What do I say in 5 minutes?
My brother came back today, which is a bother with a r that stands for ridiculous. AH That's it I'll do a chatspeak translations! Okay here goes. umm.
ROFL
Riding on fucking llama.
Ha that was pretty funny no?
Shortest blog yet. Brother was home, pressed for time.
Hearts and love and all that jazz.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Reverting to childhood
Today I am going to review my favorites from childhood and explain why they were either good or awful. This one is longer so I'll begin
Music
Britney Spears
Still good, but not for the same reasons. She is now good for being slutty sounding and catchy. She used to be pretty bad.
Backstreet Boys
Um not so much. They had an okay sound but they just tickled my young love for harmonies
* NSYNC
Still Amazing. Honestly go listen to Bye, Bye, Bye right now and tell me you don't love it. They could dance too. They were awesome. Now I want to do the pop dance for the talent show next year. LOVE THEM
Aaron Carter
He is like Justin Bieber's inspiration. SOOOO BADDD. He sounds like a four year old Kareoke party.
Destiny's Child
Survivor was really good.So was say my name. I actually am buying those songs. Sue me I loved me.
TV Shows
Powerpuff Girls
Oh my gosh this show was so good. Great dialouge, cool fight scenes. I used to get laughed at for watching this, yet I still stand by it proudly
Courage the Cowardly Dog
Still great. NAUGHTY. Go watch that one now. It's really good. I love courage and Muriel and Eustice. Flantasy flan.
Scooby Doo
This show was a big formula every episode was the exact same. But I did love the characters, that's all this show had going for it.
Winnie the Pooh
Aw. I loved Eeyore. This show was so precious, not great but at least very memorable.
Books
Goosebumps
Hahaha. Go to Blogger Beware. This series was bad
Harry Potter
OMG. THE BEST THING EVER
Magic Treehouse
Not good.
This blog was not great. Tommorows will be better! I SWEAR
Music
Britney Spears
Still good, but not for the same reasons. She is now good for being slutty sounding and catchy. She used to be pretty bad.
Backstreet Boys
Um not so much. They had an okay sound but they just tickled my young love for harmonies
* NSYNC
Still Amazing. Honestly go listen to Bye, Bye, Bye right now and tell me you don't love it. They could dance too. They were awesome. Now I want to do the pop dance for the talent show next year. LOVE THEM
Aaron Carter
He is like Justin Bieber's inspiration. SOOOO BADDD. He sounds like a four year old Kareoke party.
Destiny's Child
Survivor was really good.So was say my name. I actually am buying those songs. Sue me I loved me.
TV Shows
Powerpuff Girls
Oh my gosh this show was so good. Great dialouge, cool fight scenes. I used to get laughed at for watching this, yet I still stand by it proudly
Courage the Cowardly Dog
Still great. NAUGHTY. Go watch that one now. It's really good. I love courage and Muriel and Eustice. Flantasy flan.
Scooby Doo
This show was a big formula every episode was the exact same. But I did love the characters, that's all this show had going for it.
Winnie the Pooh
Aw. I loved Eeyore. This show was so precious, not great but at least very memorable.
Books
Goosebumps
Hahaha. Go to Blogger Beware. This series was bad
Harry Potter
OMG. THE BEST THING EVER
Magic Treehouse
Not good.
This blog was not great. Tommorows will be better! I SWEAR
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
FOXES ARE DUMB
Let's get this going. 20 Reason why I hate fox
20. They cancel good TV shows. Like Firefly and Wonderfalls. Honestly Fox. You suck.
19. Bill O'Reilly. Some people would think I would put this closer to number one. However Bill O'Reilly is the most moderate conservative on the damn channel and he spent 4 shows talking about how Dumbledore was indoctrinating children into Homosexuality. Compared to some of the later numbers he is tea and cookies.
18.The blatant homophobia of the channel itself. Honestly when you cover a non existent tea party protest and ignore the massive gay rights march. Oh yeah and there were some gays that marched around being all silly and homosexual this weekend, but some tea party people were here a few minutes ago. Honestly, we're not talking about Paris Hilton. You can't film a discarded thong or the general odor of ignorant anger and call that news.
