The glass if full of depression

SIGH. The talent show act I, and the rest of the drama club, have been working on since September didn't make the talent show because "it was too long" or "we just felt like being fecking ridiculous today". I am going to write emo poetry now.
The Butterfly
The blackness of my corner paints my soul
As I fly high
High in the sky
Like a Butterfly.
My beautiful wings ignored,
And so,
I fly into the mouth of a frog.
And cry tears that flood the pond

Anyway I think I will make a special list today for anyone who is considering becoming an emo. (This list is completely sarcastic)

Becoming Emo. A how to guide.

Get into the look

1. Clothes. Take every clothing Item you have and sell it or set it on fire. You must make to mandatory pilgrimage to Hot Topic where you can buy black shirts and skinny jeans that squeeze your junk as hard as the guy in the Chucky Cheese costume did when you were little. What? That only happened to me!? Anyway, a shirt that advertises one of the bands listed in the music section.

2. Hair. Dye it black and throw some pink or electric blue in there. Then go out and buy a flat iron. Even if your hair is naturally straight, you can always use the hot plate to burn marks into your skin in order to feel the bliss of self inflicted pain. Straighten your hair. Then take some sort of spray and make your hair go crazy. The more you look like you just held balloons over your head the better.

3.Makeup. Girls and guys must both wear makeup. Take some eyeliner and make sure you look like a fecking raccoon. Wearing black lipstick is optional. If you are willing you can also pierce your face in odd places. Such as the middle of your forehead.

The attitude

4. Quit everything and hate everyone. Make sure that everyone hates you and you are not involved in anything. Emo is your life now. And your fellow sufferers are your new family.

5. Listen to music that sucks and is about being broken up with, or causing yourself pain. It really will help you get into the mood of being emo. Examples of some good (gosh awful) bans include Taking Back Sunday, Funeral for a Friend, Fall Out Boy, Squirrel Bait, and anything else off the wikipedia page I just looked at. These songs should arouse you sexually. Also expose yourself to depressing literature involving rape and Vampires. Manga is another great option.

6. Start writing poetry about the sorrows of your life. Don't have sorrows? Make them. If your parents made you clean your room, pretend that they are forcing you to destruct your artistic expression and how that crushes your soul.

7. Go sit in the middle of the rain without moving. This is the final test of having the emo attitude. Once you have experienced this you know exactly how you should behave all of the time. Moderately sad without speaking.

The true definition acts of being emo.

8. Form a band. Your band should be called something like "Blood Dripping Heart Love" any thing involving blood and a body part and romance, also include a verb. Though you can always come up with another depressing name, using these ingredients will help you come up with great names like "Bleeding Kidney Romance" or "Blood Raping Sex Appendix". Another great way is to name yourself after a method of death such as "Mudrape me" or "Toss me out the fecking window"

9.Go have sex with one of your same sex Fellow sufferers. Seriously it will make you so much more emo. If you happen to be gay, so have sex with an opposite sex fellow sufferer. Whatever your attracted too go have sex with what will please you the least so you can write a poem about how your sex life is unsatisfying.

10. Begin self mutilating.

I must say that People of Walmart is my favorite website ever. It has cheered me up so much today.

Thank you for reading my blog.

Fishes

I'm sort of pressed for time today because of a short story I had to retype up quickly. It's a depressing story about a fish for AP English. So I think I will share it. We had to use vocab words so I will define them. If you don't like glorified emo poetry do not read this story.
Snow Day

Ordinarily getting out of school for snow would be exciting (not in the sexual sense). Except when you happen to be a fish and the frozen water reaches it's clawed (this is figurative language water has no claws) into the middle of your school and sends you off alone into the middle of the lake. The idyllic (unrealistically perfect) world above the thin slashing tendrils (squiggles) of ice meant nothing to me as I tired to navigate to somewhere, anywhere where I could swim without fearing for my life. Where there was a crack in the ice (Meaning a break in the glass, not like White China ore whatever kids call it these days), there was the bill of an egregious (Evil, like fecking Cruela De Ville) crane waiting to taste the flesh of a fish foolish (stupid) enough to swim alone.

