience for your skills and it is almost worth the sacrifice.

And cast parties. I sort of plan on having all sorts of debauchery on cast party night.

I am an improved human being... and so can you

My last blog was kind of awfully depressing, so I want to make this blog awefull (meaning full of awesome of course *ha ha ha* crappy joke crappy joke)
I have recently become obsessed with investigative journalism and the parking lot list really kind of sealed the obsession. I want to write a really weird blog that investigate things people barely care about but make it very interesting. So yeah if I have another "this is what I am going to do" blog I will feel like a jerk so I am going to talk about something political... thugs and criminals.
Sorry I just think everyone needs to see http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jU7fhIO7DG0


Know why? Thugs and criminals. Lawl. Some night this week I will have a real blog. promise or stick a European curly haired platinum blonde canine in my optical receptor.

Depressing blog

I'm sick of watching every single thing I do become a futile attempt to reach some goal that was never reachable in the first place. I'm sick of having floors ripped out from under me and feeling the expectations of my reputation forcing me to find a place to stand in the air. But most of all, I'm sick of being ignored, of having people talk down to me, and treating me like some sort of ball of ignorance that they have to conceal their true feelings from. Of every euphemism and subtle hinting, of gestures and looks that people think I'm blind to.

I'm not a perfect person. I talk too much, I'm occasionally so pompous that I want to punch myself in the face, I'm not very attractive, I have an intense guilt complex, I procrastinate, and I have a tendency to lie to myself and others to avoid a conflict. But I don't hate people for no reason and if I did I would at least have the decency to tell them. And I most definitely don't do anything bad enough to deserve half of the stuff that I am forced to deal with.

I'm not claiming that my life is harder than anyone else's, far from it, but it does happen to on occasion suck beyond the telling of it. People seem to always have advice for me, and I am sick of hearing people tell me “There will be worse times” or implying that I don't know how the difficulties of life. I know what it feels like to be manipulated, to have my name slandered, to watch something I have put all of my time and effort into crumble before my eyes, to be forced to beg for the death of one of the things I loved the most, to be seen as too weird to communicate with, to be needed too much, to be hated, to be hated by a large group of people, to live through a time where every loud noise sounds like a gunshot and the death of someone I care about, to be discriminated against, to be betrayed, to be poor enough to get excited about going to a fast food restaurant, to have plentiful amounts of money but nothing to buy that has even the slightest potential to satisfy me for even a moment, to have things abruptly change, and to have every constant torn from my life. And most of all I know what it feels like to be a human fucking being and to have problems and to deal with them to the best of my ability.

Right now, I'm facing several enormous problems. The only course of action is as it's always been deal with what you can, let the rest sort it self out. But there isn't much I can deal with. And everything that will “sort itself out” will be sorted into a long road of pain that I will have to smile through because that is the only thing I know how to do. They say that pain is a learning experience, that there is a lesson to be found in suffering. But how many loves do I have to watch shatter to learn that love is meant to shatter? How many of my hopes have to be crushed for me to learn that hope is closest I will ever come to my desired result?

Bitch of the day

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PMvZQsSRgG4

That's right Tim James is the official bitch of the day, because honestly whattaskank. just watch this video. Or if not you can read my translation

I am selfish and pointlessly patriotic. Look at how much of a dick I can be toward people who are not exactly like me. Elect me as governor. Then again, it is Alabama.

School parking lot list of items.

I thought it would be interesting to catalog the litter in Hendersonville High and Kid's Kindgdom parking lot parking lot today.
2 Boxes of cigarettes (Naughty people!)
7 used condoms (6 yellow, 1 blue)
5 condom wrappers (I guess the other people ate the wrappers, because seriously if you are going to throw a bag full of your man juice onto the ground you should not feel the moral obligation to throw the wrapper in the proper trash receptical)
3 styrofoam cups (all large steak and shake cups)
10 paper cups (most of them crushed beyond recognition, but I did recognize a starbucks and a burger king)
17 pens (mostly cheap ones with chewed caps)
8 pencils ( 2 were not broken)
5 ripped paper bags (This is an assumption of the total of all the ripped shreds)
9 plastic bags (same as above)
5 plastic baggies (1 of them had some really unusual liquid in it which despite the fact that any liquid in a plastic bag is gross makes me believe that
1 ugly brown mitten (I guess dem kittens were flippin they're shittens when they realized they left their mittens in the parking lot)
1 pair of gym shorts (poor freshman, probably got raped)
23 snack wrappers (12 candy, rest chips or similar)
32 gum wrappers
1 diaper in the High school lot(I guess Mrs. Whorsham couldn't wait till she got inside. Seriously the feck?)
30 plastic bottles (lots of drinkers)
8 cans (only 4 were beer)
3 of what I am pretty sure was a bit of a joint
$7.84 in change
2 movie ticket stubs (1 for "How to Train Your Dragon", the other "Kick Ass)
1 scarf black
1 piece of thread
1 my little pony (it has rainbow curls)
3 articles of Barbie clothing (all skanky)
A pair of boxers
1 Panties (these two were close together. Hmmmmmm)
more duckcrap than worth mentioning
5 children having tantrums (3 girls, 1 boy, 1 of whatever the fuck it was probably some sort of minilesbian)
4 cars with teen girls staring at me unusually (They had the look of superiority and the sounds of Ke$ha)
4 tennis balls
A fishing lure
a single key (Probably for a small locker)
and a toilet brush