17. the focus on the Tea Party movement. Honestly you expect anyone to care about people marching around saying "What do we want, NO NEGROS IN POL-IT-ICS! OR YOU KNOW TAXES" and carrying ar0und signs that say "We are the jews for Obama's ovens"? What's worse is they criticize other news stations for ignoring protests as small as 500 people. Honestly why did Fox miss my pep rally, there were a bunch of people yelling there? 500 can't be ignored!
16.They fired Colmes. He was the only Liberal employee of the station. Seriously. The only one.
15. They lied about Obama's Healthcare plan to the point of making it look like he said the opposite of what he said. Basically one in the interview he looked at the teleprompter and read that people were asking whether or or not "I would like a Healthcare system similar to those in Europe" (<--- That is what Fox quoted) A question to which he answered no. They totally lied about what he said and sparked a lot of people babbling about nothing, when really Obama was talking about making a more affordable system
14. They basically organized an anti Obama protest.
13.Ann Coulter's opinion seems to be valued on this channel.
12. They hate Lesbians. (See yesterday)
11. They source conservatively. This means that they gather their information in a way that will present a conservative bias. No other news company sources as biasedly as Fox does.
10. During Obama's Campaign they did a story on his taste in music and how it was evil. Obama says that Ludacris is a good musician but Ludacris says lyrics refering to women as bitches and hos, therefore Obama is pimp.
9. They corrupted the innocent fox's name by associating it with their news station. Next they will refer to rape as "Narwhal" and murder as "Armadillo". and genocide as "Puggle".
8. They gave Birthers a bunch of airtime
7. They eat children.
6. Sean Hannity. Totally uniformed. A total idiot. No seriously watch his show he is a Fecking dumbess.
5. They call other news station Liberally Biased, when they hire no liberals and expect not to be called a conservative news station.
4. They say that they interview people of all points of view. This is true but they will say "Here is a treasonous bastard who says John McCain was a bad soldier"
3. Sarah Palin. Honestly this woman is the worst thing to politics ever. she gets her own blog badmouthing her in funny ways
2. Glenn beck. HUGE ASSHOLE
1. They say they are fair and balanced
20. They cancel good TV shows. Like Firefly and Wonderfalls. Honestly Fox. You suck.
19. Bill O'Reilly. Some people would think I would put this closer to number one. However Bill O'Reilly is the most moderate conservative on the damn channel and he spent 4 shows talking about how Dumbledore was indoctrinating children into Homosexuality. Compared to some of the later numbers he is tea and cookies.
18.The blatant homophobia of the channel itself. Honestly when you cover a non existent tea party protest and ignore the massive gay rights march. Oh yeah and there were some gays that marched around being all silly and homosexual this weekend, but some tea party people were here a few minutes ago. Honestly, we're not talking about Paris Hilton. You can't film a discarded thong or the general odor of ignorant anger and call that news.
17. the focus on the Tea Party movement. Honestly you expect anyone to care about people marching around saying "What do we want, NO NEGROS IN POL-IT-ICS! OR YOU KNOW TAXES" and carrying ar0und signs that say "We are the jews for Obama's ovens"? What's worse is they criticize other news stations for ignoring protests as small as 500 people. Honestly why did Fox miss my pep rally, there were a bunch of people yelling there? 500 can't be ignored!
16.They fired Colmes. He was the only Liberal employee of the station. Seriously. The only one.
15. They lied about Obama's Healthcare plan to the point of making it look like he said the opposite of what he said. Basically one in the interview he looked at the teleprompter and read that people were asking whether or or not "I would like a Healthcare system similar to those in Europe" (<--- That is what Fox quoted) A question to which he answered no. They totally lied about what he said and sparked a lot of people babbling about nothing, when really Obama was talking about making a more affordable system
14. They basically organized an anti Obama protest.
13.Ann Coulter's opinion seems to be valued on this channel.
12. They hate Lesbians. (See yesterday)
11. They source conservatively. This means that they gather their information in a way that will present a conservative bias. No other news company sources as biasedly as Fox does.