Once I saw the flicker of a fin in the distance and swam forward, only to find the water wrestling (a sport involving muscles and man panties) the thickness of blood and a fin clamped in the bill of a crane. The humans have an abstruse ( difficult to understand) definition of the phases after one discovers they will die. For fish there is one. Certainty. Not a hint of ambivalence (uncertainty) snaked through my veins (those bulgy blue things) as I touched my lips to the mother snapping turtle.

My last moment ended in a snap and a burst of joy (figuratively). A joy that steamed from the knowledge that the last thing I touched was skin (Sounds like a Murdrape victim). That my life ended to preserve (llamas are cool) another's, rather ( I kind of like puppies. The most. Ever.) than a hopeless thrashing through the jaws of death, to live for seconds (I'm allergic to eggs) more.

YAY DEAD FISHIES

Also I am getting a second fish. I really want a name that goes with Charleston. I am going to give a couple of options and you guys can help me choose.

Fish names:

1. Wallow. This kind of goes with Charleston because The Charleston was the dance of the twenties and wallowing in despair was the dance of the thirties.

2. Raquandelle. Because it seems like a good name.

3.Sumter. This is a duh sort of thing here.

4. Shugg. Making fun of Charleston.

Some nonrelated names

5. Rupert. After Giles.

6. CAAARL! From Llamas with Hats. If you don't know what this is go watch it now.

7. You come up with one!

I am going to assume that you are going to read this and comment upon it with a funny name.
Thanks for reading and commenting!

Yeah, school is crap

I was very lucky to have a six day weekend due to some snow this weekend and this time I was actually enjoying the fact that I was out. Last Snow break was right after Christmas break and I ran out of things to do while sitting in an emoty house within a few minutes, but this time the break was much needed. And I really don't want to go back to school
Don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm failing any classes or I have people who slam me against lockers in order to steal my hummus and pita chips (Yes I do bring strange foods to school). But there are a few things that I am really not looking forward to going back to... yeah, it's list time.
10 things I am not looking forward to returning to
1 We are studying imaginary numbers in Math IV. Honestly this isn't fecking Hogwarts, we don't study Narnia and North Dakota in Geography. Or Dragons in Biology. Or the literary value of the Twilight series in English. WT FECK School Curriculum. I don't care how many bubbles they have.
2 We are watching Hamlet in Shakespeare right now and the actor who played Malfoy is Hamlet. This is wonderful, except I am having this total fangasm throughout the 4 hour movie. Honestly I am going to die of happiness if we don't stop watching it. And the guy who played Pettigrew is Rozencrantz.
3 The lunch table I sit at is right in front of the table of the obnoxious. It has football players and a couple of popular girls. They enjoy the screaming about the next party that everyone who can hold more gallons of beer than a minifridge and talking about the funny things they did while intoxicated the following week. Examples of which include one of the football players singing Tik Tok to one of the girls and someone's make out session with a barstool.
4 The results of the talent show auditions will probably be decided on. The two acts I am working in have been meeting before Christmas to rehearse. If I don't make it, there will be someone getting boiled alive. I'm referring of course to Lobsters.
5 Getting up early. Sure school starts at 8 and I live less than five minutes away. But still. I have important morning rituals. I mean I have to exercise, take a shower, straighten my hair a little bit, put some product up in there... Then there is the difficult choice of which T-shirt I should wear. I mean I don't want to look like Hot Topic just barfed a pop culture reference all over me. I have to wear tasteful pants and a fun belt and different colored socks. Then there is the dancing to random songs while I wait for the time to go... but I might need to do a morning routine blog so I will finish this then.
6.The Obligation to be funny. Let's face it, everyone expects me to be funny. At least the people who actually matter. So what if I feel like being serious? People are like "I get it he is using mock solemnity haha. This is joyfully humorous. Robert tell the one about the walrus!"
7. Packing an unusual lunch. I have a reputation to maintain. If I brought PB and J sandwich everyone would think I have lost my marbles. As Peanut Butter when combined with Jelly improves the ability to find things. Weird food is the only way to go, the people at my lunch table always make fun of my scrumptious consumables and this must not change.
8. People. As I hate all gossip that doesn't directly concern me, I will avoid names here. There are just few people that are bothering me at the moment. First all there are several girls who like me at the moment. and only 100% of them are terrifying. There is also a bit of a complicated possible relationship thing possibly about to happen but again. This is the internet. Anyone I mention by name can and will be raped
9. I don't have any time for Neopets or video games or writing.
Can't feed pets, can't play games
Cause there is school tommorow.
(I Have to go sleep earlier)
Fr-fr-fr-frowny face, Fr-fr-frowny face
Fr-fr-fr-frowny face, fr-fr-frowny face
10. Crowded Hallways.