You will be happy to know that much of this trash has been throw away. except you know things where people's genatalia has been in contact with. I am going to begin this exercise every month because I feel that I have learned a lot about the town of Hendersonville. A bunch of chainsmoking people have sex while gnawing on condom wrappers, then they throw toys and fast food about while smoking joints then they clean a toilet.

Another attempt to blog

I need to get back into a routine of blogging. But I am not sure how I want to proceed with this blog. So I am just going to blog about... tuxedos.
I just put in my order for my prom tux. It's a black jacket, white shirt, and green vest/tie combo. Having a date to prom has proved to be a dilemma. First of all I felt involved in some drama that I did not need. Secondly I can't choose a classy and stylish tuxedo . Next year I am going to go all out and wear a crazy awesome tux and force someone to color coordinate with me. Of coarse then I have to go find some freaking dead flower to strap to her arm or whatever the hell you do with it.

One honest question, what is the purpose of a tie? It is just there so that it can be tugged upon erotically as the man unzips his pants for dance floor sex. You know the standing dance sex that all the kids are doing. It's much more popular than slide sex, but much less entertaining.

I'm worried about prom. The whole limo thing kind of intimidates me... but here's to hoping it doesn't suck.

ACTing Stupid and This is not a book

Wanna hear about my ACT? I didn't think so. But Here are three tips for you if you haven't taken it.
1. Watch the clock, especially on math.
2. On the math section do the easiest questions you can find and then do the hard ones.
3. Skim the passages on Reading then do the questions
4. Only look at the graphs and the first lines of the science passages
5. Answer every question.

And try not to get stuck in the same room as a moderately obnoxious blonde guy who is contantly adjusting himself and you know what I mean by that.

Also I got this book called This Is Not A Book and I kind of want to daily blog about my adventures with said book. to force myself into a topic. Anyway...
thanks for reading!

6 more people I hate

okay here are the worst things you can do ever.

The Uberfan
Fandom is fine like Twilight? No problemo. Like Dane Cook? You have crappy tastes but that's fines. It's these mofos who yell at you when you disagree with their bullshit tastes. "BUT STEPHANIE MEYER WRITING LIKA DA JEESUS YOU ARE A BITCHWHOREFAGBISCUIT AND I HATE YOU!" Yeah fanaticism sucks.

The Gay Apologizer
You know that guy who is like, "well he meant like stupid gay not like gay gay he didn't mean anything offensive by it he was just like talking and it slipped out you know?" Now I don't really care when people say that's so gay but I do care when people defend people for saying it because they are aknowledging it can be offensive and trying to justify it's use. Seriously can you be any more hypocritical. This leads me to the...

"No disrepect" guy
The person who says No offense and then totally insults you to your face and expects you to respond to it pleasantly. Or the "No disrespect to African Americans but they do seem to be loud an unintelligent"

The Ameba couple
Those people who date eachother and are totally like groping all the fucking time and every conversation with them is like talking to sex robot because they are suggesting intercourse with one another while massaging eachother in the genatalia. Yeah I hate them.

The Facade
The kind of people who talk to you like you are a child when they are realy just stifling their inner opinion of you. "Hey how was your weekend (looks away)". I'd rather talk to a bastard than someone who pretends to like me.

The KS
The person who makes a group called "Speaking on the Day of Silence" as a direct slap in the face to everyone participating and to the entire gay community. And the person who complains that Dumbledore is waving a gay pride flag when it is a fucking joke.