10. During Obama's Campaign they did a story on his taste in music and how it was evil. Obama says that Ludacris is a good musician but Ludacris says lyrics refering to women as bitches and hos, therefore Obama is pimp.
9. They corrupted the innocent fox's name by associating it with their news station. Next they will refer to rape as "Narwhal" and murder as "Armadillo". and genocide as "Puggle".
8. They gave Birthers a bunch of airtime
7. They eat children.
6. Sean Hannity. Totally uniformed. A total idiot. No seriously watch his show he is a Fecking dumbess.
5. They call other news station Liberally Biased, when they hire no liberals and expect not to be called a conservative news station.
4. They say that they interview people of all points of view. This is true but they will say "Here is a treasonous bastard who says John McCain was a bad soldier"
3. Sarah Palin. Honestly this woman is the worst thing to politics ever. she gets her own blog badmouthing her in funny ways
2. Glenn beck. HUGE ASSHOLE
1. They say they are fair and balanced
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Sexy Tuesday! TV Edition
This is Sexy Saturday but with a Tuesday twist. Before I go and tell you about what you should and should not be watching, I have sad news. My fish Charleston died today and I thought I should give him a moment of ellipsis...
Anyway before this gets too depressing let me tell you today's categories. Two shows you probably missed, 8 canceled shows you absolutely must get into, and what you should and should not be watching on TV at the moment.
Before I begin let me tell you this: I really, REALLY hate Fox. While this is for a variety of reasons, I will probably use that as my blog tomorrow, So I will focus on the fact that they kill their best shows! You might say, oh the shows just don't get viewers. No. Fox Murders them. You will see what I mean. Basically they take shows that they personally don't like for whatever reason, and place them in the worst possible time slots and then they often randomly change the time slot with no advertising. With a couple of the shows they killed, they aired the episodes out of order.
I have a theory that Fox absolutely hates lesbians. You will see why in a minute.
Shows you probably missed.
1. Wonderfalls. This show was only on air for four episodes. Because, yes it was on Fox. The basic premise of the show is that this underachieving girl who works in a gift shop is suddenly given orders by random toy animals, ping flamingos, and the like. Their little orders, while seemingly random, eventually lead to the main girl helping other character's lives get better. It sounds stupid, but it's not. The writing is incredibly good and funny, the charachters are lovable... but alas the main character's sister is a lesbian. So Fox canceled the show. You can get it on DVD.
2. Firefly. This show has an enormous cult fanbase so I barely need to advertise it here. It's a sci-fi western by the wonderful Joss Whedon, (who, it should be noted, scripted the first lesbian sex scene). Fox also murdered this show. The box set is very popular, so you can probably find it at a Blockbuster, if you don't like to buy things.
The Great Six. My favorite six canceled shows. In order
6. Arrested Development.
This show has a very specific audience, but it is one of my favorite straight comedies ever. I laugh more at this than Seinfeld. It is the story of the Bluth Family, a dysfunctional rich family that lost everything. The show has very quirky characters, like Gob the magician, and Tobias the never- nude former analrapist (both an analyst and a therapist) turned actor. The show eventually begins to use more inside jokes than anything so it's best if you start from the beginning.
5. Veronica Mars
This is a show that you really have to watch from the begining to get into. But once you get into it will hold you until the writing gets lazy in the third season and you are telling yourself "I love the characters, I love the charachters" so you can survive it. Seriously though the first two seasons are so wonderfully crafted, you find yourself stunned and often in tears.
4. Pushing Daisies
A cute quirky comedy about a piemaker who can raise the dead. This show is ingenious, the characters are so unique and I found myself loving all of them from the knitting detective to the the waitress (played by Kristen Chenowith, nuff said). The show makes me laugh every time I see it.
3. Dead Like Me
About George Lass, who becomes a grim reaper after she is hit by a toilet seat that fell from space. The deaths in this show are insanely creative and the dialogue is extremely witty and well written. "It's not about homeland security you stupid motherfucker I'm gunna get a friend!"
2.Angel
Basically this is a Buffy spinoff that took on a bit of a darker tone and ended up turning out to be almost as good as it's parent show which I will now fangasm about.
1. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
The. Best. Show. Ever. Honestly it has love, it's hilarious, it has action, drama, song singing, lesbians... Everything about this show is incredible. The title basically explains the premise. It's about a girl named Buffy who is, in fact, a vampire slayer. But it is about so much more than that. Every episode had me loving the characters more and more until I was riding on the emotional rollercoaster along with them. Favorites include Willow and Anya. If you like dialog, you will love this show. If you like action, you will love this show. If you have the smallest amount of good taste in your body, you will love this show. Go watch it, go buy seasons 1-7 and watch every last one of them. I order you to do so.
Okay I need to wrap this up so these will be shorter.
Sexy Shows
House
This is the best Medical drama on air. Period.
30 Rock
I love this show. It's simply hilarious
South Park
Still just as genius as it was years ago.
Weeds
Amazing, but it is on showtime, so you may not get it on your cable, if you do have showtime, watch this show.
United States of Tara
Another showtime show, you should definitely check it out.
Supernatural
A Buffy knock off, but good nonetheless
Glee
Despite the fact that almost everyone likes it, this show is good.
Bones
The only crime show I can bare anymore.
Unsexy Shows
Lost
Way to overcomplicated. It is also full of plotholes and obnoxious fans
Anything Reality TV, exclding American Idol and my guilty pleasure Bachelor
I don't even know of the existence of other bad TV shows...
One last thing is anyone else sad about iCarly getting canceled? Way to ruin the television for children. Anyway tomorrow I talk about fox news.
Anyway before this gets too depressing let me tell you today's categories. Two shows you probably missed, 8 canceled shows you absolutely must get into, and what you should and should not be watching on TV at the moment.
Before I begin let me tell you this: I really, REALLY hate Fox. While this is for a variety of reasons, I will probably use that as my blog tomorrow, So I will focus on the fact that they kill their best shows! You might say, oh the shows just don't get viewers. No. Fox Murders them. You will see what I mean. Basically they take shows that they personally don't like for whatever reason, and place them in the worst possible time slots and then they often randomly change the time slot with no advertising. With a couple of the shows they killed, they aired the episodes out of order.
I have a theory that Fox absolutely hates lesbians. You will see why in a minute.
Shows you probably missed.
1. Wonderfalls. This show was only on air for four episodes. Because, yes it was on Fox. The basic premise of the show is that this underachieving girl who works in a gift shop is suddenly given orders by random toy animals, ping flamingos, and the like. Their little orders, while seemingly random, eventually lead to the main girl helping other character's lives get better. It sounds stupid, but it's not. The writing is incredibly good and funny, the charachters are lovable... but alas the main character's sister is a lesbian. So Fox canceled the show. You can get it on DVD.
2. Firefly. This show has an enormous cult fanbase so I barely need to advertise it here. It's a sci-fi western by the wonderful Joss Whedon, (who, it should be noted, scripted the first lesbian sex scene). Fox also murdered this show. The box set is very popular, so you can probably find it at a Blockbuster, if you don't like to buy things.
The Great Six. My favorite six canceled shows. In order
6. Arrested Development.
This show has a very specific audience, but it is one of my favorite straight comedies ever. I laugh more at this than Seinfeld. It is the story of the Bluth Family, a dysfunctional rich family that lost everything. The show has very quirky characters, like Gob the magician, and Tobias the never- nude former analrapist (both an analyst and a therapist) turned actor. The show eventually begins to use more inside jokes than anything so it's best if you start from the beginning.
5. Veronica Mars
This is a show that you really have to watch from the begining to get into. But once you get into it will hold you until the writing gets lazy in the third season and you are telling yourself "I love the characters, I love the charachters" so you can survive it. Seriously though the first two seasons are so wonderfully crafted, you find yourself stunned and often in tears.
4. Pushing Daisies
A cute quirky comedy about a piemaker who can raise the dead. This show is ingenious, the characters are so unique and I found myself loving all of them from the knitting detective to the the waitress (played by Kristen Chenowith, nuff said). The show makes me laugh every time I see it.