Naylor out

Day 1 of a year of blogs

Okay this is the first day of my everyday blogging. I will pick random topics every day and... Blog about them. If you read this and like this create an account and follow. And tell twenty four people or a girl with no face will hit you with turkeys while you sleep. Oh since my list format blogs seem to be the most effective I will be doing a lot of those.
Today's topic is BUBBLE BATHING AND SHOWERING
I don't know if this is unusual, but I love baths and showers. Sometimes I'll be perfectly clean and take a shower anyway because I'm bored. There is so much to love about showering and bubble bathing. I'm not going to try to make this transition smooth. The list shall begin now.
7 Great things about showering!
1. You can sing as loudly and as randomly as you want and no one will look at you like you are the sole destructive force on today's youth. Seriously when I sing outside the shower at my house everyone looks at me like I will be some sort of male escort in a few years.
2 You get to be NAKED! My house has a glass front door so I can't walk around with no clothes, and plus I have a cat and dog. Even in my room, my Betta fish looks at me like "WT Feck Robert, Put on some fecking pants!". I happen to love being naked. It's just enjoyable
3 You get to feel hot water run across your bare skin. It just feels good. It's like a sauna but you get like real water covering your skin instead of just the semen of the creepy guy sitting next to you condensation.
4 You get to feel clean. I mean you get to clean places that you didn't even know could get dirty and you walk out feeling wonderful.
5 Doing your hair in the shower! I used to have a mirror in my shower and I miss it dearly because I was able to style my hair in crazy ways and again no one is there to watch, plus you can just wash it way. Then you can shave in the shower too. and your little hair just go right down the drain! You can brush your teeth in the shower. You can pee in the shower. You can learn the Bad Romance dance in the shower. You can attempt to pick your nose with your toe in the shower. You can fall on your ass in the shower. The shower is a place of multitasking.
6 The shower doesn't use nearly as mush water as bathing and you get a much nicer hot feel to your water. Showering is much better than bathing. Unless there are bubbles involved
7 SCRUNGEES. I don't know what these things are actually called but I love them. They are these little balls of scrubby good ness that get all bubbly and you can wash yourself with them and feel awesome!

I also want to say that Bubble baths, when they are hot, are much better than showers. Because they have bubbles.

That's a pretty good argument for anything.

Why is Sarah Palin qualified to be on fox news?
Because they have bubbles

Why should gay marriage be illegal?
Because they have bubbles

See now these invalid arguments actually make a tiny amount of sense.

Anyway. That was the first blog of the 365 please comment. Follow and tell me what you think?
Naylor Out.