Apple

I have recently become jealous of anyone who has managed to get their hands on an iPad. While I know that it is just a big iPod touch I still would love one. It really seems like I am missing something with my mac because my magical brother has managed to turn his computer into the mystical working item that will bend to his every whim so I am going to be crazily overhauling my mac over the next few weeks.
Speaking of the next few weeks I am am off for spring break so nothing important is really going on. However I still managed to forget to blog today. But anyway I am going to talk about some of the mac applications I am going to get through completely legal process such as stealing.
Free things
Adium
I haven't had an IM thing in about three months so I am going to get every single kind because Adium let's me talk to people on all of my account through one IM account. This will of course allow me to hook up with the really creepy people on Omegle and the seven friends who actually want to talk to me outside of school.

Monster
This thing just tells me when things happen. Very useful though.

Quicksilver
Basically you press a button and type an application and it takes you there. Like magic fast. I just got this and I loves it.

Not so free things

Spell Catcher
Like 40$
Supposedly the best spell check ever. As you know I really need the best spell checker ever. I misspelled something and wrote oops and then misspelled oops. and then misspelled ROBERT YOU ARE A F*CKING IDIOT

Hyperspaces
Basically spaces on crack, not really that useful but I love spaces and this lets me customize them more.

well that's all I know of today except I am getting plants vs Zombies because it is the best video game ever.

Plans

Okay so I kind of failed on blogging everyday. I will continue to blogm but only on mondays wednesdays and weekends. that's it. Bye.

Two days of excitement

For the first time in Hendersonville I had a real night of excitement. First I went skating which is of course an enormous occasion for me as I am horrible at skating. This time I decided to go blading. At first I epically failed most because of Shannon as she pulled me down and everything. Eventually I was skating like someone who was not five. Speaking of five year olds one of them pushed Shannon down and called her a mother fucker which was highly enjoyable. We did the hockey pokey and I fell a lot. Eventually I was skating marvelously and I want to do it more often. Then we went to Stake and shake. And then we played hide and seek after curfew. I am kind of tired because we stayed out until like 12.
Today nothing happened. But I did sleep for about 11 hours.

Skating party

Technically I have already screwed up the whole blog every day thing so I will describe both "yesterday" and today later.

How to epically fail at trying to woo me

Okay so this guy that I barely know facebook chatted me yesterday which I may or may not have put in here yesterday ( Yes not even I read my blogs anymore). Anyway, I just kind of of did the whole talking to him thing. Apparently he has had an enormous crush on me or something and I told him thanks ( which you should probably take as a no). Three reasons, 1 he lives very far away as in 3 hours. 2. He is not very attractive, he's got like bad acne and stuff. 3. (note sarcasm) He is black. I'm not racist or anything but choosing a relationship is like choosing a toilet seat , if you see brown you should probably go elsewhere. I mean I want to walk up to him and say "Were you aware that your skin color is inferior?" (totally kidding!) Anyway he asked for skype I was honest with my no. He asked for texting, I lied through my teeth and said my phone service doesn't offer it. When asked about calling I just left.

But add a number 4. The guy is a total fucking creeper. He posted pictures of Kingdom hearts guys making out with each other and tagged me as Sorah and him as Rikku. First of all seriously, if you are goingbe creepy at least tag me as a hot cartoon character like Fred from Scooby Doo. It would be more endearing, which leads to the second point. It's not like I'm dating him or anything. It's terrifying when you don't actually know the person that well. Is anyone else wondering if he will somehow ruffie and rape me electronically or like start sending me dirty pictures? It was about the creepiest thing ever. So I blocked him and untagged myself from the photos.

What is it about me that attracts terrifying bi guys. At least the guy with the creepy gages doesn't actually do anything that creepy. I thinks it's bi people in general. There is that Kelly Thompson girl too. So many creepy people, and they all like me

The big 60! and a near death experience

I almost died today. Well sort of. As I was walking out of school at like 7 because of Cinderella, which by the way I totally screwed up every scene that I was in, not including the one I totally forgot to enter in... But anyway Emily Stubbs, attempted to run over me in her car! It was hilarious. No one understands my life. Speaking of "My Life" I am listening to a song from the Bratz movie by a band called the Slumber Party Girls, if you didn't think I could sink any lower. Speaking of low sinking there are several extremely creepy people who have enormous crushes on me right now. I liked the endearing childlike giddyness of Cuddles92 or whatever the hell I called them. No, I have people who are like "I want to have sex with you" and I'm like "I want to barf when I think of sex with you". Puttin' you on my anathema list biotch!

It's really kind of nice to just sort of talk on my blog rather than do something ridiculous and then have nobody read it. My couple of devoted readers will probably appreciate whatever I say anyway. I love you guys! So anyway the next 60 blogs will be more personal, if possible. I will try to stay funny.