3. Dead Like Me
About George Lass, who becomes a grim reaper after she is hit by a toilet seat that fell from space. The deaths in this show are insanely creative and the dialogue is extremely witty and well written. "It's not about homeland security you stupid motherfucker I'm gunna get a friend!"
2.Angel
Basically this is a Buffy spinoff that took on a bit of a darker tone and ended up turning out to be almost as good as it's parent show which I will now fangasm about.
1. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
The. Best. Show. Ever. Honestly it has love, it's hilarious, it has action, drama, song singing, lesbians... Everything about this show is incredible. The title basically explains the premise. It's about a girl named Buffy who is, in fact, a vampire slayer. But it is about so much more than that. Every episode had me loving the characters more and more until I was riding on the emotional rollercoaster along with them. Favorites include Willow and Anya. If you like dialog, you will love this show. If you like action, you will love this show. If you have the smallest amount of good taste in your body, you will love this show. Go watch it, go buy seasons 1-7 and watch every last one of them. I order you to do so.
Okay I need to wrap this up so these will be shorter.
Sexy Shows
House
This is the best Medical drama on air. Period.
30 Rock
I love this show. It's simply hilarious
South Park
Still just as genius as it was years ago.
Weeds
Amazing, but it is on showtime, so you may not get it on your cable, if you do have showtime, watch this show.
United States of Tara
Another showtime show, you should definitely check it out.
Supernatural
A Buffy knock off, but good nonetheless
Glee
Despite the fact that almost everyone likes it, this show is good.
Bones
The only crime show I can bare anymore.
Unsexy Shows
Lost
Way to overcomplicated. It is also full of plotholes and obnoxious fans
Anything Reality TV, exclding American Idol and my guilty pleasure Bachelor
I don't even know of the existence of other bad TV shows...
One last thing is anyone else sad about iCarly getting canceled? Way to ruin the television for children. Anyway tomorrow I talk about fox news.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Omegladdicted
Today I'm going talk about Omegle. It's a stranger chat website that I LOVE. No seriously it's amazing. You go on there and you get to talk to complete idiots. Like this person.
Stranger: ARE YOU AWARE OF HOW TO STOP YOUR TYPING FROM BEING IN ALL CAPS?
Stranger: ARE YOU AWARE OF HOW TO STOP YOUR TYPING FROM BEING IN ALL CAPS?
Stranger: I SEEM TO BE HAVING A PROBLEM
You: press the''Caps Lock" key
Stranger: Oh... thanks
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
You get to talk to random horny people.
Stranger: Hey sexy girl!
You: Hey sexy 47 year old man.
Stranger: Please. I'm only 43
Stranger: Tell me about your boobs.
You have disconnected.
But best of all you get to have absolutely ridiculous conversations: Like these 7
Touched by an Angel
Age difference doesn't matter I guess
Stranger: Oh... thanks
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
You get to talk to random horny people.
Stranger: Hey sexy girl!
You: Hey sexy 47 year old man.
Stranger: Please. I'm only 43
Stranger: Tell me about your boobs.
You have disconnected.
But best of all you get to have absolutely ridiculous conversations: Like these 7
Touched by an Angel
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
Stranger: where are you from?
You: Heaven.
You: I am an angel here to protect young girls from pedophiles
Stranger: you are joke
You: give me your full address so I can make sure no pedophiles get it.
Stranger: oh ,so tell me where are you from please~~~!
You: And tell me what times you are alone at so I can keep them away
You: I told you I am an angel! I am from the tips of gods fingers.
Stranger: yeah ,always
You: Now tell me where you live so I can rape you
You: I mean protect you
You: from being raped
Stranger: china,can you see me ?
You: yes
Stranger: so ,what color my clothes is?
You: I can only see your beautiful face in glimpses from our heavenly father.
You: I see your inner self. You naked.
Stranger: i hate you ^
You: This does not matter you must be raped by your protector,
You: I mean protected from your rapist
Age difference doesn't matter I guess
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi asl'
You: Hi 23 male USA
Stranger: cool
You: What about you?
Stranger: 12 f florida
You: 12? Shouldn't you be in bed by now?