Back from pointless break

Yeah I didn't really do anything over my long break, but apparently I have a reader now, so I am going to get back on the horse. Since I last blogged, I have made friends and passed all my classes. Speaking of friends I have auditions for the talent show this week, we are doing the Bad Romance dance. Lady Gaga is amazing.
That brings us to today's topic... Ke$ha. (Because of music and because i feel like talking about her.) Ke$ha, is one of the worst things to happen to this world ever for 12 reasons.
1. When she talks she sounds like Hellen Keller is being whipped by angry rhinosceri.
2. She refers to the police as Popo, a phrase which is not acceptable outside of Telletubbies, 7th grade classrooms, or Hell.
3. She wakes up in the morning feeling like P Diddy. When you wake and feel like you have changed races and genitalia people should probably be concerned about your mental well being.
4. The fact that she willingly admits to having the desire to kick all men who do not look like Mick Jagger into the streets, probably in from of large trucks
5. She considers using alcohol a valid substitute for toothpaste.
6. She believes that when you arrive at a party all of your financial problems are solved.
7. Boys are trying to touch her junk and she slaps them. I mean wouldn't you want to figure out whether or not her change of gender this morning was still in effect, before you started trying to... eat cookies with her.
8. She has to specify where she is getting her pedicures.
9. She actually suggests dancing with no pants on, which any man knows creates a bit of awkward swinging motion.
10. She believes that not caring about a middle name is just cause for public indecency.
11. At one point she tells a man that his conventional "talking before you start procreating" makes him a bitch.
12. PEOPLE LISTEN TO HER MUSIC.

Perky DMV employee

Today's blog will be short again. I don't have much on my mind other than my poetry project lately.


For the last two days we have had a really pissed off substitute in US History. She moans about things and yell. My favorite was when someone sneezed and she said "Go to the BAFroom! There be so much disease going around he could kill us all!". It reminded me of the DMV. You know that one lady who just yells at you about how wrong you did everything. I really think they need to work on that. Here is my idea of the perfect DMV employee.

A perky woman of about 24. Blond with an enormous smile. Throw in a voice that sounds like a Yorkshire terrier and you have her.

"Hello drivers! Are you ready for some paperwork WOO HOO!"

"Oh it looks like you are missing some papers, come back tomorrow. Remember HAWAIIAN SHIRT DAY! ALOHA! YAY!"

"Looks like Mr. Chevel has all his papers in order. Come on Everybody say Good Job Mr. Chevel! GOOD JOB MR.CHEVEL. Here fill out this form and someone will see you within the next three hours."

"Hey Steven did you pass the permit test? You did! Let's hear it for Steven! DOGPOUND HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO!"

"Bridget just got herself a license you know the license song everybody
"Well somebody just got their license,
Looks like another car is on the road.
So give her words of encouragement
Before she hits your car and you explode!"

"Oh You want to renew your license! Well it looks like it's time for the rejection song
'So sorry
crappy driver
But you can't get a new license today
Don't be angry
Safety reasons
You've killed enough household pets already!"

"Oh it's picture time! You know what this means TOTAL MAKEOVER
'You're ugly but I'll give you
One big helping hand
We'll make you look sexy
Just stay right where you stand
Cover her in make up
Make her look real purty
Give her a spray tan so dark
She'll get stopped by security.
Put her is sexy clothes
Force her to make a smile
When they see her license
Boys will line up in a file'
CLICK! You still look like crap"

That's just my view of the perfect DMV employee.
Thanks,
Robert

Pasta Salad

Well I had a bad day. I cried for thirty minutes because I was lonely and because of a particular instance. The instance being of an asshole saying "I have to sit in front of that guy with a hundred who'm I hate!" Now if I was my normal self I would have said "Oh no hard fellings eh? I mean in twenty years if someone needs a six dollar blowjob I will be happy to direct them to your dark alley." But I didn't. I'm so concerned with appearing to be normal and proper I'm not who I'm supposed to be.

That was why I cried because I felt like people were forcing me to be normal but really it's my own fault. So I spent the rest of the day doing whatever I felt like. I danced a lot because it makes me feel good. I took Pasta Salad into the park to eat in a tuberware container. And I ate three popsicles while upside down.

I also decided that tomorrow I will be happy, make friends, and generally enjoy life instead of being normal boring Robert. YAY HAPPINESS.