Ke$ha on American Idol

BLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

A translation of Low

The Actual chorus
Shawty had them apple bottom jeans (jeans)
Boots with the fur (with the fur)
The whole club was looking at her
She hit the floor (she hit the floor)
Next thing you know
Shawty got low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low
Them baggy sweat pants
And the Reebok's with the straps (with the straps)
She turned around and gave that big booty a smack (hey)
She hit the floor (she hit the floor)
Next thing you know
Shawty got low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low

Translation:

A girl who's name I did not bother to learn was wearing skanky denim pants and some boots similar to those worn by eskimos. Both of which I noticed as I looked at her ass, I was not the only one to do so, in fact everyone in the club was also. She walked onto the dance floor, and as soon as she did, that girls was spreading her oversexual filth across the dancefloor with inappropriate moevements. She was apparently also wearing baggy sweat pants and Reeboks with velcro ( I believe this is a direct insult to her intelligence, claiming that she is unable to tie her shoes). She began dancing, and surprising continued to dance like she was trying to milk a sugar daddy for some cash while he received a boner.

[Flo-Rida]
I ain't never seen something that'll make me go
This crazy all night spending my doe
Had the million dollar vibe and a body to go
Them birthday cakes they stole the show
So sexual
She was flexible professional
Drinking X&O
Hold up, wait a minute, do I see what I think? Whoa
Did her thing seen shawty get low
Ain't the same when it's up that close
Make it rain I'm making it snow
Work the pole I gotta bank roll
I'm gonna say that I prefer the no clothes
I'm in to that I love women exposed
She threw it back at me I gave her mo
Cash ain't a problem I know where it go

Translation

Before this I had yet to see anything that would make my private parts tingle with this amount of excitement. Spending the money I probably received from welfare on a bit of a hormonal bingeby purchasing the womans vagina for a night. He squishy behind was quite impressive. Her dancing was wonderfully erotic, I mistook her for a woman who was a professional sexual dancer. Then I was drinking quite heavy amounts of alcohal. Hold on for approximately sixty seconds. Are you thinking similar thoughts to me? (The next word is an African American interjection that possibly means either a: I am having an orgasmic moment or b: that is a nice behind).Was she dacing like a floozy just now? It is quite different from a close vacinity. She is making my pants get wet and I am turning them white. Then I proposed she rode the pole like a bucking Bronco Llama, as I had quite a bit of cash on me. I must admit I prefer to watch dances when women are unclad, I gain pleasure when I look at girls thrusting their chamber of secrets about as their dirty pillows are flapping around. She returned the money to me, so I added a bit of cash to the pile.

[Chorus (T-Pain)]

[Flo-Rida]
Hey shawty what I gotta do to get you home
My jeans filled with guap and they're ready for showing
Cadillacs laid back for the sexy grown
Patron on the rocks that'll make you moan
One stack (come on), two stacks (come on), three stacks (come on)
Now that's three grand
What you think I'm playing baby girl I'm the man
I'm dealing rubber bands
That's when I threw her legs on my shoulders
I knew it was over
That heny and Cola got me like a soldier
She ready for Rover, I couldn't control her
So lucky on me I was just like clover
Shawty was hot like a toaster
Sorry but I had to fold her
Like a pornography poster
She showed her

Hello, woman. What would I be required to do to receive your services at my abode? My pants are filled with money and they are ready to leave my body. My testicles are prepared for sexual noises, and little Flo Rida is prepared to encourage you to make sexual exclamations. I am counting money. How about three thousand dollars for your filthy prostitution? You don't think I am serious? I am quite looking forward to your sexual services. That is when I placed her legs upon my shoulders and had some sex with her until I nearly had premature ejaculation, the alcohol I had consumed gave me a rifle and left me trigger happy like a boy soldier in Sudan. She was ready for me to play red rover with her internal organs. She was a good purchase, much like a lucky charm that you hang around your genatalia. She was sexually, much like a mechanical box that cooks bread into a crispy texture. I sincerely apologive for the fact that I had to contort her body, similar to the way I might attempt to close a poster of nudity.