You: MY BED?
Stranger: nahhh
Stranger: \depends whatcha look like
(HOLY CRAP 12 year olds. Interested. In 23 year olds. WTF)
I admit I was inspired by 6
Stranger: heyStranger: Oh yeah!
You: Dude you are fucking creeper.
Stranger: What? Can't a guy be horny?
Kitty roleplaying
Most of my other ones weren't this fun. I just thought I''d share some as a break from my normal blogs. Anyway. Omegle is awesome. And I wil lhave a real blog tommorow. It will be a Sexy Tuesday. Because I totally forgot Sexy Saturday.
(HOLY CRAP 12 year olds. Interested. In 23 year olds. WTF)
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
I admit I was inspired by 6
Stranger: hey
Stranger: asl?
You: 7 f tragically not in your pants
You: Dude you are fucking creeper.
Stranger: What? Can't a guy be horny?
Kitty roleplaying
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hey there
You: Hey are you a boy or a girl
Stranger: what are you?
You: It is quite obvious that I a fluffy white kitten
Stranger: My name is Stacey
You: Oh I see you are a crossdresser
Stranger: why do you say that?
You: Work those hairy legs in a dress!
Stranger: why do you think that?
You: Stacey it's obviously a crossdresser name. That's worse than the name Yolanda!
Stranger: how would know so much about it? what's your name?
You: Mittens
Stranger: cute
Stranger: are you a boy a girl kitty?
You: The bad veteranarian cut off my junk so it doesn't really matter anymore
Stranger: i see. why are you on omegle mittens?
You: Because I was lonely. My owner has 27 other cats and she completely ignores me
Stranger: don't you want a new owner?
You: I do, I do
You: Will you be my owner?
Stranger: i'd love a new kitty yes
You: OH MY GOD THIS STACEY MAN-GAL WANT'S MY PUSSY!
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Sort of boring day
I was going to blog about the mystical love that I fell in today because I posted that thing on here, but alas, life is crap. Today is a straight up blog about my life, but I will try to be funny about it.
I had to go to church, which would be a good thing/bad thing/WHY IS MY LIFE SO COMPLEX?/sort of interesting. But alas when one is forced to go to something they do not care about and none of the few friends they have who attend said event are at said event... okay let me make this as simple I went to church which I, as what some might call a filthy heathen and denier of our lord and savior Jesus Christ who died to save your sins you ungrateful little wrench, do not particularly enjoy attending church. My parents said that we have to go to church as a family but I don't have to go to the same church. First of all WTF kind of logic is that? Second I decided to go to a church someone I had been asked out by once before attended. Said person who I shall henceforth refer to as Cuddles94, had asked me out on a weekend I was scheduled to attend to orthodontist on. The orthodontist seems like a crap excuse to dodge a date. Not in my house.
More WTF logic from my parents: since we moved Robert in the middle of his braces sentence, we should not find a new orthodontist, but instead waste entire Saturdays driving eight hours to and from the orthodontist. With pointless short breaks, which my stepdad defines as about 30 minutes of me sitting in the car alone while he chats up the elderly.
Anyway long story short there was a French club party, and Cuddles94 was like "You should totally make such and such recipe that is time consuming so that I will attend this party, otherwise I will not go. I am totally not fucking lying right now and certainly do not actually have plans to coffee with someone else after school tommorow, if I was I would tell you and this would be noncomplicated and your vengeful streak won't have to battle your attraction and genuine liking of me later on." Long story short. People lie. But I didn't let on that this totally rubbed me the wrong way and still haven't.
Then I got to see Cuddles94 struggle under the pressures of the new relationship. Until the rents totally find out about a little presex funtimes, and Cuddles94 felt the sting of long term punishment. When the txt... to a friend of Cuddles94 ended their short lived relationship. I was able to taste the sweet air of karma and the wonderful words "Na na na na! That's what you get jerkface!"
Anyway Cuddles94 goes to the church and recently broke through the rent's watchful eyes to send people Facebook messages. Then I get one about attending the church again, and I get my hopes up for an interesting Valentines and Cuddles94 is a no show.