[Chorus (T-Pain)]

[Flo-Rida]
Whoa shawty yeah she was worth the money
Little mama took my cash
And I ain't want it back
The way she bent that back
Got all them paper stacks
Tattoo above her crack
I had to handle that
I was zoned in sexy woman
Let me show it make me want it
Two in the morning I'm zoned in
Them rosee bottles foaming
She wouldn't stop
Made it drop
Shawty dipped that pop and lock
Had to break her off that guap
Gal was fine just like my glock

Her sexual services were highly enjoyed. She accepted her payment, and I was glad to pay her for her services, because of the way she contorted herself for my sexual pleasure. She accepted all of the cash, she also had a tattoo rigt about the center of her buttocks. This fact surprised me and I had to deal with this fact as I stared at her. She allowed me to view it and caused me to desire it. It was early in the morning and I was drunk off of some sort of alcohalic beverage. Yet, she continued to dance, bouncing her booty and doing hip hop moves. I had to remove her from the money, because she was sexy similar to the pistol I own.

Oops

Totes forgot to blog today. I'm not doing anything right today. I even misspelled Oops on a paper and that is just a failure.

Stream of conciousness: Wellness class

First of all an explanation. This is a sort of creative piece. Basically I am going to enter the mind of someone every time it is convenient because I am not creative enough to talk about my own life. This is a showcase of sorts because I want real practice as a novelist. This is the closest thing to publishing I have right now. Today I am in the mind of a freshman boy on his first two days of wellness class. This is supposed to record the thoughts of the person. Tell me what you think.
Day 1
Da da da da. I'm going to Wellness now. I guess the gym is this way, this class ought to be pretty simple just run around, don't get fat, and play some kickball. There is nothing scary about high schoo- OH MY GOD THE MEXICANS HAVE COME TO STEAL OUR JOBS! False alarm it's just a tan.. oh here we go Gymnasium. Oh okay everybody is sitting on the bleachers, but where is the gym teacher. OH MY GOD DID THAT FAT GUY EAT HIM?! No, wait that is the gym teacher, he looks quite a bit like a walrus. Well I guess I'll sit down, oh I know her and him and her and her. I guess I'll sit with them. Oh the walrus is singing! No it's telling us to bring exercise clothes for tommorow and that we can talk now. Alright I'll remember that.
FAST FORWARD!
Day 2
Alright I guess these are the changing rooms. I'll just do this quickly and nobody will bother me. HOLY CRAP. There is so much ax being sprayed in here, it's body odor not the bubonic plague, you don't have to coat the room in it. Oh damn, all the jocks are in here. Are they capable of shutting up? Okay so out of the jeans, into the shorts, out of the shirt into the- OUCH. For the love of god! Why the crap did you just hit me. Oh that makes since because "fag". Alright out of here now. The walrus is telling us to run. Running, running, running, when the walrus tell us to stop running? Oh okay now. That took like thirty minutes! Now it's back into my normal clothes, but I'm sweat like a prostitute in church, why do we say that? Is she like being raped by the holy spirit and having all kinds of fun or something OH nevermind! The whole sin thing. What we have to shower!this doesn't make any sense in front of freaking everyone? Oh crap everyone is hitting me with towels again. Oh there are stalls lets see. Occupied. Occupied. Double occupied and... moaning... oh this one is free. FF
All done oh crap where are my clothes. Oh that's real mature give me back pants. Why? because I'll kill you. Give me back my pants. What- AHHHHH! NO PLEASE DON'T. FF

The young boy in this story was later arrested for indecent exposure after his clothes had been urinated on. This is a cautionary tale for young freshman. Except you can't do anything to prevent it so nevermind.

And ask me stuff on my formspring.
http://www.formspring.me/rolyan93

Children, Owls and three hundred masturbators

I went to Mammoth Cave national park today. It is the largest cave in the world. There isn't much to elaborate on except how people should not bring children to small enclosed places where there will be about a hundred other people. In the entire cave children were hugging my legs and whining and shining LED lights directly in my eyes.
So here is a list of places never to bring children
1. Live theatre shows.
2. Caves.
3. Concerts
4. Nice restaurants
5.within eight feet of me

I am obsessed with Owl city right now. I am addicted to Vanilla Twilight. If you haven't heard it you should listen to it now

, Chat roulette. I tried chat roulette, this is an almost exact list of people I saw
Man masturbating, next
two girls, next
An old man, next
An asian girl chatted for a few minutes,
a man and woman having sex, next
A man masturbating, next
A woman juggling her boobs, next
A penis, next
A bunch of stuffed animals and a sign reading show your tits please! next
Couple of guys,next
Michael from five awesome gays! Connection implodes

Don't do it unless you are not phased by the male genatalia.

Oh yeah I just made a formspring. It's at http://www.formspring.me/rolyan93
Ask me anything

Adventure

I am going to start watching all of the really good movies of the past twenty years. Today I saw Up. I loved it. I'd love to blog more but I lost track of time and I will have a real one for you tommorow so... love you all.