BLUGH. Wow human race Wow.
I had to go to church, which would be a good thing/bad thing/WHY IS MY LIFE SO COMPLEX?/sort of interesting. But alas when one is forced to go to something they do not care about and none of the few friends they have who attend said event are at said event... okay let me make this as simple I went to church which I, as what some might call a filthy heathen and denier of our lord and savior Jesus Christ who died to save your sins you ungrateful little wrench, do not particularly enjoy attending church. My parents said that we have to go to church as a family but I don't have to go to the same church. First of all WTF kind of logic is that? Second I decided to go to a church someone I had been asked out by once before attended. Said person who I shall henceforth refer to as Cuddles94, had asked me out on a weekend I was scheduled to attend to orthodontist on. The orthodontist seems like a crap excuse to dodge a date. Not in my house.
More WTF logic from my parents: since we moved Robert in the middle of his braces sentence, we should not find a new orthodontist, but instead waste entire Saturdays driving eight hours to and from the orthodontist. With pointless short breaks, which my stepdad defines as about 30 minutes of me sitting in the car alone while he chats up the elderly.
Anyway long story short there was a French club party, and Cuddles94 was like "You should totally make such and such recipe that is time consuming so that I will attend this party, otherwise I will not go. I am totally not fucking lying right now and certainly do not actually have plans to coffee with someone else after school tommorow, if I was I would tell you and this would be noncomplicated and your vengeful streak won't have to battle your attraction and genuine liking of me later on." Long story short. People lie. But I didn't let on that this totally rubbed me the wrong way and still haven't.
Then I got to see Cuddles94 struggle under the pressures of the new relationship. Until the rents totally find out about a little presex funtimes, and Cuddles94 felt the sting of long term punishment. When the txt... to a friend of Cuddles94 ended their short lived relationship. I was able to taste the sweet air of karma and the wonderful words "Na na na na! That's what you get jerkface!"
Anyway Cuddles94 goes to the church and recently broke through the rent's watchful eyes to send people Facebook messages. Then I get one about attending the church again, and I get my hopes up for an interesting Valentines and Cuddles94 is a no show.
BLUGH. Wow human race Wow.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Short blog.
This will be the last love themed blog for a long while anyway, unless I like fall in love tommorow or something because I think everyone including me is getting sick of them. This blog will be short because my parents love me and I must go to a church even if it is not the one they go to because God will heal my life and make everything better. His method of doing this is strange, it seems to involve synchronized singing badly, putting on ugly clothes under the pretense that they are nice, and waking up ridiculously early. Today will just be about some interesting things about love and relationships, which I will comment on using some humorous explanations.
Fisrt thing I would like to say: Did you know that being in love actually releases a chemical similar to amphetamines? That's right love is crystal meth. That's probably why all meth addicts are trailer park dwellers with no friends, family, or cats. Because when you are in love you get all the fun times of drugs, without looking like you can't spell the word dentist.
Ain't ya spell that D-N-T-47?
A lot of people know that the longest time any two people have ever been in a relationship for is recorded to be 85 years of marriage? Did you know this is also the longest recorded time that a human has not had sex? All the virgins die before 84 from meth amphetamine related accidents. The shortest recorded relationship lasted for .0000012 seconds when man asked a girl out and received a yes at the exact moment the woman was eviscerated by a passerby. *BS ALERT*
Paraphilia is sexual attraction to strange things. In order to qualify as a paraphilia, the perversion has to be recored in only a very small number of people. I am going to list some of my favorites:
Pyrophilia: Sexual attraction to fire. This is possible impractical perversion I can possibly imagine.
Ursusagalmatophilia. Sexual attraction to stuffed animals. This perversion is present in all teenage boys as when they see stuffed animals they feel the need to set up elaborate sex scenes and video tape them.
Nasophilia- Attraction to noses. The bigger the better.
Dendrophillia- Attraction to trees. A haiku
Sexytime splinters
Skiddillydoo porcupine.
OW! My effing junk
I don't want to end on a sexual note so let me go with Shakespearean one.
Did you know that Shakespeare's most famous love sonnet was written to a man? Yes. "Shall I Compare Thee to a Summer's Day?" was written for the Earl of South Hampton. While Shakespeare would seem, through his sonnets, to fall in love with this man, he eventually gives up on a relationship with him because he wants the Earl to have some babies.
Later Shakespeare would go on to fall in love with the dark lady to whom he wrote several of his most popular love sonnets to.
Hmm I still feel like I need to say something to wrap this up so I am going to go for a personal note.
I've never fallen in love because I haven't had the opportunity. Maybe one day soon an opportunity will knock, but I am past the days where I will whine because I do not have anyone in my life. (At least until the next five days on and before Valentines day). I am above posting chain messages saying that I will get a kiss this Valentines day.
Don't read this, it really works
1. Say your name five times.
2. Say your crushes name five times.
3. spin around seven times while saying "Love is Everywhere"
4. Post this to your blog or send to five people in the next hour and your crush will ask you out on Valentines day. If you don't you will be chained up in a public bathroom and whipped and raped by leather clad insane lesbians until you are unable to have children.
Or attending a certain church just because someone I like goes there. *cough* *cough*. Well if I have to go to one I might as well go to one with benefits right?
Or sending myself a rose...
Or blogging about love for a week just to whine about my frustrations with my life.
Yeah I'm perfectly well adjusted!
Fisrt thing I would like to say: Did you know that being in love actually releases a chemical similar to amphetamines? That's right love is crystal meth. That's probably why all meth addicts are trailer park dwellers with no friends, family, or cats. Because when you are in love you get all the fun times of drugs, without looking like you can't spell the word dentist.
Ain't ya spell that D-N-T-47?
A lot of people know that the longest time any two people have ever been in a relationship for is recorded to be 85 years of marriage? Did you know this is also the longest recorded time that a human has not had sex? All the virgins die before 84 from meth amphetamine related accidents. The shortest recorded relationship lasted for .0000012 seconds when man asked a girl out and received a yes at the exact moment the woman was eviscerated by a passerby. *BS ALERT*
Paraphilia is sexual attraction to strange things. In order to qualify as a paraphilia, the perversion has to be recored in only a very small number of people. I am going to list some of my favorites:
Pyrophilia: Sexual attraction to fire. This is possible impractical perversion I can possibly imagine.
Ursusagalmatophilia. Sexual attraction to stuffed animals. This perversion is present in all teenage boys as when they see stuffed animals they feel the need to set up elaborate sex scenes and video tape them.
Nasophilia- Attraction to noses. The bigger the better.
Dendrophillia- Attraction to trees. A haiku
Sexytime splinters
Skiddillydoo porcupine.
OW! My effing junk
I don't want to end on a sexual note so let me go with Shakespearean one.
Did you know that Shakespeare's most famous love sonnet was written to a man? Yes. "Shall I Compare Thee to a Summer's Day?" was written for the Earl of South Hampton. While Shakespeare would seem, through his sonnets, to fall in love with this man, he eventually gives up on a relationship with him because he wants the Earl to have some babies.
Later Shakespeare would go on to fall in love with the dark lady to whom he wrote several of his most popular love sonnets to.
Hmm I still feel like I need to say something to wrap this up so I am going to go for a personal note.
I've never fallen in love because I haven't had the opportunity. Maybe one day soon an opportunity will knock, but I am past the days where I will whine because I do not have anyone in my life. (At least until the next five days on and before Valentines day). I am above posting chain messages saying that I will get a kiss this Valentines day.
Don't read this, it really works
1. Say your name five times.
2. Say your crushes name five times.
3. spin around seven times while saying "Love is Everywhere"
4. Post this to your blog or send to five people in the next hour and your crush will ask you out on Valentines day. If you don't you will be chained up in a public bathroom and whipped and raped by leather clad insane lesbians until you are unable to have children.
Or attending a certain church just because someone I like goes there. *cough* *cough*. Well if I have to go to one I might as well go to one with benefits right?
Or sending myself a rose...
Or blogging about love for a week just to whine about my frustrations with my life.
Yeah I'm perfectly well adjusted!
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